5-27-04 I don't know if you picked up on it but it seems like every time there's a national holiday, they issue some sort of terror warning. My theory is while everyone's away, they'll have covered their butts by issuing such a broad warning, in case, heaven forbid, anything goes down. I don't care to live life this way. I'm going to live my life like today were my last day on earth! I'm sick of the B.S.! With all this negative energy and a promised attack this summer, it just made me think - I could worry about it OR I could make this the best summer of my life! While worrying came in a close second, having the best summer of my life won out. I'm happy to make a new addition to bobborden.com, for the rest of the summer, I'm not going to call it simply, 'summer' anymore, from now on, Summer will be known as: S.O.B. - SUMMER OF BOB! Summer of Bob '04 Get ready for an ALL-NEW BOB! I'm planning on: Watching what I eat, getting off my fat ass, going out more, spending time with friends, travel and, if I'm lucky, take a bride. It's going to be CRAZY! I hope you'll be here to join me in my ALL-NEW adventures - Tell Your Friends! I'm just getting really sick of just getting by, case in point: I woke up yesterday morning and put on a shirt that's been in my drawer for at least three years. I looked in the mirror and didn't care for it but I wore it anyway. Check it out: Not trying I felt like I was going on Safari all day! It's been in my drawer for three years for a reason. Yuk, I can't stand to look at it! Did I think it'd get better over time? But that's the old Bob. That's all I'm thinking about today. There won't be a diary tomorrow because I'm taking a much needed week off. I think I've been writing straight through since March, that's a long run. OK, see you June 7th. Have a great one! Sincerely your internet friend, Bob PS Don't forget to think of our past and present fighting men and women this Memorial Day. I know I was thinking of Memorial Day as a vacation, then I remembered. 5-26-04 So what's the deal with 24? He's a security guard trying to prevent terrorism or something? I guess I shouldn't have picked the season finale of season 3 to try and figure it all out. I always planned to watch the first season's twenty-four epsidoes in one day but I never got around to that. It's too hot to sleep! You know what I had for dinner the last three nights in a row? Caesar salad with chicken. Bob's dinner I have to say, I really notice the difference between that and say, a full rack of ribs, ha ha. I don't feel as disgustingly stuffed as I usually do. Developing. I just found another bill that I have to pay, damn! And I think I forgot to pay the electric bill this month. I have to get my bill paying act together. I'm so afraid of identity fraud, I never throw anything away at home. I end up walking around with a sack full of bills, that I forget to pay. If only I had a computer so I could keep track of these things, ha ha. I fell asleep on my new sofa last night. I knew I was fading fast and yet, I couldn't move. That was my first full night on the new sofa. I really like not having to curl up on the old small sofa. I woke up at 5 AM and then went to bed for about two more hours. U2's Joshua Tree - Is it the best CD ever? I think about that every time I hear a song from that CD. I'm listening to One Tree Hill right now. I don't really think that there's ONE greatest CD but it has to rank up there pretty high. It's my generation's White Album. I just made that up. Everyone knows that my generation's White Album is Shout at the Devil by Motley Crue, ha ha. The good (strange) old days itunes just announced that they have the Motley Crue catalog now. I have one question to itunes: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! Is it sad that I already have all their songs? Don't answer that. That's it for today. Have a great day! Rock & Roll FOREVER, Bob 5-25-04 I paid my bills yesterday and after I was all done, I became the poorest I've been in a long time. For the last few months, I've been giving a little to the credit cards because my last $500-dollar car repair was a big pill to swallow. But I got sick of owing so I just said enough. After a little creative accounting and a possible trip to a casino, I'll think I'll be OK. I got home late Sunday night, fed the cats, wrote my diary and then had to decide if I should watch The Sopranos or if I could wait until Monday. I decided that I couldn't wait, so I stayed up until 3 AM. It was SO worth it! You should have seen it by now but I won't spoil it for you. That epsidoe sure did make up for last weeks dream thing. I'm really looking forward to season finale. I uploaded my diary late Sunday night and for some strange reason, AOL sometimes takes a while to load up the new stuff. I hope you read it, I had a fun weekend - go back and catch up, it's never too late to learn about my weekend, ha ha. Anything else today? I was in awe of the evening as I walked home last night. Not a lot of people on the streets, clean, crisp air, it had just rained and that usually chases away the scum and the punks back into the sewer where they came from. Hmmmm, sorry. I may have seen Taxi Driver too many times. OK, that's it! Read yesterday's diary and tell your friends! God Bless America, Bob 5-24-04 Hello. I had a great weekend! I went to the Hamptons, that's right, the Hamptons, playground to the rich and famous, maybe you've seen it on TV, ha ha. Just kidding. But first, it was Friday night, I was on the bus to Hoboken after work. This girl got on the bus with a big box which was a new vacuum cleaner. I could tell it was a vacuum cleaner because of the box and because I heard her tell a buddy on her cellphone how excited she was, her last one was over ten years old. It's time for her to exit the bus, she and another guy get up. The guy, without asking, just decided to help the "helpless" female. He picks up the box and carries it to the street. But it slips from his hands and all you heard was "CRASH!" The clod dropped her vacuum cleaner! It was loud too, everybody on the bus turned around to check it out. The guy said to the girl, "Sorry." The girl, I think, was stunned. Her cell phone started to ring and she just stood there and took the call. I hope her cleaner works. I left Hoboken around 9:15, bought some gas and drove into the city to help Walter and "Sally" bring some stuff out. We hit some MAJOR traffic on 495. It was crazy, 3 lanes going into 2, into 1, until finally we had to get off the highway onto a service road. HOW ABOUT A SIGN PEOPLE?! Once we got back onto 495, it was 'go time' - Go Time = Pedal to the metal. Saturday I woke up around 10 and helped Walter move logs, again. We moved them away from the house this time as they were a fire hazzard the way we had them. I enjoyed moving logs, it's good, honest work. I helped Walter put a chair together, I just screwed some screws into some boards, he did 99% of it. Then I got a shower and "Sally" and I drove to the deli to pick up some lunch. Damn good sandwiches! We chilled out for a little bit and then drove to the store. We were going to BBQ that night but it was cold and drizzly, so we just had some Italian food in town. It was pretty good. We went to the supermarket afterwards and I noticed this grocery list someone left in a shopping cart: See, the very rich are just like you and me This list proves one thing to me: The rich and famous are pretty boring, at least as far as grocery shopping is concerned, ha ha. We stayed up pretty late that night playing dominos. I had just learned how to play that night, it was really fun! Sunday I woke up around 10:00 and helped Walter get some trash together so we could drive it to the dump. I have to say, the idea of going to the dump, thrilled me! You never know what you'll find. Case in point: I found this old-school Royal typewriter: Bob found this at the dump How cool is that?! It works too! I have no idea what I'm going to do with it but it's mine, ALL MINE! After the dump, we drove to the store and picked up some hot dogs and hamburgers for a lovely BBQ. Sweet Lord, it was great to grill something up and just sit there in nature, listening to the ducks. We hung out a little more and then hit the road. We stopped off at Chili's on the way back for a mediocre meal, as only Chili's can do it. I won't go into it but let's just say that my bottomless Coke wasn't bottomless. I made it back to Hoboken around 11:45 pm. When I was parking my car, I happened to look down and I saw this: This doesn't seem right A hose is hanging down from the front of my car. I couldn't get a great look at it but I'd guess that it has something to do with my power steering. I've noticed that sometimes while driving, my car doesn't steer so great. Maybe the hanging hose is the answer. Always something. But I'm taking it in stride due to the fact that I'm crazy relaxed. And I have Walter and "Sally" to thank, thank you! That's it! I have to try and watch The Sopranos before I go to bed, otherwise I'll be lost at the watercooler tomorrow. Have a great day! Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-21-04 I dare you to listen to Human League's song, 'Fascination' and not be happy while doing so -- go on, listen. That's one dare I can't lose! I talked to my four-year-old niece last night when I got home. She was thanking me for the birthday gift I sent her. My Mom put her on the phone and left me talking to her for a long time! Don't get me wrong, I love my niece but I ran out of things to say on the phone pretty quickly. "How are you? What did you do today? What kind of birthday cake did you have?" and so on - Funny. When she told me that she had a Barbie cake, I just thought, well, it doesn't get any cuter than that. Time for an exciting new feature to bobborden.com, I call it: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS E-BAY ITEM HAS ZERO BIDS! Here's the item: ZERO BIDS They want $30 for John Stamos' autograph. Are they INSANE?! That is one hell of an autograph though. I wonder if Bob Saget (I'm thinking Full House here) ever autographed anything? HA HA HA HA! No bids on that one either, OK, that's enough. I may have to bid on that one, it's just too good! That was: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS E-BAY ITEM HAS ZERO BIDS! Tell your Friends! Today's Photo of the Day comes from my friend Carl. Carl lives across the pond and that frog was in his garden. He was telling me that gas is 7 bucks a gallon over there but their cars get 30 miles per gallon. But still, $7 bucks! Ouch! Checkout Carl's website, the link is on my 'links' page. I'm cutting it short today due to the fact that I have nothing else to say, I did enjoy that E-bay thing, if I do say so myself. Have a great weekend! All my best, Bob 5-20-04 You know what I did in my bedroom last weekend that totally changed my life? (Long pause) No, get your minds out of the sewer! - I moved my dresser from one side of the room to the other. It was in front of a window, now it's by the bedroom entrance, close to my bed. When I wake up all I have to do is just roll over, open a drawer and POW! - I have my undergarments. Where as before, I had to get up and take two steps to get to the window. I'm saving SO MUCH time, it's crazy! And it looks good too! It's the little things. It only took me eight years to figure that little thing out, ha ha. I was boarding the bus yesterday morning and I happened to look at the woman in front of me - I wasn't being a pervert, my eyes just didn't have anywhere else to wonder because we were so close. Anyway, I noticed that she was wearing her sweater inside out. I have to say, I was mortified for her. So mortified, that I couldn't even get out the words to tell her. This wasn't a new fashion trend either, she was too put together - the tag was on the outside. I felt bad for not telling her but again, I just couldn't get the words out, it was pretty funny. Before I threw away my sofa last weekend, I turned it on its side to let the cats have one more go-around. Evelyn didn't care for it but Billy got a running start and climbed on top like he was insane. Billy 1, Old sofa 0 I've always wanted to get one of those huge cat tree scratching post things but they're always $300. I love my cats but come on, my last name isn't Trump. Oooooo, I'd like to have some of that Trump cash, so I could buy any scratching post I wanted. Ha ha, not sure what I'm talking about now. It's THURSDAY! This week is going by quick. I think it was due to the going away parties I went to on Monday and Tuesday. Beer and cake maybe be the secrets to a good life. Speaking of beer, I was on the bus last night looking out the window and I saw a pretty girl walking with a 12-pack of Miller Lite and something hit me right then and there: THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR! A hot girl with a 12-pack of Miller Lite - That's all I want. Is that asking too much? Hmmmmm, let's ask a Miller Lite girl and find out. "Miller Lite girl, will you be bringing a 12-pack of Miller Lite to me anytime soon?" "Darn!" I think I may switch to Bud. OK, that's it for me! Honestly, that Miller lite bit could have ended anyway I wanted - even my fantasies suck. Oh well - Have a great day! Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-19-04 The last two nights I ended my day with two of my favorite things: Cake and beer. I think the combination got the best of me, I felt a little dizzy last night. I didn't over do it, I just think I didn't have enough dinner. One beer with not much food in the old system isn't cool. Good Lord, it's humid in my apartment! I can feel the humidity. I haven't put in my air conditioner yet either. I always like to see how long I can go without it. It's a little game I play to break up the excitement of life. You can try it at home if you wish, go on, it's fun! I bought some lotto tickets last night and when we exchanged tickets for the money, the guy said, "Don't forget me if you win, buddy" - What the hell?! Now this guy's on the payroll!? Excuse me if I set up college funds for my niece and nephews first or at the very least, travel the globe with my stripper girlfriend! Why do I need the pressure of supporting that guy?! When you dine in a fine restaurant, you get your food, the waiter doesn't say, "don't forget me when you bite into that steak" -- RIGHT?! Good LORD! If I win, that guy gets NOTHING -- and I may even drive my brand new TRANS-AM in front of his store, just to flaunt my wealth. Don't get on my bad side, I'm like a scorpion, oh sure, they're pretty to look at but WATCH OUT, they'll sting without warning. I'd like to say goodbye to another special intern today. This one is simply known as: FRANK. Frank is a great guy, a great worker and he's very photogenic. Thanks FRANK! Sad to see the kids go but that's life's cycle, you know? Onward and upward. Short diary today but don't blame me, blame it on the cake and beer. That's it! Stay Beautiful, Bob 5-18-04 Not to gross you out but from the time I left for work, to the time I came back home, I don't think I ever stopped sweating. It could have been the humidity or the box of Cookie Crisp I consumed over the weekend trying to work its way out of my body. I guess it's a question for the ages. I bought a bottle of water recently and I noticed that I paid $1.50. $1.50 for a pint of water. My question to you is this: Why are we all excited because we're paying two dollars a gallon for gasoline, shouldn't our attention be focused to this whole $1.50 for a pint of water situation? Because it is a situation! Water should be free - it doesn't cost anything to produce, while on the other hand, gas seems really inexpensive for all that it takes to get it to market. That's right, I said 'really inexpensive' - I did all the research on this one. I'm going to write my Congressman/woman, whatever we have in New Jersey, to get him/her to RAISE gas prices even more. Just trying to do my part as a good American. I cut my finger on a door last night and then that got me to thinking about all the people that have clotting problems. It was a weird thought, I mean, I've never thought about that before. You could bleed to death, right? Awful. I was pretty happy when my finger stopped bleeding. Boy, I'm all over the place today. Did you see The Sopranos this week? What the hell are they doing? I've never watched a movie or TV show and walked away saying, 'wow, that was a great, really long, dream sequence.' Only two episodes left this season, they better grab hold of the reigns and drive that sucker home! And now it's time for a new feature to bobborden.com, I call it: Bob Reads A News Story and Reacts To It -- here we go: News Story: "Former heavyweight champion Riddick Bowe was released from prison Monday - " Bob: Wow, I didn't even know he was in prison, I think he was pretty good, I wonder what happened? I'll read on. News Story: " - after serving 17 months for kidnapping his first wife and their children in 1998." Bob: OOPS! That was Bob Reads A News Story and Reacts To It, tell your friends. BobBorden.com is sad to see one of our interns leave this week to move on to bigger and better things. Good luck and thank you Becky, you'll be missed. Bye Becky That's it! Have a great day. Stay beautiful, Bob 5-17-04 4 AM show. Thursday I worked a full day, about 10 AM to 10 PM. A long day for me but it really didn't seem that long because I was so into the idea of a 4 AM show. Due to my living outside the city, the show offered to get a hotel room so I could rest/shower between shows, not being one to turn down free stuff, I said hell yes! I walked over to the hotel and checked in. It was a nice room. I had no intention of going to bed, I just wanted a shower to get refreshed. I got there around 10:30 and I had to be back at 12:30 AM for breakfast. I was sitting on the bed, watching TV and eating cookies. Around 11:30 PM, I remember turning the TV off. The next thing I knew, It was 1:45 AM and I was talking to my boss Eric on the phone. I was so out of it, I had no idea how I even picked up the phone. I couldn't believe I overslept for such an important show! Here's a photo of the bed that did me in: This bed + Bob = Bob's late for work To my Bosses (Justin & Eric) credit, they saw the humor in this and that's how it ended up on TV, pretty funny. I checked my cell phone later and they called me five times before I picked up. Aside from that, everything else ran smoothly -- the 4 AM show turned out to be very good, if I do say so myself. I went to bed that morning at 6 AM and woke up at 10 AM. I got back to Hoboken around 1 and moved my old sofa to the curb. I'm not sure if that's how it's done but I did it quickly, ha ha. I was at Ikea by 2. I sat on all the sofas and decided that this is the sofa for me: Bob's new sofa I like it a lot, I can fully lay down on it, it's cat proof and I could move the whole thing myself. I finished putting it together around 6 and then walked to get some food. I had a chicken enchilada and a soda. Around 8, it hit me how tired I really was. But I had to watch the 4 AM show. I made it to my part of the show and then had to Tivo the rest, time for bed. Saturday I woke up around 10. I felt so much better after getting some real sleep. I walked to my living room and with the new sofa, things just didn't seem right. So I rearranged everything. I didn't finish until 4. It looks so much better! Walter called me and invited me to a BBQ he was thinking about having but I was in the cleaning zone, going into the city wouldn't have worked for me. I gathered up all my laundry, including rugs and blankets - I wanted to wash everything. I was done a little after 6 and then drove to the A & P. They put in a Pier 1 Imports by the old A & P. Now I know where to go in case I ever need a bamboo stick, ha ha. I had a steak for dinner, watched some TV and then a huge storm hit Hoboken. It was so bad, I just decided to turn everything off. I pulled up the blinds on my windows, laid down on my sofa and watched nature's fireworks. It was pretty cool. I fell asleep and woke up at 2:30 AM. Sunday I woke up around 9, had a few bowls of Cookie Crisp and watched The Office, season 2. Man, that was such a great show! I wanted to do something but didn't know what to do. I thought about driving to Atlantic City but then thought, maybe not. The Hoboken Arts and Music Festival was going on, I've seen Joan Jett and The Smithereens perform in the past, I walked up to Washington Street to check it out. I got up there, walked a half block and said to myself, 'OK, time to go.' Turns out, I'm not a festival crowd type person. Walking around on people's discarded funnel cakes and seeing a very large woman eating a gyro while trying to keep a leash on her unruly kids are images I won't soon forget. I walked home, had some dinner, moved a dresser in my bedroom and that was about it for the weekend. Have a great day! Sincerely your internet friend, Bob Weekend regret: When I was in IKEA Friday, the smell of cinnamon rolls was incredible! I was SO looking forward to having one (OK, 2 or 3) but then my sofa was ready for pick up and I forgot about the rolls, damn! 5-14-04 Watch Late Show's 4 AM (11:35 PM) show TONIGHT!!!! It's a great show, we had a lot of fun making it early this morning and there's even a cameo by yours truly (Bob, you know, me). WATCH IT!!! Have a great weekend, I'll tell you the whole story Monday. Stay Beautiful, Bob 5-13-04 My walk home last night was extremely humid and extremely sweaty. The cool-down factor (the time from closing my front door to the time I stop sweating) was about 15 minutes. Yes, things could be worse but I live a simple life - humidity ranks pretty high on the annoyance scale. I have to start out today's diary with a BIG shout out. Thank you Schraderman (From my message board)! Schraderman (Don't know his/her first name) sent me and autographed Chuck Norris sample book and another book about NYC. Free stuff! I'll be adding the book to my autograph section very soon. Again, thank you very much! Schraderman sends me some free stuff out of the goodness of his/her heart, Schraderman gets a strong mention in the old diary - that's how it works! I was watching a commercial for some World Wrestling pay-per-view special that's airing this month. The commercial featured WWE's latest super-star. I don't know his name, all I know is that he's a billionaire. I love how they cornered the market on billionaire wrestlers. They seem to have a new billionaire wrestler every ten years or so. OK, so let's get this straight: A guy, earns a billion dollars, he doesn't decide to keep making money or live the good life - he decides to become a wrestler?! OK, I guess? I love it - I also love that he wears suits and shows up to his wrestling matches in a limo, ha ha ha! If WWE's billionaire theory is correct it won't be long before we see a steel-caged death match between Donald Trump and Bill Gates, one can only hope. Thanks to everyone for their two cents about my sofa staying or going. People seem to agree that it should go. And I think you made the right call. I'm going to Ikea this weekend to find something that matches my crazy lifestyle (OK, something that resists powdered donut stains). Like I mentioned yesterday, this is my last diary for this week. I'll be busy sleeping tomorrow due to the 4 AM show. I'm very excited to see how it will all work out. I'll have a full report on Monday. Friday, 11:35 PM - Late Show's 4 AM show - CATCH THE FEVER! That's it - have a GREAT weekend! Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-12-04 I saw some guy waiting for the subway last night, he was in my line of sight because the train comes from his direction. The guy sneezes twice, very hard both times. Does he cover his mouth? No. Instead, he projects his sneeze onto the tracks. My question to you is this: Why am I trying so hard?! If society told him that this course of action is acceptable, why am I still using Puffs, like a common run-of-the-mill sucker?! It a perfect world, everyone on that platform should have beat the crap out of him to teach him some manners, in a perfect world. If I had to title my other subway story from this week, and I'm not making light of being homeless - I'd call it; Smelly Train. When the train passes by, I always look in the cars to see how crowded they are. I say to myself as they pass, 'crowded, crowded, not so bad, crowded, empty, crowded' and so on. Last week the car that stopped right in front of me was empty, almost too good to be true, I step on and it's CRAZY FUNKY! I see the poor guy causing the problem and feel bad but that's quickly forgotten as I try to breathe. Flash forward to Monday night, train stops, another empty car: The same guy is on there! Where the hell's he going two weeks in a row? I ran to the next car like someone was chasing me with an ax! Kind of funny, kind of sad. Seriously, please support homeless charities. Time for a new feature to bobborden.com, I call it: SHOULD IT STAY OR SHOULD IT GO? The item in question is my sofa. SHOULD IT STAY OR SHOULD IT GO? Here's the deal: I've had it for probably 7 years, I bought it AS-IS from Ikea, the slip cover was thrown away long ago, the cats use it as a scratching post, it doesn't get cleaned that often, it's too short for me to lay down - my legs have to hang over the side and it's butt ugly - honestly, it looks like it came from a crack den. The choice is yours, let me know on my message board, SHOULD IT STAY OR SHOULD IT GO? I'll post the decision tomorrow. Tell your friends! Speaking of telling your friends, are you telling your friends about Late Show's 4 AM show? I hope so, it should be a good one. I'm going to post a diary for Thursday but I'm taking Friday off because I'll probably be sleeping. I got off the bus last night and was hit with a wall of humidity. Isn't it too early for that? On the walk home, my neck was sweating, that's always nice. I ran into my friend Sarah, then I went home and typed up this crap, ha ha. That's it! Have a great day. Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-11-04 When I last wrote (yesterday) I was in the Hamptons, that's right, The Hamptons, playground to the rich & famous -- ha ha. I got on the road about 8:30 PM and had no problem finding 495. Except for one call to Walter where I was in mild-panic mode. I thought I missed my exit. But all was well. I hit traffic and that added an hour to the journey but what they didn't know was my Tivo was recording The Sopranos - traffic 0, Bob 1. Some guy broke down in the middle lane, you'd be surprised how that backs things up. I opened up my mailbox last night and found the latest issue of my college magazine. Horticulture is in, whatever the hell I do must be out And right on the cover, in bold print, mind you, it reads: "Growing Opportunities, Horticulture graduates are in high demand." WHY ARE THEY TELLING ME THIS NOW - I'm almost ten years out of college! Those Horticulturists must have one heck of a lobby group to get that kind of press, ha ha. So what do I do now, go back to college and study twigs? "Sir, sir, stop everything, I think I just discovered a new type of bark!" Ha ha, that was me in the lab as a Horticulturist. CSI: S.H.D., Special Horticulture Division, ha ha -- OK, I'm done. I got on the bus last night, and Neil Young's Change Your Mind was playing on my ipod. It's 15 minutes long. I listened to the whole song and just as it was ending, I was at my stop - it was MAGICAL! Then I get off the bus, go to my lotto place and I was too late to get in on some of that sweet Pick 6 action. Oh crap, I just checked it, it's been going up forever, it was up to 32 million, now it's 2 million. Someone won, it wasn't me. Oh well, good for them. I may sue the bus company for not getting me to the lotto store fast enough. I could have lost 2 million dollars! Think about it. We're doing a show at 4 am this week, it will air Friday. I'm really looking forward to doing something different. I'll talk about how it went in Friday's diary, not sure when I'll post that but I'll let you know when I know. Anyway, tell your friends about the 4 am Late Show! That's all I know today. It smells like burnt popcorn in my apartment building as I write this - WTF?! Have a great day, give someone a hug. Down For Whatever, Bob 5-10-04 As I write today's diary, my weekend isn't quite over. I just thought I'd get it "out of the way" so I could do more meaningful things, like listen to music and play violent video games, ha ha. I went to The Hamptons again this weekend. That's right, The Hamptons, you know, playground to the rich and famous, I love saying that by the way, so stupid. This weekend I was solo, Walter and "Sally" had other plans but said I could enjoy their place. And enjoy it I did! But before I get too ahead of myself, let's go back to Friday. Work was work and I was looking forward to chilling out. I decided to leave Saturday morning so I could pick up some patio furniture from Walter and Sally. You know, I'm not going to use the quotes around Sally's name anymore, screw it, she's just Sally. Anyway, I got home Friday night and cleaned my apartment. I'm not sure why but I had dishes in my sink for about three weeks, I just didn't feel like doing them. But everything's clean now. My apartment needs a sofa. I have to get rid of my Ikea as-is sofa, it's driving me nuts. Saturday I woke up at 6:30 AM and was at Walter's by 7:50 AM. We loaded up the patio table and chairs and I was on my way! It only took me 2 times circling around the block and one call to Walter before I found the midtown tunnel to 495. I usually get lost the first time I go anywhere so I'll take going around the block a few times any day. 495 was smooth, then around exit 60, it hit me -- I don't have the keys to their place! How stupid! Calls were made and luckily, they left the key with a neighbor and he was able to let me in. Crazy and pretty funny. I was ready to go home, thank goodness I didn't have to. I got into town and enjoyed a hamburger. I like small-town USA, the stores, the people, the relaxed attitude. I even ran into someone from work, that was crazy, being that I'm two hours out of the city. I got a haircut after the hamburger and walked around a little more. Then I hit a yard sale, I didn't buy anything. I went to the supermarket to buy some dinner. I was going to cook something up but then I thought, why? I bought a pre-cooked chicken, some frozen mac & cheese. It was good. I watched TV, played some games and called it a night. Sunday, I woke up around 8:30, fixed myself a bowl of Cookie Crisp and watched CBS Sunday Morning. After that I cleaned up a little, got a shower and drove around. I ended up back in town and bought my niece a gift for her 4th Birthday this Sunday. I went into the store, looked around and said, what do people buy for a 4 year old girl? I have no clue what to buy a girl, young or old, ha ha. She had some good suggestions and off I went. I picked up a gyro and was on my way. i was going to eat somewhere but didn't feel like spending another $20 to sit somewhere. Money seems to go very quick out here. I forgot to mention that when I pulled into town and needed gas, I paid $2.09 a gallon! The highest I've ever paid for gas. I went to the beach! Not much going on this time of year but it's always nice to hear the waves crash. I saw what looked like a helmet in the sand and turned it over with my foot: What is this?! It was as big as my foot! I have no idea what this shell belonged to but I'm glad I wasn't around to see it, scary! It looks like it could suck your face right off! That's it! Have a great Monday. Sincerely your, relaxed, internet friend, Bob PS Thanks Walter and "Sally" - The quotes are back! 5-07-04 Show of hands, how many people have to take a lint roller to their sheets before they go to bed due to excessive cat hair? That's what I thought. Note to self; make bed BEFORE I leave for work. Holy crap! Did you watch Friends last night?! Good Lord, there was SO much HYPE in the media about the last episode! Time for a new segment to bobborden.com, I call it: bobborden.com Salutes The Only Guy In America Not To Watch The Friends Finale: Did not watch Friends Hey, did I just salute myself? That can be painful. "Boooooooo, you suck Borden!" That was, bobborden.com Salutes The Only Guy In America Not To Watch The Friends Finale -- Tell your friends! -- no pun intended. "You Suck!" I stopped watching years ago when Late Show would tape two shows on Thursday. That means I usually wouldn't get home until 10 or so. And this was before Tivo. I could have set the VCR if I REALLY cared but once the Friends started getting knocked up and sleeping with each other, the innocence was lost. I am a student of popular culture, so I feel bad for not watching it in that respect but I couldn't bring myself to turn on the TV. I just couldn't do it. In other news, it's Friday! The weekend starts now! I love getting excited for the weekend, just like a regular working Joe. I stopped off in the record store last night, man, that was a mistake. I don't know what the hell is going on in there. I bought one used CD that I've wanted for a while but wasn't inspired to buy anything else. Have I reached the age where I don't understand what the kids are into? I hope not, I always wanted to be one of those Dads that enjoyed the same music as their kids. Is there such a thing? Maybe I should focus on getting a date before I start worrying about what my kids think, ha ha. Time to revist the hit new feature to bobborden.com, Learn to Play Guitar with Steve Young! When we last visited Steve (3/26/04), he was teaching us the finer points of the "G" chord. Again, Steve is a writer with Late Show and can play a mean guitar. Bob: "OK Steve, what are you going to show us today?" Steve: "Today's lesson is the D7 chord" Steve demonstrates how to properly hold the guitar. Top right: Steve demonstrates the proper fingering technique. Bottom right: Chord chart so you can play along at home. Thanks Steve, that was great! First the "G" and now the good old "D7" -- PEOPLE REALLY WIN ON BOBBORDEN.COM! -- I mean, That was Learn to Play Guitar with Steve Young - Tell Your Friends! That's it for another week in the life of Bob (Me). Have a great weekend! Forever, Bob 5-06-04 I went into a store last night to get out of the rain. I was checking out, a kid and his brother were behind me. The little brother wanted a candy bar but the big brother said, "No way, that's junk, this is what you want, this is good." The big brother was buying fruit and looking out for the younger brother. And there I was, with a bag of cheese curls and Orangina. Divine intervention? Perhaps. It just struck me as odd after my comment in yesterday's diary. You are what you eat. I eat the wrong things and I tend to eat more than I should. Thinking out loud. I would love to do a heavy metal version of Tears for Fears' Head Over Heels. That's such a great song! Just a nice heavy guitar over that opening keyboard part, damn, that'd be exciting to hear. I mentioned the rain at the top of the diary. I got off the bus last night around 8:10 and down it came! Rain Like I said, I went into the store to get away but it was worse when I walked out. I saw people running but I decided to walk. I remembered a great line from Ghostdog: The Way of the Samurai: "There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. By doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you will still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to all things." How cool is that? There are great quotes like that throughout the whole film. The director, Jim Jarmusch, took them from the Hagakure, the book of the Samurai, he used the words as a transitional device. The quotes set the tone for the scenes to come, pretty smart. I think I'm going to buy that book, I'd like to read that. That's all I know today. Stay beautiful, Bob 5-05-04 I don't know what to get my Mom for Mother's Day. I was thinking flowers or a Vermont Teddy Bear. An LCD TV is too expensive, I could get her a digital camera, she takes a lot of pictures but I'm not sure if the learning curve is too high. Oh wait, I forgot, my Mom reads this everyday. Mom, what do you want?! I have to go on a diet, I'm a mess. I've been talking for years and years but never follow through. It's crazy this whole wave of low-carbs/high protein. It's a media hot topic. But I guess they're right, we are getting fatter, right? Did you see 10.5? "Yep, that's a 10.5" I watched a little, it was pretty good, as far as bad TV mini-series go. That's not saying much but I will say one thing, at least they're trying to help people out. This is a message at the bottom of the 10.5 website: "Are you prepared? Visit the American Red Cross online and FEMA's official site for earthquake preparedness tips." HA HA, come on! That's like putting a 'how to be a Judge' link at the bottom of the Judging Amy website. OK, that's all I have today. If you feel cheated out of a full diary, may I remind you that this is free, FREE! OK then. Have a great day. Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-04-04 Hello. I don't have a weather map of the USA but I hope your Monday wasn't 100% rain, like it was in New York. I was inside all day, as usual, but still, the rain brings the mood down. I forgot to mention this yesterday, on Friday morning, I stopped off at Rupert's Hello Deli and he reminded me about the Kentucky Derby. I walked out of there with one thing on my mind: MUST PLACE BET NOW. I called Walter before he left for work to see if he passes by an Off Track Betting (O.T.B.) place, no luck. Later that day I was finally able to make arrangements and a bet was placed. I was going to bet on a horse with 50 to 1 odds but then thought, it's 50 to 1 because the horse stinks -- don't be a sucker. I did a little research and placed a bet on Master David to win, for $60 bucks. 10 to 1 odds, that means if he would have won, I'd walk away with a cool $600 and i could finally open that bar in Florida that I always write about. Of course, he didn't win, he finished in 12th place. I wasn't upset that I lost because for the first time in my life, the Kentucky Derby was DAMN exciting! Thanks for a good time Master David Bob's Tip of the Day: "Life in a rut? Think about betting as a way to spice things up. It gets the blood moving and hey, maybe you'll pick up a few bucks along the way -- Betting: It's a good thing. Tell Your Friends!" Sunday night after I got back from The Hamptons, that's right, The Hamptons, playground for the rich and famous -- I was cleaning up the apartment. I walked from the front room to the bedroom and didn't see some water from my cat's dish and down I went! My fat ass hit the floor like a sack of wet bowling balls! It wasn't a graceful fall either, I was stunned, like 'what the hell just happened?' re-enactment But I'm all the better for the experience, I guess. That'd be a sad way to go, slipping on the floor. That's it for today. Hey, my message board is back up, I can breathe again -- POST UNTIL YOU CAN'T POST NO MORE! Or do whatever the heck you want. Have a great day. Sincerely your internet friend, Bob 5-03-04 I'm keeping my weekend promise to myself by continuing to MIX IT UP! A week ago, I was in Steubenville, Ohio and this past weekend, I was in a little place, I'm not sure if you've ever heard of it, The Hamptons? Playground to the rich and famous? Anyway -- Friday night I got home around 8 and had a chicken tostada. Then I got my stuff together real quick, kissed the cats and hit the road! The traffic going into the Lincoln Tunnel was nothing by 9:00, which was a relief. I was going with Walter and "Sally" but in separate cars. My brother, George, gave Walter an old drum set and I was transporting it. I was lucky enough to get to them before they hit the road, I was so happy because I knew I'd get lost going by myself. We had a great drive out, no traffic, we got there around 11, I believe. Saturday I woke up at 10, that was some sweet sleep-in time. Then after a bowl (or two) of Fruity Pebbles, Walter and I unloaded the drums. He has to add about $150 in stands and pedals but then he'll have a full set. And "Sally" couldn't be happier about the new addition -- Just kidding. Around 12, we decided to move some logs. We moved them from the front yard, to the backyard. But we didn't move them close to their final place, so we had to move the pile again. It was good exercise for me but we really didn't think ahead. After the logs and showers, we headed to get some Mexican food. Cool little place I had chicken tostadas, "Sally" enjoyed a chicken burrito and Walter had some tacos. It was SO good! We drove around a little bit to checkout the crazy (Nice) homes people live in. Amazingly cool homes and by the beach too, what more could you want? But I wonder if those people are really happy? I'm sure they're fine. Walter and I drove to K-Mart later that day. I bought some Chex Mix, Walter bought some Gatorade. We picked up some pizza and stayed in Saturday night. We played a game called UNO Attack. It's UNO but supercharged with some device that spits out random cards when your cards don't match. Sometimes, it would spit out one or two but when it was my turn, it always seemed like it spit out 5 to 7 cards! That machine hated me! To be fair, the machine hated everyone, ha ha. But we all agree, that UNO Attack is the greatest game ever, repeat, EVER! And it doesn't hurt if you have a couple of beers in you, ha ha! I woke up Sunday morning at 10. I did my laundry, played a little guitar and got a shower. We went out to a nice little bar to get lunch, it was very good. We got back around 5ish, played some more UNO Attack and soon it was time to hit the road. The drive back was foggy but safe. I made it through without hitting major traffic, which is huge! And my Jeep stuck to the road like a son-of-a-bitch! Good for my Jeep! I got back around 9 and now I'm writing this. I had a GREAT, relaxing weekend. Thank you Walter and "Sally" for everything! That's it! Have a great Day. Always, Bob

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