5-24-01
I have to start off today's Diary with an apology. I apologize to Chris Schukei. On my way out of the office last night I bumped into Chris. Chris asked me where I went to lunch earlier in the day. I said, "Dude, I got to go." And then the elevator door closed. I felt bad about that. Jay, Walter, Chris and myself went to McDonald's for lunch. The place was so crowded, I looked at the lines for a second and then I took off to get something else. I didn't want to get stuck in a line because I had to get back to the office. Chris, to answer your question, I went to San Leone and got some lasagna. Again, my apologies...big ups to Nebraska! I watched Sea of Love last night. I was surprised; it was a pretty good movie. I made a comment yesterday that I saw a guy in the subway, reading the phone book. I think I used him as an example of a stupid person. Well, last night I caught myself reading my hat. My hat! I know everything about that lid -- where it was made, who made it and what it's made of. It's like my friend Tommy says, "Crazy world." This is the last diary until June 4th. I'm taking a week off of BobBorden.com to reflect and to improve this site. Here's a list of some of the improvements I'm thinking about making: Chat room, a game room, online polls, a weekly giveaway, win a date with Bob, wash Bob's car, more merchandise, Paula's Notes - live! And much, much more! Tell a friend about BobBorden.com! Have a great day.

5-23-01
I was walking home last night and I saw this couple walking out of a restaurant. She said to him, "It's still raining?" I just said to myself, yeah sweets, it's still raining. I love overhearing people - It just proves this theory I have: People are stupid. Take that stranger! I have another example of "stupid people" I saw a guy on the subway this morning. He was reading the phone book. The phone book! OK, I don't really have much to say today. I'll be honest; I'm taking next week off so I'm just counting the days. I put an online poll on my message board yesterday. I believe my question was, "Is it raining where you live?" The most popular answer to that question was, "I like bacon." Thanks everybody, your vote really does make a difference on BobBorden.com. You know - I watch the news almost every night. And almost every night another dot com bites the dust. I just want to say thank you, worldwide, to all the fans of BobBorden.com! You've made this the number one site on the Internet and you should be proud! NUMBER ONE! This is my promise to you - As long as there's someone out there with a computer and a willingness to waist their time, BobBorden.com will be here. No downsizing, no cutbacks - WE'RE HERE TO STAY! I'm thinking about getting a newer car. Today's Question of the Day on my message board is - How much is your car payment? I'd love to hear from you and remember, you don't have to use your real name. OK, that's it for today. Have a good one.

5-22-01
The sky is crying. I said it before and I'll say it again; I like the rain because you can't see my tears. I also like the rain because it cleanses the streets of all the dirt and scum. Hello everybody! So, I get rid of HBO, I wasn't kidding when I wrote that yesterday. The Sopranos is over with and the shock value of all those bad sex shows has worn off. Why keep it if I'm not going to use it? So where should my cable dollars go? ShowTime! Chris Isaak has a show on that network. How bad could it possibly be? I love his music. It's B-A-D! It's a sitcom, with no laughs. Chris and his band get into wacky adventures. You know what I would love to see? Chris Isaak and his band behind the scenes. Just have some cameras follow them around. What's it like before the big show? What do they do in their down time? It just seems like they could have had something great rather than a re-tread of a thousand sitcoms. I dumped Showtime already. I gave them one night to entertain me - they didn't do it. I like Starz and Encore better. At least they show good movies every now and then. Busy day at work yesterday. It's good to be busy; you can quote me on that. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH Two gloomy days in a row! One more day and I'm going to snap. Damn, I really wanted to like that show! Oh well, I'm going to go put on Baja Sessions and cry like a baby. Have a great day

5-21-01
I had a lovely weekend. It was a shame it had to end. On Friday, I watched Superman over at Jay's house, with friends. You can't go wrong with that movie. Saturday, was the day of movies. I woke up and started things off with Rocky from there I went to Apocalypse Now, that a great one - They're going to re-release that one to the theaters with additional footage, I can't wait! OK, now, here's where things get a little rough - I watched Malone, a Burt Reynolds classic from the 80's. Then, Commando, that's still a fun movie, right? I brought it back up with Grand Canyon. I really like that film. And the night ended on a down note, I watched this film on Speedvision, called Shaker Run. That was a mistake, not only for me, the viewer, but for everyone involved in that project -- but, hey, you have to take the good with the bad. Sunday, I was going to get up crazy early and be the first person at the laundromat, kids, it's important to set goals. Anyway, I slept in! The laundromat wasn't crowded so everything was cool. I hate a crowded laundromat! I washed the slipcover to my sofa. I wash it every two years, whether it needs it or not, ha ha. My dream is to someday be able to use the 50-LB washing machine. That thing looks so cool! Then, I went to the A & P and loaded up on stuff. I had cheese ravioli for dinner. MMMMMMMMM. I used Ragu, I know, it's a guilty pleasure. I was expecting more from The Sopranos last night. It was just too mellow for me. Last week's episode was better. Oh well, time to cancel my HBO until next season. OK, that's it for today, have a good one.

5-18-01
Crazy day at work yesterday. I was so busy I forgot to eat lunch. The weekend is here and I'm going to get so wasted!!!! Just kidding. I'm going to watch Superman over at a friend's house. I'm looking forward to watching it on a bigger TV. They were going to re-release it but I guess it didn't pan out. Well, I'll tell you what, my friends and I would have gone to see it. It's better than that crap that's out now. Hollywood, are you listening? I'm in your face and I'm not going anywhere! I'm looking forward to The Sopranos on Sunday. I haven't read or listened to any of the speculation. All I know is this; I'm going to cancel my HBO the minute the finale is over. Take that, millionaires! On Saturday, I may just buy a car. The Skylark is going to leave me stranded soon, I can feel it. I'm ready to go into debt. At first I was thinking Kia. Now, I say what the heck, if you're going to go into debt for $16,000, why not go into debt for $40,000 and get a Range Rover? So, on Saturday, I'll probably buy a Range Rover. I want to say thanks to Walter for his contribution yesterday. Every now and then I just hit the wall, ya know. I was going to go out last night but I didn't feel like it. And because of that, I get the rap of being called Old Man Borden. I just wanted to kick it on my sofa, in my underwear, after a long day. Is that so wrong? Does that make me an old man? Are you going to watch the season finale of The Sopranos? Tell me about it on my message board. Blah blah blah. Time for something I haven't done in a while. Bob's Friday Cliffhangers...

WILL BOB MEET THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS?

CAN THE SOPRANOS LIVE UP TO THE HYPE?

WILL BOB BUY A RANGE ROVER?

WILL CAT FOOD BE ON SALE AT THE A & P?

WHO IS BOB?

That's it. Have a great weekend.

5-17-01
I watched Rocky last night. I really only watched an hour of it. I may have reached the age where I fall asleep in front of the TV. It happened to me three times this week. Man, that Rocky is a great film. I don't have much to say today. My lights were on last night and there were no punks sitting on my car. All is right with the world. It was chilly last night, great sleeping weather. Is that anything? Did you know that the new Weezer CD is only 28 minutes long? I like it, but come on, kick me another song for 13 bones, you know! I've got nothing today, absolutely nothing. I need a nap. Have a great day. I just had a great idea! Rather than end my diary now, I'll let Walter, my friend and webmaster, say anything he wants. No theme, no nothing. Just space to write about anything, absolutely anything. OK Walter, take it away....

The only thing I did last night was watch a baseball game. Oakland vs. Yankees. Anyway, during the game they often take shots of people in the crowd with wacky signs or with their face painted. Last night, they took a shot of a young guy sitting by himself way up in bleachers wearing a wacky hat. It made him look like he had a bat going through his head. Wacky! The guy looked like a normal young man, just out enjoying a nice night of baseball. So they keep taking shots of this young man and the announcers are making stupid comments like, "Wow, I bet that hurt!" and "That's the strangest bat boy I've ever seen!" More shots of the guy, more lame jokes. Suddenly, the boy takes out a pipe (presumably filled with pot) and lights up! All you see is this huge flame and the guy taking a big drag on the pipe. They just showed a guy smoking pot on TV! It was a great live TV moment. Needless to say, they didn't take any more shots of the young man.
That's all I got. Much love to Bob.

5-16-01
I'm on the subway last night and I hear the couple next to me laughing. I think to myself, man, it must be nice to be in love. I look over and they're reading the comics! I've never seen anyone laugh out loud at the comics before - Let alone two people. I've come to the conclusion that they may have been on smack. I get back to Hoboken and I bought a small thing of ice cream. I get home and turn on the lights, no lights. No electricity, no nothing! I was like, damn, that's cold blooded! My frozen dinners were hot and my cats were like, what's up? I called PSE&G and when they hooked up my new neighbor, they unhooked me. There I was, looking out the window, waiting for the guy to come. I was in the dark for an hour and a half. Ice cream, ruined. So, I'm still looking out the window, what else could I do? And I see three guys drinking beers, walking up the block. They decided to take a break and sit down, that's right, on my car. You know what I did, not a damn thing! My car is like some kind of magnet for troubled youths. PSE&G finally comes and, bam, I'm back in business. Oh, and a lawsuit will be filed. So, I'm kicking it on the sofa with my mush that was once, a premium ice cream. I put in the new Superman DVD that I borrowed off of Jay. It's amazing! - Wide screen, great restoration and a ton of extras. I'm twenty minutes into it and my brother calls. "Dude, I just found a car for you, get online and check it out." I stop the movie and get online. It's a 1980 300sd Benz for $1200. I saw one on the way to work today, it's as big as a tank and it's a diesel. I need something crazy small so I can park on the street. It was a nice thought but it just seems like a money pit. That's a pretty big jump to make, from a Skylark to a Benz. It just wasn't me. I like the new REM CD. I called Jay and talked about Superman and how great it is. I couldn't help to notice the different tones of that film. Jay said the beginning is like Norman Rockwell painting and then goes into more of a comic book feel. I've always had a problem with the comic book feel of it. It just seems like such a different film once they get to Metropolis. However, it's still great. I had this doormat in front of my door for years. Instead of "Welcome" it says, "GO AWAY." It always put a smile on my face. I threw it out this morning for something more traditional. OK, here's something new. It's a segment called Bob's Secret. It's something that no one else knows but me. Here it goes: Today, I'm wearing brown shoes, with a black belt. I love fashion! OK, have a great day. If you see a small Honda for $1000, drop me a line.

5-15-01
OK, let me start off this Diary by putting all the rumors to rest. Was that me running across home plate on the show last night? Yes. How cool is that, I get to play softball and I was on the tube. Again, I played on Friday -- today is Tuesday and I'm still in pain. I gave 100% for the team and I'm paying the price. Was it worth it you ask? Yes, yes it was. Do you own Some Girls by The Rolling Stones? I borrowed it off of Walter and, man, that's some good stuff! I don't really have much to say today. Did you watch The Sopranos? Oh, I wrote about that yesterday, Damn! OK, how's this: When I played softball on Friday, the field was really dusty. My shoes were ruined, so I thought. I threw them into the washing machine and, presto, as good as new. So, I wore them to work today. During the washing process the plastic supports in the ankle must have broke. Long story, short, I sit here writing today's diary as my ankle is bleeding. So, I'm going to start my Tuesday by buying some new shoes! Have a good one.

5-14-01
I played softball on Friday. I had a great time, but I'm still sore...really sore. It's pretty sad when you think about it. I scored two runs. Amazing, considering that I haven't gotten off the sofa, ever. Saturday, I went to a couple of neighborhoods to check out if I could live there. Turns out, I can't. So, I'm staying put. I also did my laundry and went to the store. I went crazy cleaning my apartment. I Feng Shuied my bedroom a while back, so I could be in harmony with the world. Well, I Feng Shuied it back! I don't believe any of that stuff. Sunday, I woke up late and did some more cleaning. And Sunday night I went over to Walter's and a bunch of us cooked up some steaks. Mmmmmmmmmmm, steak. Walter cooked 'em up right! Then, we watched The Sopranos. That was the best one this season! There were some really good intense scenes. I can't wait until the season finale next week. When I was cleaning my apartment, I found my nail clippers in my sofa cushion - that paints a lovely picture of my home life, doesn't it? Anyway, I haven't seen them in over 6 months! In a related story, later today, Guiness is giving me the record for the longest fingernails. Boooooooooooo. I finally beat that lady from India. Hissssssssssss. That's about it. I could keep writing about all the stuff I found while cleaning, but really, who cares? That's it, be real.

5-11-01
I'm writing today's Diary at 5 am! Why 5 am you ask? I got home last night and watched the Andy Griffith Show. Then I went to bed to just lay down for a second. And the next thing I knew, it was 5 am. You know, I haven't written a poem in a while, so, what the heck.

5 AM

Dreamer of dreams
Twilight's cry of despair
Don't forget the glove
The City is empty

It's too hot to sleep
Humidity stains the night
Are you OK?
At 5 AM

There are only possibilities
Did you find the wolf?
The sunrise is a mystery
At 5 AM

5 AM My dreams are put on hold
Lonely ideals cloud my mind
At 5 AM

Hey, that's not so bad. Here's what I may or may not have going on this weekend. I may play softball tonight. I might look for an apartment. And I might finish the short film Walter and I shot a few weeks ago. Man, I just hit the wall. I'm going to bed. Have a great weekend. What are you doing this weekend? Let me know on my message board. Have a good one.

I'm back, it's 10:38. Wow, I can't believe I got on the computer at 5 am. And I can't believe I wrote a poem. I kind of like it. This morning in Rupert's, I ran into my friend, Lee. Lee's a writer on the show. Anyway, he bought me breakfast!!!! Big ups to LEE!!!! And on Wednesday, my boss, Eric, bought me soup for lunch. Big ups to Eric!!! And on Thursday, my other boss, Justin, bought me McDonolds!!!! So, big ups to Justin. OK, have a great weekend. I want to say, Happy Mother's Day to my Mom. She's been through a lot this year. I love you sweets! That's it, see ya on Monday.

5-10-01
Happy, sad, lonely, good sad, hot, optimistic, excited, scared, worried, afraid, cool. That's an exercise I learned from an acting class I took a while ago. While the other people look at you, you say how you're feeling right now. The point was to loosen you up and free yourself and to see how you react to what people are saying. I haven't done that in a while. Everybody had to do it, including the teacher. He was usually last. His exercise usually went something like this, "I'm sad, lonely, depressed, worried." Then he would pause and in a very peppy, upbeat tone, he'd break character and say, "OK, let's have a great class everybody!" It was very funny. Not "ha ha" funny but more like, OK, funny. OK, it was "ha ha" funny too. I learned a lot in that class. Thanks for answering my Question of the Day yesterday. And to those people that just read and don't participate, shame on you! I couldn't believe some of those prices! I'm doing something wrong. I can't have a roommate at this stage in the game. I'm 31! When I get home I like to strip down to my underwear and kick it with my feet up, hello ladies. The point is - I'm set in my ways. Plus, I have cats. Plus, I'd always be worried that the person would just leave or wouldn't have the rent money. It just seems like a bigger hassle. Also, I wake up every morning screaming. And, I take 31 showers a day. So you see, I have legitimate issues. You know, I think that's it for today. Remember, don't ever stop believing. Yep, that's all I got. Have a good day.

5-09-01
I keep forgetting to tell this story. When Paula and I went to meet Marly for drinks, we took the subway. I took my time sitting down. So, as I started to sit, the train started moving. I lost my balance and almost crushed this guy. This guy was dressed in the "gangsta" clothing line of the day. My life passed before my eyes. The only thing I could do was laugh and say I'm sorry. Everybody on the train saw it happen. I whispered to Paula, "I almost killed a guy." She responded, "Smooth." OK, about yesterday's Diary, I'm fine. I had friends and family crawling out of the woodwork to make sure I wasn't standing on a ledge. It's just that all of these bad things happened to me at once. No big deal, that's life, babies. I like to write it up so I don't keep it all bottled up inside. For the most part, it works. Check it out, here's another bad thing: I forgot to buy shaving cream last night. I had to shave with soap, ouch. See, something bad happened, I wrote about it and I'm fine. OK, now it's time for some GOOD NEWS...I had some pasta for dinner last night and it was exquisite. And here's some more GOOD NEWS - I spelled "exquisite" without using spellchecker! You don't even know how huge that is. I still have the paper somewhere - back in grade school once, I spelled my name "Boob Borden." My parents must have been proud. Hey, I'm going to put up a question on my message board today. I just want to know, how much is your rent and what are you renting? Please drop me a line, remember, you don't have to use your real name. OK, that's it for today. Much love, I'm out.

5-08-01
I feel like I'm at the crossroads. For anyone else out there that finds themselves in a similar position, here's a tip; don't put on The Love Songs of a certain Mr. Lionel Richie. That stuff can bring you down. Bobby needs a little Dr. Feelgood to bring me back up. Sometimes I wish there was a path to follow. Job, home, car, woman - How do you fit them all together? Do they all fit together? Yesterday I said I looked in Queens for a place to live and that I liked Queens. I found out later that a one bedroom costs $1100/$1200. It just breaks your heart. Back in Ohio I could rent two homes for that! For the amount of money I paid out in rent over the last five years, I could have owned my own home. Not a big house mind you but a nice place. The closer you are to the city, the more money it costs. Here's a conversation I had yesterday with a real estate agent:

Bob: Here's what I'm looking for, promise not to laugh...

Agent: Go ahead...

Bob: I'm looking for a one bedroom in the neighborhood of $800.

Agent: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

That's a true story. So, I'll probably just end up staying where I am. There's no Late Show in Ohio. That's what I keep telling myself. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! That felt good. When I did my laundry this weekend, I almost screwed up my good shirts. The shirts and my whites go in small washers and the rest goes into a big machine. Well, I got the whites and the shirts mixed up. I put powered bleach into the machine with my shirts! I was almost in tears. I got a paper towel and quickly scooped up all the bleach. There was bleach everywhere! I apologized to the lady for messing up her machine. Thank goodness, there was no damage to my shirts. I've got some kind of crazy bad karma going on - If you believe in that kind of thing. It may have happened when I walked out of that bar. I think Marly put a hex on me. However, I was sweating before I met her so, that doesn't hold water. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I just did the spell check, I misspelled bleach every time, I spelled it "bleech." I've misspelled that word before. Funny how the mind works and what memories get brought up from years ago. OK, well, this Diary sure was depressing, wasn't it? Everything happens for a reason, I think. Have a great day.

5-07-01
Hello. If you haven't read my diary from 5/3/01, do so now because this won't make any sense to you. I'm going to do He said, She said but I'm going to put a twist on it. He said, She said and She said. That's right, 3 people, Marly, Paula and myself, will talk about the first time I met Marly. Here it goes...

HE SAID (The part of He is really me, Bob.) I really did it this time. Paula and myself got to the bar around nine o'clock. The first thing I said to Paula is, "It's hot in here." We walked through the place and there she was, the girl I've been writing to for about two months! Man, I don't mind saying; she's very attractive. Paula and I got some drinks at the bar, Paula bought my drink--thanks sweets--and then the heat really hit me. I started sweating. I said to Paula, "Dude, I'm sweating." We chilled at the bar for a few minutes so I could, you know, stop sweating. Then we went over to the table. Marly works in the food industry and likes to cook. So, as a birthday gift, I brought her a box of "gourmet" chocolates. I actually got the biggest, cheapest box I could find, that was the joke. She opened it up and some people got the joke and some I think, didn't get it. That's the risk you take when you try out new material. I forgot to mention that on top of sweating, I was crammed into this corner seat of a wooden booth. I was very uncomfortable. So, at that point, I excused myself and went to the men's room. Not to use the room for its intended purpose but to towel off. I got back to the table; I was still sweating! I wasn't nervous either; the room was very, very hot and humid. Plus, I was wearing one of those shirts that is 100% Rayon, I'm quite the fashion plate. I was standing at the table because I wasn't ready to shoehorn my large butt in that seat again. At that point, I said to myself, "You got to get out of here -- but how?" I knew that if I said goodbye, ten minutes after arriving, I'd look odd. So, I just said to myself, "Screw this, I'm miserable." I walked over to the bar, put my drink down and walked out the door. I really felt bad for what I did and for not saying goodbye. I've apologized to Marly and Paula and they've accepted, I think. I hope that I'll get the chance to spend time with Marly again but as of today, there are no plans to do so. I'm a jerk. Paula told me the a/c kicked on a few minutes after I left.

SHE SAID (The part of She is really her, Marly.) So last night was my birthday drink thing with friends, and at around 9pm Paula and Bob arrived (did you know that in Ireland when you say someone's "arrived" it means they've reached the big "o"? Seriously). I leapt up to say hello and after a hug with cat-proximity clothing I did not sneeze. Bob felt this was a good sign. Or perhaps it was all that liquor killing my senses. Anyway, I went back to the table and finally Paula and Bob joined after some private time (I am NOT trying to start rumors). Then Bob gave me a large wrapped box and a card -- that was very thoughtful! -- turns out it was about 2 lbs. of Whitman's chocolate with a white truffle golf ball bonus pack from Duane Reade. YUM. So we're all sitting there chatting away and then Bob's standing up and then we all realize Bob is gone and he never came back! It's so ironic, for someone I cat date, I mean, can't date, last night he acted like all my ex-boyfriends. How'd you do that, Bob? Anyway, we carried on and had more beer and told stories and when I got home do not doubt for a second that I sat by the TV watching my Survivor finale tape while eating probably a half pound of the Whitman's. Oh joy; it was a glorious night.

SHE SAID (The part of She is really her, Paula.) Bobby and I took the subway downtown. It was hot that night. It was about 20 degrees hotter inside the bar. We spotted Marly & her friends, said hello. Bob & I bellied up to the bar to get some drinks. Marly joined us. We chatted for a few minutes & Marly sat back down with her friends. We joined them. It was tight seating. Bobby was hot. We gave her our gifts. Bob, against my advice, bought her a box of Whitman's chocolate -- classy. He's single, ladies. Then Bob went to the bathroom. Then Bob came back & stood for a minute. Then Bob left. Yup, just up & left, no goodbye. After a few minutes, I went to the front of the bar (thinking he was getting air). No Bob. At first I thought, good Lord, someone's kidnapped Bob. Like in that movie The Vanishing (which I never saw, but would imagine it to be just like that). Then I realized that he was simply trying to make the worst impression ever. Mission accomplished. Freak show.

Thanks, ladies. So, that was that. Friday morning, I got a haircut. Supercuts did right by me, again. Friday night I listened to my neighbor's bass on his stereo, that was nice. They're going to raise my rent to a price that I'm not comfortable paying. So, on Saturday I looked for apartments in New Jersey - Bad experience. I can't say anymore than that because there's probably going to be litigation. If you know one thing about me, know this; I'll sue at the drop of a hat. Sunday, I went to Queens and checked things out there. I want to give a special thanks to Chris and Colleen for their hospitality. I like Queens; it wasn't as bad as I thought. OK, that's it for today, isn't that enough? Have a good day. MARLY!!!! MARLY, COME BACK!!!!!!!!

5-03-01
Last night, I saw that the lotto was up to 90 million. So, it's time for Bobby to play! The cashier told me the Pick Six was up to 28 million. He said, "You might as well play that too." I said, "90 million is enough for one night." He just kept pushing it on me, "Come on, you can't use 28 million?" I just played the 90 million. The drawing is Friday night, wish me luck. Every time the jackpot gets that high, I think I'm going to win. I always daydream about what I'd get; I daydream until I drive myself crazy. I'd get: a house, a car, a boat, a house for my brother, a custom made cat tree for my cats and last but not least, a solid gold toilet. Aren't you glad you caught today's diary? Tonight, I'm going to meet a friend of Paula's, her name is Marly. I asked Marly to write about our "relationship" up to this point, as we've never met. So, this is a new addition to BobBorden.com, I call it, "He said, She said". I know, very original.

HE SAID: (The part of "he" is really me, Bob.) I first heard of Marly about two months ago. Paula had told me she was going out with her friend Marly tonight. My first response, and I remember this as if it was yesterday, was, is she single? She was. And I immediately started harassing Paula to give me her e-mail address, so I could, you know, introduce myself. I was just excited about meeting a person that Paula spoke very highly of. Paula, on the other hand, didn't think it was such a great idea. I finally got her e-mail address. I swear; it took me over a week to get it. I think I wrote to her and introduced myself that day. It took her a while to respond. "A while" to me is more than a half-hour, ha ha. I finally got fed up and told Paula that when she sees her friend, tell her I don't care if I ever hear back from her! That was Bobby 2001 talking. I was using reverse psychology, I think. Anyway, she wrote back. It wasn't too long after and she found out that I have cats. Long story short, she won't go out with me because of my cats. She's allergic. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! So, you'd think that would make me not want to go out with her. Wrong. I think we can work around the cats. I usually end every e-mail by asking her out, I know, smooth. So, I'm going to meet her for the first time tonight. I'm really looking forward to it! It's her birthday! I still can't believe she invited me, I'm going to make such a fool out of myself. The night will probably end with me, somewhere in NYC, yelling, "MARLY!!! MARLY!!!!!"

SHE SAID: (The part of "she" is really her, Marly.) I first heard about Bob when I was on the phone with Paula (of Paula's notes, yes that's right). She said "My friend Bob says he doesn't care if you never email him!" to which I replied "Who's Bob?" Paula sent me to Bob's website so I could attempt to answer my own question. I went onto the site and was met by Bob's spinning head. A terrific first impression! "He's hysterical!" I wrote to Paula. I read on about Bob's stuff, Bob's FAQ's, and then I saw it... Bob's cats. Even though in Bob's FAQs it says he wants to meet a woman (and is straight), I can't date men with cats. It's a long story. I told this to Bob. I'm deathly allergic. I've tried it before. It doesn't work. Bob wants to meet anyway. He wants me to ignore the fact that I'll be sneezing when just standing near him (the dander is hiding everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!) I keep telling him it's not meant to be; yet he persists. I persist back. We email sometimes. It's fun. I thought it would be fun to meet as homeys, so on Thursday night Bob & Paula are coming to my drinks thing, and I'm looking forward to finally meeting Bob but worry he's going to hug me so hard I won't be able to breathe! But that's ok, I'll bring my inhaler.

I can't wait until tonight! I'm going to take 80 showers during the day so my cats aren't part of this experience. I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'm going to kickstart my diet. I've been doing OK but I can do much, much better. Due to regularly scheduled "maintenance" this will be the last Diary until Monday. I may have a mini Diary Friday on my message board but don't take my word for it. Have a great day and a lovely weekend. Check back on Monday to find out how things went, the first time I met Marly.

5-02-01
Congratulations to Sam Vance on his NYPD Blue performance. That was really good. He was the detective at the murder crime scene, towards the end of the show. My friend, "Chad" always told me what a good show that was but for some reason, I could never get into it. However, after watching the two shows with Sam, I can only wonder what I missed. Before I forget, I want to give a quick shout out to my Mom. What up, baby? Speaking of shouting out, last night I bought a classic metal CD - Motley Crue's Shout at the Devil. Man is that good stuff! I grew up on the Crue. When they were on the show a few years back I got to have them sign their release forms for the show. They seemed like really nice guys. They played on 53rd street and rocked Manhattan! What else did I do last night? How about the nice day we had yesterday? Another summer without air conditioning in my car - you really don't need it. I just look at it like this; sweating nonstop for three months is a natural function of the body. OH SWEET LORD, PLEASE LET ME FIND A CAR WITH A/C. If you remember from last week I told you my brother was going to start writing about his heavy metal exploits. Well, he finally wrote something, sort of:

Greetings Fellow Headbangers! George B here. Yes, it is true, I am Bob's older brother, married to a wonderful wife, we have 3 tremendous children...and I play drums in a heavy metal band. I just wanted to give you some background on myself because I have been recently hired by the staff of bobborden.com to manage the heavy metal division of this site.

Every 2 weeks I'll be responsible for giving you, the interested few, a glimpse into my world...the world of Heavy Metal! You see I'm on a mission, a mission to bring back the world's most misunderstood and forgotten art form known as Heavy Metal! In addition to my other website www.aftershok.com, bobborden.com has given me yet another forum to voice my news and views on this exciting topic.

So look forward to my first installment 2 weeks from today. I'll also be accepting story suggestions and Q & A from you...the bobborden.com family of viewers, write me at info@aftershok.com for submissions and ideas! In closing I would like to thank the entire staff and management of bobborden.com for giving me this opportunity and for showing the consideration and respect this forgotten art form deserves! See ya in 2 weeks. ROCK ON BOB!

Thanks George. I can't wait to hear about life on the road. That's it for today. Have a good one.

5-01-01
Good May to you. Get it, instead of good day, I said good May. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! OK, sorry. Watch NYPD Blue tonight! My friend, Sam Vance, has 7 lines! He also had one line last month. They must have liked him because they brought him back. I'm very excited for him. As I told you last month, he's been in LA for what seems like forever. Good for him, he stuck to his guns; he's out there, getting it done! Don't forget, Sam Vance, NYPD Blue, tonight at ten o'clock. I watched Junkyard Wars on TV last night. They made walking machines. I admire people that can do things with their hands. These people took engines out of cars, built frames and then made legs out of scraps. It's good stuff. I can barely cook a pizza without burning the place down. I'm going to put that on my to do list: Work with your hands more. I had a good day at work yesterday. Paula hasn't written a new note this week. Paula, if you're reading this, put down the smokes and writes me a note! I was going to write, "put down the smokes and write me a note" but this stupid spell check said it should be "writes" so writes it is! STUPID MACHINES!!!!! By the way, that's the name of my new CD, Stupid Machines. Have you seen High Fidelity? I love it when Bruce Springsteen does that cameo. It always catches me off guard. I was looking at Van Halen's website yesterday and Eddie is fighting cancer. His doctors say that it looks like he's beating it. Good luck to him. On the subway this morning there were two guys that were on the verge of talking to themselves. That's what years of city living does to you. You can tell what people are getting ready to crack. I could see the guy's lips moving, I'd say two more weeks and he'll be ready to speak - again, to himself. It's a crazy world. I've been carrying a book bag to work for the last five years. Here's what I have in the bag: An umbrella and some phone numbers. That's it. I should keep an umbrella at work and at home, that way I can stop carrying that stupid bag. After five long years, problem solved! I just put in some Bob Seger. That's a good way to start the day. There's nothing like a little Roll Me Away to get the blood pumping! I'm going to play, Roll Me Away to start, then bring it down with We've Got Tonight and finish off with Against The Wind. Here's my two favortie lines from that song: "Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" and "I was living to run and running to live." Ah screw it, the whole damn song is great! I love music! Have a great day. Goumas, take it easy with the painkillers! Watch NYPD Blue tonight!