Walking home last night I felt like I was in a movie. Smoke was in the air, helicopters were flying overhead and streets were blocked off. First I thought it could have been a terrorist strike, you never know these days. It turns out it was a three-alarm fire. Later, I saw a few ambulances race down my street. I hope no one was seriously injured.

The bus ride home was another surreal experience. First, the driver is 100% nuts. This guy likes to get on the mic and talk to the people. His rap goes something like this: “Welcome, this is the bus to Hoboken, the time is 9:33 and the temperature is currently 18 degrees on planet earth. The first available stop is 19th Street” and so on – he does not like to be off the mic for long. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like a friendly driver but when you factor in that the guy is driving like a maniac, it’s a little too much.

The second odd thing — this small, older foreign man is on the left of the bus and a nice looking group of ladies are on the right. The man starts talking to the ladies in his native tongue. The ladies play along and then ignore the man because they can’t understand him. Then, and I like this move; the man offers the ladies candy. To their credit, they didn’t take the candy. The bus stops, the guy is walking off the bus, he stops in front of one of the women and pats her on the head! I couldn’t believe it! And neither could they! The lady said she was going to go home and take a bath, smart move. Damn small foreign guys – they can get away with anything.

After I got off the bus and before I noticed the smoke, I bought some scratch-off lotto tickets. I won $6 on Thursday and wanted to let that ride. I’m happy to report that I won!

This time I won $8! That’s sweet money! I’m going to let it ride again. I’ll let you know what happens on Monday.

So this is Valentine’s Day?! Big deal.

That’s it! I want to wish my friend Tiffany a very Happy Birthday on Saturday!

(file photo)

God Bless America.

For some odd reason today doesn’t feel like a Thursday. I feel like I skipped a day somewhere. I had a good day at work yesterday. It’s always good to be busy. Idle hands are the devil’s playground or something like that.

You’ll never guess what I got in the mail yesterday. Give up? I bought a humidifier. I’m very excited about this new adventure in humidification. It’s a warm mist humidifier. It warms up the water, sucks in the air and balances out the room. Another benefit to this system – it doesn’t need a filter. It’s a dream come true! It has high and low settings and auto shut off. It makes my old humidifier look stupid. Now I’m in the game!

If you’ll remember yesterday’s diary you’ll remember my excitement of the Beetle Bailey scratch-off tickets coming to the NJ lottery. You may also remember that I purchased 3 tickets and lost. If you know one thing about me, know this: I don’t take defeat lying down! I got back to Hoboken last night and purchased 3 more tickets.

Bailey scratch-off
tickets
I won six bucks! Now, if I cashed this in, I’d be even. But if you know one thing about me, know this: Bobby likes to let it ride! Tune in tomorrow to see how I did.

I don’t think I’m bummed out about Valentine’s Day anymore. So I’m single, so what?! I like being single. I do what I want, whenever I want to do it. If I had a lady, all that would change, I’m sure. I’m fine, really. OH SWEET LORD, I’m not fine! I’M SICK OF THIS! Send me a woman lord — send me a WOMAN! Internet praying, thank you, thank you very much.

That’s enough for a Thursday.

God Bless America.

This week certainly is moving along. For the slower people that read BobBorden.com, today is Wednesday. Busy day at work yesterday and today I’ll be busy just getting over the hump!

I was talking to my Mom yesterday and she was asking what she should do with my old Beetle Bailey book collection. You see, when I was an impressionable youth, I loved Beetle Bailey – he was always slacking off, and that darn Sarge wouldn’t leave him alone! I told her to put them in a safe place; they’re like solid gold to me. Cut to me buying lottery tickets later that day. I look over at the scratch-off tickets and Holy crap! they have Beetle Bailey scratch-off tickets!

at the NJ Lottery
I thought to myself, what an incredible coincidence — this is a sure thing, a sign, if you will. I purchased 3 and lost. Damn.

On my way out of the corner lotto store I ran into an old neighbor. It freaked me out a little bit because it was so random to see her again. She got married and is living the good life. Good for her. It was funny, she was telling all the new stuff in her life and when she asked me what’s new in my life, my response was, “Nothing’s changed.” You can file that response under “C” for conversation killers. Or do you file that under “K”? Damn files!

A few years back I bought a CD by the group Pavement, it was called Slanted and Enchanted. I didn’t like it and got rid of it. Years later, I was given the CD and now I’m enjoying it. While I have the files out I think I’ll file that last thought under “U” for useless information. Or should I file it under “I” for information? — CLASSIC BOBBORDEN.COM CALLBACK! tm

I feel like starting my own band. I have a guitar. I like music. What’s stopping me? Wait – I have on Mr. Holland’s Opus in that background and I think I may have been subliminally influenced to be inspired. Let me change the channel – Cool, Mannequin is on.

That’s it!

Parting thought, if we have to go to war, once and for all, let’s just take everyone out – Forget about being a democrat or a republican, let’s just get them before they get us. You can’t reason with evil.

God Bless America.

Iraq, North Korea, the terrorists will attack again, load up on supplies, protect yourself in case of an emergency, the security level is High – I’m just trying to get through the day and they pile all that on me?! That’s too much information for a Monday. But by all means, please tell me what the celebrities think about the war on Iraq, good Lord! I’m so sick of hearing the liberal views from people that pretend to be other people for a living. Yes, I know, this is America and everyone has freedom of speech but seriously, SHUT THE @&$# UP!

I’m on the bus last night, I look at the guy sitting in front of me and he has the same gloves that I do. I thought to myself, damn, if he was a woman I’d have a great opening line. Well, great to me, it’d go something like this, “Hey, I got those same gloves!”

(OK, I didn’t have a good
photo for the diary today!
So sue me!)
She’d laugh at my line and then we’d get married. So what if she has big hands? I can look past that. My bitterness towards being single seems to be magnified this week due to Valentine’s Day —another year sans woman. I do admit that it’s mostly my fault; weight, shyness and the inability to leave my apartment are all factors. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Oh well, to all the people out there lucky enough to have significant others, I say this: screw you.

Wow, that was bitter, I love it! I listened to music, watched TV and just chilled out last night.

That’s it! I was going to talk about something else but I forgot.

God Bless America.

Hello. My weekend started on Friday night. After a long week, I got off the bus, picked up a burrito and headed back to my crib to chill. I flipped the channels around and then sat down on my bed for a second. Two hours past, I watched a little more TV and then hit the sack again.

Saturday! The plan was to drive up to Mohegan Sun casino. I woke up around 7:30, headed into the city to pick up Walter and we were on our way! I’ve had a gambling jones for the last three weeks and was so excited driving up there – I had some grand ideas for the money I was going to win. We got up there and about two hours later, I was done. The tables were not kind to me! Damn. But I had a great time and I didn’t pull my usual sucker move of getting money from the ATM. I lost what I could afford to lose. Walter, on the other hand, went on an incredible run. I was happy that one of us did well, plus it was his birthday – pretty cool. Maybe I should go back on my birthday, ha ha.

“Sally” was making Walter a special birthday dinner so we were back in the city by 7 pm. I dropped him off and headed back to Hoboken. I got a salad and some pizza for dinner. And that was all she wrote for Saturday.

Sunday I woke up early again. I walked up to the laundry mat to do my laundry. All the people in there surprised me — it was only 10. I had to wait a little bit for a dryer; I hate that. Three people with clothes in the dryer and it looks like they’re doing their laundry for the whole year! — Yet another one of my pet peeves. After that, I drove over to the A & P to buy some groceries — nothing unusual to report there. They did have a sale on Mrs. Dash‘s spices – is that anything? No? I didn’t think so.

Got back to Hoboken, found a parking spot and unloaded my goods. I wasn’t sure what to do after that. I walked up to the old Hoboken Cinema to see what was playing. Biker BoyZ and Final Destination 2. Faced with that choice I’m sure most people would just move on but I’m not most people. I said to myself, I love motorcycles, how bad could Biker BoyZ be? Here’s all you need to know — At one point, Kadeem Hardison (Yes, from A Different World) appears and for no apparent reason, is in a wheelchair, wearing an eye patch.

There was an accident in the beginning of the film but I don’t remember his “character” being introduced. Lisa Bonet was also in the film. If they could have only cast Jasmine Guy, they could have had A Different World reunion! How do you screw up a biker movie?! It boggles the mind.

I walked around Hoboken after that and just enjoyed the crisp winter day. And that was my weekend.

That’s it for Monday. Enjoy your day.

God Bless America.

Friday! We’re supposed to get about 4 to 5 inches of snow. I’ll believe that when I see it! If there’s one thing I hate it’s snow propaganda.

I talked to my nephew yesterday on his birthday. He liked the cowboy hat I got him. It was a real cowboy hat from a Western store in New Mexico – I don’t mess around, the kid wants a hat, I’ll get him a hat. Something hit me when I was talking to him — the kid talks clearer than I do. That’s good but I have a feeling that when I was seven, I was still playing make believe that I was a cat! It’s fun to talk to the nephews and niece. I knew it was his 7th birthday but when I talked to him I said, happy 8th birthday! Kids don’t like it when you make fun of their age, it’s real important to them. After that, I went into the old favorite, “Are ya married yet?“

But I digress, the lotto drawing is tonight! I’m looking forward to life on EZ Street. The first thing I’ll do is buy CBS. The second thing I’d do is fire myself because I’m a millionaire and I don’t need to work anymore. Or I could just quit, that may be easier. Honestly, I wouldn’t be one of those lotto winners to quit their jobs. I need a place to go during the day. I don’t think it’d be much fun to do absolutely nothing. It would have to get old.

Enough lotto talk, I’m driving myself crazy with the idea of winning easy money. There’s no such thing as a free ride! Let’s talk about my Saturday plans — weather permitting, I’m going to go gambling with my friend Walter. Alas, that topic is just a horse of a different color. TOPIC CHANGE!

I went out after work last night — how about that?! I haven’t been out in a long time. It was fun, hanging with my friends, enjoying a beer, talking about the current events of the day and all that crap. You don’t believe I was out? Check this out:

pictured from left to
right: Bob and Paula
I’d like to thank the following people for buying me beer or as I often call it, sweet elixir: Tom, Paula and Jerry. Honorable mention to Lee. Good time.

I didn’t watch the Michael Jackson documentary but I did tape it — hello weekend!

That’s it! Special birthday wishes to my friend Walter! He’s having a birthday on Saturday.

(file photo)

God Bless America.

I’m going to start today’s diary with something I haven’t done in a while. I call this: Bob Borden works on his stand-up comedy routine. Picture it, small club, smoke filled room, I take the stage and open up with this:

I’m walking down the street the other day, freezing cold outside. I reach in my pocket to pull out a glove and my hand brushes up against my tube of Chap Stick. I reach in my other pocket and my hand brushes up another tube of Chap Stick. What person has two tubes of Chap Stick? Who do I think I am anyway, Donald Trump?! I’m not a millionaire – I’m the kind of guy that asks you if I can borrow your Chap Stick!

Crowd erupts in laughter and I move on to my next joke, which is probably some insane rambling on the origins of Chap Stick. End Scene. And that was Bob Borden Works on His Stand-up Comedy Routine, thank you, thank you very much.

My fantasy life is so much better than my real life. Speaking of fantasy life, I lost the lotto again! I lost 90 million dollars – That’s American money folks. I’m down but not out. No one won the jackpot and now it’s up to 105 million. That’s some sweet money. Ha ha, like 90 million isn’t?!

I didn’t have any photos for the diary today. So, I went to Google looking for images of money to go along with the previous paragraph and here are the results:

“money”
I thought that was pretty funny! Seriously, Eddie Money rocks!

Whew, I had a very busy day at work yesterday. That’s fine but then throw in that I couldn’t update my site until 3:30. It was driving me nuts! But that was then and this is now. What a cheap way to end a thought, ‘that was then and this is now’. “Booooooooo!!! You suck, Borden!”

I didn’t do anything last night. I watched The Doors on Starz! and just chilled out.

That’s it!

God Bless America.

PS — Happy 7th Birthday to my nephew Lucas!!!

My damn computer just crashed, I lost today’s diary, it’s my own fault — I had too much stuff open. It was solid gold too, DAMN! OK, count to ten, focus on the good. Holy crap, I was mentioned in Whitney Matheson’s column in USATODAY.com yesterday!

Hip Click!
Who knew?!
I woke up feeling so very unhip and by 9:30, I found out I’m a Hip Clip! Life is good! Thanks, Whitney!

I did something wonderful last night. What’s that you ask — did Bob go out with a woman? Did Bob win the lottery? Ha ha, no. I changed the channels on my Direct TV. I don’t need HBO until later in the year and their movies are crap. I switched to Starz! They always seem to have a great movie coming up – I’ll prove it – I’m going to Starz! right now. They’re showing The Shipping News and Joe Versus the Volcano (A film that I happen to enjoy). Now, compare that to HBO’s Lethal Weapon 3 and Powder – BOOOOOOO!!!!! See what I’m talking about? Starz! Wins!

Here’s the amazing thing about Direct TV, you go to the website, change the channels there, wait a few minutes and the switch is made! No joke, in a few minutes! I love technology.

I also picked up more basic channels. I have the DIY channel and VHI Classic now. DIY (Do it Yourself) has a cool show about car restoration and VH1C plays videos, just simple lovely videos. It makes regular VH1 look like crap. Although, I can do without the double shot of Mr. Mister, ha ha! Any chance you get to take a stab at Mr. Mister; you have to take it.

OK, that’s it! Have a great day.

God Bless America