And now, Master Storyteller Bob Borden of BobBorden.com presents: Today’s Diary.

I can’t even begin to tell you how tired I am. I couldn’t get to sleep Sunday night to save my life. And contrary to popular belief, eating nachos and watching heavy metal videos at 3 am doesn’t seem to help, live and learn.

I bought the new Coldplay CD a few weeks ago and now I can’t find it! It’s driving me nuts! I have the case but the disc is gone, gone, gone. I’m really in the mood to listen to it too. Life is such a bittersweet game of chess interwoven with miscalculations and fear. I don’t know what that last sentence means but it sounds cool.

So today is April fool’s day: B.F.D. I hate April Fool’s Day. It was always the one day in school where every dork with half-a-brain played mindless tricks on each other. Sadly, I usually fell for those tricks. Damn childhood!

I’m sick of the news channels doing stories on how they’re covering the war! If I’ve seen that story once, I’ve seen it a hundred times. Cover the war, that’s all you have to do! And for God’s sake, don’t give up our position in the field to get “the story” – I’m talking about Geraldo Rivera. What the hell is this guy doing?!

Can someone e-mail me later today and remind me to buy dishwashing liquid tonight. My e-mail address is in my “Press” section, thanks.

Where is that Coldplay CD?! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Internet Acting. Thank you, thank you very much.

That’s it for today. Have a great day.

God Bless America.