by Bob

First up today, I have to get something off my chest. I couldn’t say anything about it yesterday because Paul asked me to keep a lid on it. However, I guess the whole world knows about it now — Thank you very much CNN!!!! Congratulations to my friends, Paul McCartney and former model Heather Mills. All my best, see you in July. That was a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it, Bob’s Delusional Hollywood Report. I hope you enjoyed it.I’m four for four, I took the bike out again last night. It was crazy humid yesterday and I was on the fence about going out. I got home and I said to myself, take an hour for Bob. I made my way up to the 14th Street pier again. I know, I make the same trip all the time but Hoboken is only 1 square mile, my options are limited. I like standing by the river, it calms me. I made my way downtown and I took this blurry photo of a Frank Sinatra impersonator.

The sweet sounds of “Frank”

He was really good. If you’re asking yourself, why Frank? Frank Sinatra was born in Hoboken, I think that’s common knowledge. I’m from Steubenville, Ohio — the home of Dean Martin. I’m trying to live in all the hometowns of the Rat Pack, ha ha. I’ll probably move to Sammy Davis’ hometown next. I don’t even know where that is?

I’m starting to discover that there’s a whole other world out there. After work, people are playing baseball, enjoying the sights, taking in a show. It’s weird, I thought people just went home. Here’s my biggest discovery: Attractive women like to exercise. Sweet Georgia Brown! Sorry, I’ll turn off the pervert switch.

Also, last night, I had a nice little moment with a nice girl. She found a very friendly cat and I stopped to see –, well, I just stopped to see, ha ha. The cat didn’t have a collar, we exchanged a few nice words and that was that. But for me, that was like a date, ha ha! Oh, I make myself laugh.

Crazy humid again today. I heard it was going to rain. Traffic and Sports at the top of the hour. OK, that’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

by Bob

Hello. I had a good day at work yesterday. Busy doing this and that. OK, I was busy passing out memos, I pass out a lot of memos. Ha ha. Beautiful day yesterday. I had it in the back of my mind that I’d go for a bike ride when I got back to Hoboken last night. I kind of made it a goal. I got home and actually did it. I was out on my bike for about an hour. It makes me feel good. I thought TV and eating were good things but it turns out they’re bad. Strike that, eating is bad — TV is still good! I made it up to the 14th street pier again. I wanted to take a self portrait of myself to celebrate my new attitude towards moving my body. I waited until there was no one around and hit the self timer. Just as it was about to take the photo, two hot girls jogged by. There I am, smiling like an idiot, by myself, standing in front of my bike! I got home and this is the picture I took.

Bob’s self portrait

What a travesty of errors! Sweet Lord, there’s a reason why I’m single and I think you just gave me the first clue. Right Lord? Right? Lord? LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Praying, thank you, thank you very much. I’d like to ride my bike early in the morning like 5 am. Maybe that’s something to do just once or twice a week. That’s still in the thinking/planning stage. 5 am is awful early.

I walked from the bus station to work today. I got into the bad habit of taking the subway again. After being stuck in the tunnel for 45 minutes, the last thing I want to do is prolong my commute. However, I enjoyed walking, 8th avenue is lovely this time of year, ha ha. I stopped off at the old A & P and bought some OJ and a frozen lunch. The bill: $6.88 — The bill after I presented my Bonus Club Card: $4.23! For a frozen meal and 64 OZ of OJ. I’m robbing them!

Speaking of savings, I did the Priceline.com thing last night. After looking at other websites, I just said to myself, what do you have to lose? So, I entered the lowest possible price they’d let me enter and I got my tickets! I couldn’t believe it! Very exciting. OK, that’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

by Bob

Hello. I had a good weekend. It all started Friday night. I was on the bus driving down Washington Street in Hoboken and we drove by the bike shop. I said to myself, I’m going to buy a bike this weekend, I might as well buy one now. I got off at the next stop. I looked around for about 20 minutes and made my decision. I had my eye on a nice hybrid bike, part mountain bike, part road bike. The bike guy informed me that I can’t get that bike because I was too big, I’d bend the rims, he said. I’m happy that the guy is honest with me but at the same time, damn, I’d break the bike? Oh well. He tells me I need a mountain bike but he doesn’t have one in my size, come back tomorrow. I came back on Saturday and bought a bike. If you’re ever in Hoboken, I highly recommend, Flo On Wheels. They didn’t try and sell me something just to make a sale. I took my bike for a test ride and it had a kink in the chain that was causing the gears to not shift so smoothly. They fixed the chain and I was on my way. I like good service. I made my way to the 14th street pier. I’ve never been there before.

Bob’s new bike, the Fuji Odessa

I rode around there for a long time. When I got tired I sat down on a bench and watched the people, the boats and made some phone calls. Very relaxing. I was sitting on a bench on the pier and a mother pushing her baby in a stroller walked by. I don’t have a picture of it but that baby was giving me the skunk eye! I was still sitting there when the baby came back, still with the skunk eye! I even waved to the kid, nothing. I was looking at the boats docked in the marina and couldn’t help wanting to be out on the water.

If you own a boat in Hoboken or know
someone that owns a boat in Hoboken,
drop me a line, I’d like to go out on the water

It looked like so much fun to be out there riding the “waves.” I was thinking, man, I need a boat now — and a million dollars, ha ha. I made my way downtown and then went home. I’m very happy with my purchase.

I got home and felt really good. What was this strange feeling, exercise? I didn’t realize it at the time but I did more in 3 hours than I did in 3 years. Sad but true. I also got a lot of sun. I had a few hours to kill before dinner so I took my laundry with to the laundry mat. There was hardly anyone in there. I sat down on one of their big comfortable chairs and watched as my clothes made the transformation from dirty to clean.

After that I met up with my friend Tiffany for dinner. We went to this place that I picked out. It wasn’t so great, the waiter was not good and the host was singing like a babbling idiot. He really got on my nerves. Horrible. We walked around and called it a night.

Sunday, I woke up and went to the A & P. I needed the staples: ketchup, mustard, salad dressing and light bulbs. All that stuff adds up! After that I took my bike out again. I love my bike! I went back to the 14th Street pier and rode everywhere. I even ran into some kid selling lemonade. I was so thirsty, I forgot to ask if I could take the kid’s picture and I forgot to give the kid a tip. What’s 15% of 25 cents, ha ha. I got home, cooked up a steak, watched some TV and called it a night. That’s all I got! Have a great day. God Bless America.

I LOVE MY BIKE!!!!

by Bob

Hello. Every Friday for the past few weeks I’ve been working on my novel, The Wallet. I had every intention on continuing that tradition today but sometimes fact is better that fiction. I got off the bus in Hoboken last night. Pouring rain, it was quite the downpour. The kind of rain where you take a few steps and you’re drenched. I put up the old umbrella and started walking to the store.Halfway there, I looked down and I’m not joking, I see a wallet. I have to be honest, because of the rain and because I had a long day at work, my first thought was to keep walking. Then I thought, come on, help a brother out. I picked up the wallet and walked to the store.

photo is only a dramatization

I was going to the store because I wanted to buy GLAD garbage bags. I put my back pack in the garbage bag to keep it dry. That helpful hint you can only find on BobBorden.com, tell your friends.Back to the story — I’m still in the store and I look in the wallet real quick to see if there’s a number. No number. I walked outside and looked up the block to see if there was anybody searching the ground for their wallet. Nothing.

I got home and started looking for a number. There was some out of state numbers but they didn’t look current. He had everything in there, credit cards, money, memberships and a driver’s license. I was just going to mail it to the address on the license but then I thought, what if he’s on a business trip? I did a Yahoo! phone number search using the address and I got a number. The first name was different so I was thinking it was his parent’s house. I didn’t want to call his parent’s house because I didn’t want to freak them out. On the other hand, a guy needs his wallet.

I called and talked to his mother. The guy, Michael, has a cell phone and she gave me his number. She sounded like a really nice lady. Michael was glad I found it and we met halfway from my house and from where he was at.

Bob Borden, Good Samaritan

I told him no problem and to check out my website because I sure as hell am going to write about this! Ha ha. He was a nice guy. I felt pretty good last night! How’s that for a story!?

It’s still raining this morning! I had French toast for breakfast, mmmmmmm. Comfort food. I’m walking behind this guy in the subway. He looks like your average businessman. He’s wearing two shoulder bags. They’re on top of each other and stick out a bit. Some other guy was running past us and ran into his bags and kept on running. The businessman, looked at his bags, turned around and said, “Asshole!” I thought it was funny because the guy was long gone, he was in a real hurry. I’m going to break this down for you. The guy who ran into the bags was wrong and at the very least should have said excuse me. However, the businessman was carrying a big load and wasn’t paying attention. My point is this and feel free to quote me — Two wrongs don’t make a right. That doesn’t make any sense, right? Oh well, at least I got to say Asshole. Ha ha. I’m going to add more to my novel this weekend. Just think, next Friday it will be twice as long. That’s it for Friday! Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

by Bob

If you’ve been following the calendar like I have, you’ll know that today is Thursday. Everybody, “Hello Thursday.” I need help. I don’t know what to talk about today. My social life is zero right now. Right now?! Oh, I make myself laugh. People just aren’t returning my calls, ha ha. I got home last night and watched Junkyard Wars, that’s a good show. “YAWN!” OK, I know I always seem to go home and watch something, cut me some slack!I’m going to do something exciting this weekend so I’ll have something to talk about on Monday. I’m not sure what that exciting thing will be but it will start with me leaving my apartment, ha ha. I’m in a rut right now. I don’t even have any good photos today! I was so desperate last night that I took a photo of my tool box.

Bob’s toolbox because he doesn’t have

anything better for today. You suck, Bob!

Wow, the caption guy is a little tough on me today. Relax, dude. I, somehow, was going to talk about the contents of my toolbox. Talk about not having anything to talk about! That toolbox is really a fishing tackle box. I never used it for fishing. I used it for a painting class I took in college. I should take up painting again. I’m going to paint something right now — using nothing but ordinary household ketchup and mustard.

Bob’s Ketchup and Mustard painting

OK, that may seem a little strange and it may even be odd that I’d do that. However, I just sent that photo to a friend of mine that owns a gallery and it just sold for $2000. Who’s crazy now? WHO’S CRAZY NOW!!? I’m in your face and I’m not going anywhere! I like the condiment “painting.” Hmmmmmm. I think an idea was born. That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

(Reminder to self, buy more Ketchup and Mustard tonight.)

by Bob

Hello! Sweet, sweet Wednesday! The weekend is close. I have to say I’m working for the weekend at this point. I still don’t know what that means. Yesterday I talked about watching Evel Knievel’s Spectacular Jumps DVD. Halfway through the day my friend Walter sent me an article about Evel making a comeback. How’s that for a coincidence?! It reminds me of a famous speech from the movie Repo Man:“Say you’re thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone says plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Out of the blue. No use looking for one either. It’s part of the lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything.”

That film is a classic! Anyway, let’s get back to Evel. Wow, he’s 63 and thinking about making his longest jump ever. You have to give the guy credit for wanting to come back. You also have to give him credit for just how big he was back in the 70’s. The man filled stadiums, people came just to see him jump. Crazy! I’d pay to see him jump again.

Another busy day at work yesterday. I like being busy. OK, I don’t have a lot to talk about today. I haven’t been very social in a while. You ever get in the mood where you just want to be by yourself? My mood has lasted 32 years so far. Ha ha.

I tell you what, nothing fills up a web page like a random photo I found on the Internet. Here’s some fun loving kids enjoying America’s favorite pastime:

Random photo of the day

OK, I’m going to end it there for today. As I promised yesterday, here’s the Steubenville Community Calendar: Congratulations to frequent contributor to my message board, Zach. Zach graduates high school today. Good luck brother, it’s a jungle out there.
Also, June 7th is Dean Martin Day in Steubenville. If you happen to be in town, stop by and enjoy the festivities. Checkout www.deanmartinsteubenville.com for more information. And that’s today’s Steubenville Community Calendar for June 5th, 2002. That’s it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

by Bob

Hello Tuesday! Man it was a long one yesterday. First day back, a lot of new things to attend to. Everything worked out great, it always does. I wasn’t kidding yesterday, I’m really serious about getting a bike. Right now I’m thinking about what kind of bike suits me. I’m thinking a Beach Cruiser. 3 speeds, tops. My last bike was a mountain bike with the knobby tires and 18 gears, that’s all great if you’re riding on a mountain but I need tread for a more urban setting.I just read that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are coming out with a new CD in July. On the drive to and from Ohio, I listened to Freaky Styley and Mother’s Milk. That’s some good stuff! Flea can slap a mean bass. They were funky back in the day. At one point I even joined their fan club. Ha ha, that reminds me, I also belonged to the Jackyl fan club! Fan clubs are the biggest rip offs! You get an ID card that’s as valuable as lint, an “autographed” photo and a guitar pick. All for the low, annual fee of $25. That reminds me, I’ll be announcing plans for a BobBorden.com fan club, later this week. Damn!

I was riding the bus home last night and I started thinking about my diary. I wanted to take more photos of Ohio but I got lazy. I feel like I let myself down and more importantly, I feel like I let you down. Then it hit me! I’ll just show my webmaster’s vacation photos! Walter went back to his motherland, San Francisco, to catch up with family and friends. OK, without further adieu, Walter’s vacation photos:

Chang, Berma, and Wally at Pac Bell Park

in San Francisco

Taking in the sights on Highway 1
 

“Sally” on the Strip in Vegas


That was cool! It sure looks like they had a great time! Just to recap my vacation, I cleaned out the attic. Oh Sweet Lord, is this it for me? Cleaning out the family attic, alone? Why Lord, why? WHY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Praying, thank you, thank you very much.

I watched a great DVD last night — Evil Knievel’s Spectacular Jumps. That dude was off his rocker! Now, I want a motorcycle, ramps and 27 buses. That’s what I should be, a stuntman! It’s all clear now. I’m going to go back to college to get my Graduate degree in doing cool stunts. I wasn’t going to write about what I watched on TV last night but when something’s good, it’s good. BobBorden.com is credited for breaking the Ozzy show and I’m getting ready to make some more people famous. I’m talking about Spy TV. It was really funny/clever. And the ladies, oh the ladies! (I live alone with two cats.) It’s on again tonight at 8. That’s it! God Bless America. Tune in tomorrow for my annual “Bob rates the best beaches” feature. Don’t hit the shore without it!

by Bob

I’m back! Man did I need a vacation. “Paris is lovely this time of year.” I heard that while watching TV in Steubenville, OH — I went back to the motherland, as usual. I had a good time. Hung out with my Mom, played with the nephews / niece and just relaxed. I rode around with the nephews on bicycles. I need to get a bike, that’s good exercise. I sold my old bike to my webmaster Walter. That will be my weekend project. I went to a garage sale yesterday and they had a bike for sale — $175! How is that a sale? I can get a new one for less. I just want something basic, the less gears, the better.Anyway, back to my trip. I spent a couple of nights cleaning out the attic. I found my first teddy bear!

Bob’s first teddy bear

Ah memoires, to be honest, I don’t remember this bear at all. I think this bear was in the crib with me, he/she doesn’t even have a name. It was nice to go through all my old things.

I finally saw Star Wars. I have to say, I really liked it. There are some parts that seem like they were written by a 14 year old but I give George Lucas credit, he made me, the casual fan, wanting more. And Yoda kicked butt! I was going to check out Spider-man again but never made it.

Well, I know I should have more after a week off but my mind is blank right now. I have to get back into the swing of things. Last night, the power went off for about an hour. I made a vow, right then and there, to never be without a battery powered TV again! Those were some painful minutes. OK, that’s it! I leave you with a self portrait, I call it, Bob driving to Hoboken with cats. Have a good day. God Bless America.

Bob driving to Hoboken with cats