bobborden.com

6-28-02

Hello Friday! I'm starting things off today with a program note: BobBorden.com is on hiatus until July 8th. I'm taking a week off to start working on a children's book. I'm not sure what it's going to be about but I do have a working title, "Why Doesn't Jimmy Have Any Toys?"

I know I was supposed to have another addition to my novel, The Wallet, today but I can't get my brain around it right now. I never sat down and walked my way through it. My apologies.

So, in lieu of fresh, new material, feel free to look around my site. Have you been to my "stuff" section in a while? I've added some information to the car section and -- just added last night, is a section called Bob meets Iggy. Highly entertaining. Have you been to the Game Room? My Bowling Game is a great time killer for those of you riding a desk all day. Do you have to buy a wedding or a birthday gift soon? Stop by the BobBorden.com Store for all your gift giving needs. Haven't been to the site in a while? Well, that's what the Diary Archives are for. Ahhhh, nothing like a little self-promotion.

Happy 4th of July from Bob
of BobBorden.com
OK, I'm really writing today's diary, yesterday. That's why I haven't talked about what I did last night because it hasn't happened yet. Even though , as you're reading this, last night already happened. Wait, does that make sense? So much for my children's book about time travel. That's it. Have a great 4th of July! I'll be back on the 8th. God Bless America.

6-27-02

It's too hot to sleep! I usually don't comment of the topical events of the day. Not because I'm not interested but because you didn't log-on to hear my rants, well, rants about other things besides myself, ha ha. That's why you watch the news. Anyway, I couldn't believe what I was reading yesterday. Pledge of Allegiance Unconstitutional! What is going on!? It's just so ignorant! I'm at a loss for words, more than a few expletives come to mind but I like to run a clean site. If my dad, God rest his soul, were alive, he would have shot out the TV. Just check out the story and if you're not worried about it, you should be.

I was walking home last night and another band was playing in Hoboken.

Bands really love to play in Hoboken!
Two nights, two different bands. You really have to ask yourself, why am I not living in Hoboken? By the time I got home, it looked liked I had just finished running a marathon. It's so humid!! Bob plus humidity equals misery. I'm not proud of this and I told this story before but once, I walked out of a bar, out on friends that I just met, without saying I was leaving, because I was too hot. That didn't go over too well, ha ha. I didn't ride my bike because I didn't want to be out in that sticky, ugly heat. So, I just watched Junkyard Wars and talked on the phone. Is that enough for a Thursday? Yes. Short and sweet. Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-26-02

I just spent the last half hour trying to adjust the contrast on a photo. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I couldn't get the photo the way I wanted it and then by accident, I erased everything. What a way to start out a diary. I got on the bike last night. You know, I'm sorry I keep writing about the bike but it's a big deal to me. I'm finally moving my body. I like riding around Hoboken spreading my message of hope and tolerance. I made it up to the 14th street pier and there was a band playing.

Bands love to play in Hoboken
I had the best seat in the house, ha ha. I think that's pretty cool. You're riding around on your bike and you come across a band playing. I didn't do much when I got home. Just watched a little TV and turned in early.

Sweet Lord, I purposely wasn't going to talk about how hot it is this week because that's what everybody talks about. But, I took one step outside today and the sweat parade began, yuk. I get on the bus and there's the sweet Air, ahhhhhh, relief. Somehow, I managed to sit in the only seat that the air doesn't reach. And to top that off, the condensation from the air is dripping on my head and clothes. I felt like the Lord was messing with me. Excuse me for a second -- Lord? Why Lord? Why was my commute so hard today and Lord, while I'm asking, why don't I have a lady? Lord? Lord!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Praying, thank you, thank you very much.

That's it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-25-02

Damn, those shoes hurt my feet yesterday but they looked good. I call that an even trade. Eventually, my ankles will heal. I got home last night and you guessed it, took out the bike. I feel a little odd saying this but, I love that bike! I watched Monster Garage again last night. Again, interesting show but it's trying to do too many things. There's no suspense because they use professional people, of course the machines are going to work! And the "challenge" at the end of the show is a joke! They have this great chopper builder, Jesse James, and he's building cars?! Why not have him and his crew build choppers!?!! That's what I want to watch! It just drives me nuts because cool shows about cars are few and far between. They don't come out with Knight Rider everyday!

Here's a photo of the three things I just
talked about, Monster Garage,
sneakers and my bike
On the bus last night, the air conditioning was almost on. I felt like I was on Safari in Africa. It was very exotic. I don't know anything new. I think that's it for today. Have a great day. God Bless America.

I've been drifting along in the same stale old shoes
Loose ends tying a noose in the back of my mind
If you thought that you were making your way
To where the puzzles and pagans lay
Put it together: It's a strange invitation

Beck

6-24-02

I'm not sure where to start? Friday night, I was on the bus back to Hoboken and I remembered that I left my camera at work! I was going to turn around but the Friday night traffic changed my mind. It's a good thing that nothing great happened to me this weekend, ha ha. Did I say nothing great? I did buy some new shoes.

Bob's new shoes
Comfortable? The jury is still out. Stylish? Guilty. I was supposed to meet up with my friend Sandi for dinner on Friday but we got our wires crossed. She thought we were meeting at 6 but I thought I said between 5 and 6? No matter, I sat in the park for a while and then walked home. I enjoyed a lovely burrito. It would have been nice to have a conversation but sometimes I feel like everything has already been said, ha ha.

Saturday, I got up late and watched a movie. I can't remember what movie, isn't that sad? After that, I took my bike out. I drove it to the bike shop to buy some new pedals. The plastic pedals that came with the bike weren't very good. I bought some metal ones. After that, I made it up to the 14th Street pier. I love it up there. I put out calls to all my friends to see what's up for Saturday night! Is it going to be another CRAZY night for Bobby? Every person I called, I got their machine. Everybody was away for the weekend. Damn. I've been here before, not a big deal. I picked up some dinner at Boston Market. Grilled chicken, a new item on the menu. I was ready to see the flames flying! The lady reached into a heated metal can, pulled out the "grilled chicken" and put it on my plate. So much for the flames. I have to say, it wasn't that bad. I put in Monster's Ball (very good, btw) and before I knew it, it was Sunday.

I got up early and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. There were more people there than I thought, that early. Then, I drove to Jersey City to go to the A & P. I came back home and took out my bike again. I watched this show called Monster Garage on Discovery. It was neat watching them make crazy vehicles out of normal cars. However, the show seems flawed. They have professionals building the cars, so the "can they build it" factor is zero. And then they have a challenge at the end. The professionals that built it vs. the professionals that use the bigger machines in real life. That part is really bad. It looks like it's staged. They're airing two more shows tonight. I'll watch it again because I'm so fascinated with these men/women that have the skill to make something out of nothing. That should be the focus of the show, the people, not the "challenge" at the end. OK, that's it for today. There are a lot of friends that owe me phone calls! Have a great day. God Bless America.

We will go
Nowhere we know
'Til we find our one and all
Hand me downs
Flypaper towns
Stuck together
One and all

Beck

6-21-02

I got home late from work last night, turned on the tube and Andy Griffith was on. He was sitting on his porch, playing his guitar to his lady, Helen. That's what I want! A porch, a lady and the ability to play the guitar. I'm not asking for a lot, right? Excuse me for a second, Lord? Why don't I have a porch, a lady and the ability to play the guitar? What's my purpose Lord? Why am I here? Lord? Lord! LORD!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'm back. Thanks.

BobBorden.com was all a buzz yesterday with the No Contest Contest. As you'll recall from Thursday's diary, I gave you, yes you, the chance to win the modern classic, Stargate. The message board was overloaded with activity! Thank you for entering! Without further adieu, I love saying that -- without further adieu, the results of the No Contest Contest. With me is my lovely assistant, Pam. Say hello to the nice readers Pam, "Hi." Thanks Pam. OK, here we go!

Pam mixes up the entries
and the winner is:

Carl
In my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd be saying, "And the winner is Carl." Ha ha. Congratulations Carl!! Send your address to BobBorden@BobBorden.com and soon, you and yours will be entertained by the best film that Hollywood had to offer us, one week in 1998. Special thanks to Pam for helping me through the crazy day.

If you'll recall last Thursday's diary, I had a nice run in with a stranger (a woman) on the bus. I was hoping against hope that lightening would strike twice but no dice. Life's a bitch sometimes. I did do a good deed last night. We were boarding the bus and I saw a guy get off and start looking through his bag. He was looking for a dime. I said to myself, help a brother out and I gave him a dime. How cool am I? OK, I have to be honest, I really did that good deed because there was a pretty woman in front of me and I wanted to look good. We (men) truly are stupid.

I'm a little tired today. I've been up since 7:30 checking out all that great World Cup Action. My man in Korea, Nigel Williams filed this report.

Nigel here, the United States team lost to
Germany, 1 - 0.

Thanks Nigel. I don't know about you but that Nigel guy gave me the creeps. I hated to see the U.S. lose but I'm glad to get Nigel off the BobBorden.com payroll.

Sometimes, I turn on Sundance Channel or Independent Film Channel and I just feel like throwing my TV out the window! Lord knows I'm all for art but it just seems like they'll play any piece of crap that comes down the line. This diary is getting more like Larry King's column everyday. OK, I'm not going to add more to my novel today because I've had such a hectic week, I didn't have the time to craft it properly. I'm shooting for next Friday. That is it. Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

6-20-02

So, I get home last night after a long, long day at work. I get my mail and after almost 7 years of living in New Jersey, I was called to Jury Duty.

Bob got the call
I had planned on riding my bike but I never served on a jury before and I was a little freaked out. I calmed down after reading the fine print. I'll do it, I have to do it, it's my civic duty at least that's what the card says.

I have something exciting for you today! BobBorden.com has teamed up with the film Stargate for an exciting new BobBorden.com contest. It's called the "No Contest Contest." Here's how it works -- Just write to me on my message board today and say, "I'd like to win the No Contest Contest" and you'll be in the running for the 1998 space/military/Egyptian romp, Stargate -- on DVD no less!

You could win this!
After three months of negotiations, we were only able to get one copy of the film. Not a lot of people can win but remember, you have to be in it to win it. ENTER NOW!

I watched the Larry Sanders Show and Junkyard Wars last night. I also talked on the phone. I hate to cut it short today but I have another long day in front of me and that jury thing threw me for a loop. I'll have more tomorrow. That's it! God Bless America.

6-19-02

Hello. It's great to be alive. I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about me riding my bike. I'm sorry but that's my new thing. Instead of sitting on my large butt, eating chips all night -- I get on my bike and ride. I ride like the wind! Last night, I was reminded of the Bob Seger song, Against the Wind. Because when I was riding, at one point the wind was blowing right in my face. For the first time I think I truly understood what Bob was talking about. Put simply, riding against the wind is a bitch! Ha ha.

Oh man. What's new? Not much. You know what I love at the end of a long day? Watching the Andy Griffith show. It puts my mind at ease and calms my restless soul. Hey, did you get the new Wilco CD yet? That's all I'm listening to right now. They sure can craft a good song.

I just put this random photo
here to take up space.
It really means nothing.
OK, everyday for the past few weeks I've had reports on all the World Cup Soccer action. Well, today's no exception. Without further adieu, my man in South Korea, take it away Nigel Williams --

Thanks Bob! I can't put into words the excitement in the air. The 4th of July came early this year for many Americans -- sparks flew between the United States and Mexico as the U.S. squashed Mexico, 2 - 0. I'm reporting from Ulsan, the site of Friday's match up between the United States and Germany. The U.S. has its work cut out for them, Germany, three-time World Cup champions are young, hungry and familiar with the smell of victory. I almost had a chance to speak to the U.S. team but BobBorden.com is about as important to them as soccer is to Americans. Sorry Bob. This is Nigel Williams, reporting from the World Cup, in South Korea. Back to you Bob.

Thanks Nigel, we look forward to your next installment. I, like the rest of America will be glued to my TV at 7:30 am on Friday to check out that sweet World Cup action!

I forgot to talk about something from yesterday. I was walking through the Port Authority. I saw a guy looking into one of those small mirrors that they have on sunglass display stands. He wasn't trying on sunglasses, he was combing out his mustache. When did people start losing their minds?

OK, that's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-18-02

Hello. Tom Cruise was on the Late Show last night. I bring this up because I could hear the fans and the photographers screaming his name from the street. And I'm 14 floors up! I bet his life is so crazy. Anyway, let me tell you this -- even from 14 floors up, he's still sexy. Can I get an Amen from the ladies? "Amen!" Thank you.

I rushed home last night, got on my bike and took off. I love that bike! I'm always in motion. Slow or fast. I like going slow over curbs because it gives me some resistance. I need to find a path away from the city. I want to go and go -- not stop, go, stop, go.

While I was out, I called up my webmaster/friend, Walter and we finally got the chance to do his experiment in stupidity. I talked about this last week. He's on the NY side of the Hudson and I'm on the NJ side. Using cell phones, street savvy and camera flashes we each try and locate each other. I was doubtful that we'd be able to find each other. Walter calls me and tells me to describe what's behind me. I tell him and I flash my camera -- he sees me!

Walter's view of Bob from the New York side of the Hudson River.

That's a rough Idea of where I was. It's hard to zero in with a point and shoot camera. And here's my view of Walter.

Bob's view of Walter from the New Jersey side of the Hudson River.
Pretty cool, right? Hello? Well, I thought it was exciting. OK, we're idiots! Happy?! For our next experiment we're going to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge -- just to see who hits first.

I got my credit card bill yesterday. Damn, Priceline.com and buying the bike really snuck up on me. Oh well. OK, I think that's enough for a Tuesday. If you just joined BobBorden.com, don't forget to check out yesterday's and all my previous diaries. Yesterday alone -- I changed a tire, bought a tire for $20 and was called an Asshole by a police officer. And you thought my life was boring, HA! That's it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-17-02

Ah the weekend. We look forward to it all week long and before we know it, it's gone -- memoires, simple memories. Friday night, I just watched TV. It was raining so I couldn't ride my bike. I don't even remember what I watched. I did enjoy a burrito for dinner. I got to use Joe Perry's hot sauce. Yes, that Joe Perry -- from Aerosmith. The man plays a mean guitar and makes a mean sauce.

Joe Perry's hot sauce
Saturday, I woke up at 12. It was a cold, gloomy day. I watched The Cable Guy on TV -- that pretty much set the tone for the day. I can't remember what I watched next, some B grade flick. I thought about going out and getting a haircut, then I thought about my electric razor. I ended up cutting my own hair. I didn't do such a bad job. I have to throw that razor away, it's too tempting. Getting your haircut is really something to be left to the professionals. I had a few close calls. I left my apartment once to buy dinner. I stayed to myself too long because when I left my apartment, I was freaked out by all the people. I got back to my apartment and that was that.

Sunday, I woke up early and took my laundry to Nutley. It was a beautiful day yesterday. I couldn't wait to get back to Hoboken and finally ride my bike. I get back, park my car and turn off my engine. Huh, that's funny, it sounds like someone's using a garden hose. I look around, no hose. I open my door and the sound I hear is air leaking from my tire. I ran over a screw! Damn! I took off quick so I could get to a garage before all the air is gone. Halfway there, it's gone. I roll under an overpass. Just it time because it started pouring! I never had to change a tire before. It wasn't that hard. I got that little spare on and made it to the garage. The side-wall is ripped, you can't plug that, I needed a new tire. The guy said he has a same size tire (slightly used) and he'll give it to me for $20. $20 payable to him, not to the shop. Cool, I thought to myself, an under the table deal. It's so unBob like. I made the deal and off I went.

I got back to Hoboken and was looking for a parking spot. I was driving down the street, I have the right of way and this police car is creeping into the street. He ends up in the middle of the intersection. He's not going, he doesn't have his lights or siren on. So, I keep going. As I drive by I heard him call me an Asshole, ha ha! Can you believe that?! I thought of giving him a hand gesture like, "what did I do?" -- then I came to my senses and slowly kept driving. I'm so supportive of the men in blue -- what a jerk! I circled the block and he was just cruising around. I parked in the exact same spot where I got the flat, I figured it was safe now, ha ha. As I was putting The Club on my car, I thought to myself, maybe I am an asshole?

Sunday night, I met up with my friend Alex and I finally got to take my bike out. Whew! What a long day.

One of the great things about having a website is the people. I've heard from some great folks over the years, from all walks of life, from Germany to Australia. Last week a guy wrote to me on my message board. The cool part about this guy isn't where he's from but who he is. His name is Bob Borden. He calls himself The Real Bob Borden, ha ha.

"The Real" Bob Borden
He's a true Bob, that's what it says on his birth certificate. I'm really a Robert but I've never gone by that. Anyway, welcome, Bob Borden! Tell your friends about BobBorden.com, wow, that's confusing!

That's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Mom, don't worry, the tire is a name brand and has plenty of tread. It's all good.

6-14-02

I was on the bus last night around 9. It was standing room only and I was one of the people standing. About halfway through the ride, this guy behind me takes out his cell phone and makes a call. He called someone from his office about a press release. He was a very loud man. I'm not going to repeat every word the guy said but in one phone call here are some of the things he was talking about: Nelly, Madison Square Garden, Grammy Awards, Kodak Theater, Conan, Kilborn, Paul McCartney and on and on. Halfway through his name dropping, this girl turns around, looks at the guy in disbelief and I looked at the girl and said, "I don't believe anything this guy is saying." She laughed and said, "What ever happened to calling someone and saying you'll be home in a few minutes?" -- That guy was such a load. His call was so important, that it could only take place on the bus!? Ha ha. But I'm not writing this story because of the guy, I'm writing it because of the girl. She was nice, I made her laugh, she made me laugh and I didn't do anything! I should have asked her to get a drink or given her my card or something -- right? -- I don't know!? I can't close the deal and I'm so pissed at myself! We had another small exchange and said good-bye to each other when she got off the bus. You never see anybody twice in this town, never. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm not acting.

OK, I said I was going to write more of my novel for today and that's exactly what I did. Without further adieu --

"The Wallet"

You wouldn't know it to look at me but I'm a nonconformist. OK, I voted Republican in the last three elections, I don't carry credit card debt and I'm always early for work. I consider myself a rebel for one reason; I carry my wallet in my back pocket. I know, It's been preached to me for years, "Keep your wallet in your front pocket, pick pockets are everywhere." Especially in this city! It seems like such a small detail but It makes me different. I walk a little taller knowing that I'm going against the grain on this one.

I was sitting on the Subway, making the always horrible commute home. The dregs of humanity they let through the gates is amazing. Just the smell alone is enough to curl your toes. I was on the local so we were making all the stops, lucky me. The Subway stopped at the 42nd street station and a woman got on. She looked to be about 44, she's seen better days. She was clearly drunk as she stumbled over and of course, sat next to me. The air was thick with Vodka and Orange Juice as she mumbled this, "Paul Theroux is my favorite author." "What?", I said. Her tone became louder and more irritated. "I SAID, PAUL THEROUX is my favorite author! I can spot a book worm a mile away and you'd like his work." Everybody's looking at her. I have one rule when dealing with unstable people in enclosed spaces, agree with everything.

We were approaching the 14th Street station, my stop. In the middle of agreeing with her ramblings I had to cut her short and say, "OK, this is my stop, good luck." As I quickly got up, she shoved this Paul Theroux book in my hands and in a calm, almost sober voice simply said, "Take this."

I walked out the door, the doors closed. I touched my back pocket (a nervous habit of mine) and my wallet was gone. The train started moving and I ran to the window and saw my wallet on the seat. It wasn't pick pockets, in my attempts to squirm away from this woman, It must have fallen out. The train wouldn't stop. "F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I ran to the token booth to tell my dilemma to the token booth person. I'm thinking maybe they can call ahead to the next stop and help me out. Living in the city for the past 15 years I instantly recognized the glazed over eyes with that all too familiar expression, "what do you want me to do about it?" Silly me, I forgot that people don't care anymore. I ran above ground, hailed a cab, quickly explained what I'm trying to do and told him to take me to the Spring Street station, two subway stops ahead. This was my kind of cab ride. He was dodging cars and pedestrians like a professional race car driver.

The wheels screeched to a halt, I leaped out, ran down the stairs, jumped over the turn stall just in time to see the lights of the E train -- leaving the station, Damn! I had everything in that wallet. I gave my last five bucks to the cabbie, it looks like I'm walking back to 14th Street. After calling my bank and the credit card companies I took a shower to tried to wash the day away.

Halfway through the shower I remembered what the woman on the subway said to me, "PAUL THEROUX is my favorite author!" And that just clicked in my head! The book! I poured myself a drink and brought the book over to my chair. Hotel Honolulu, by Paul Theroux. I do a quick skim of the book and it was underlined and circled throughout. The circled words were checked, almost like she was looking them up. The underlined sentences looked to have no significance at all.

I turned the pages until I got to the end. I pulled back the book jacket and there, in the bottom right hand corner, written in pencil: Dawn Manning, 718-555-2649. Is this the girl from the subway? It's a Brooklyn number and the E does end up in Brooklyn. Still, I don't need the wallet anymore, I canceled all my cards. And who's to say that she even has it? Do I really want to make contact with this woman? Friday night, no girlfriend, zero messages on my machine. I picked up the phone and started dialing.

1-718-555-264, I hung up the phone before I could dial the last number. What am I doing?! This isn't me, I'm a 32 year-old assistant with aspirations of reaching the upper echelon of middle management, I'm not Jim Rockford. "I got a lead on that Johnson case!" That doesn't even sound right coming from me! I'm going to flip a coin. Heads, I call the number, tails, I watch Magnum P. I. and go to bed. OK, here it goes --

The woman I talked to was named Dawn but she sure didn't sound like the woman on the subway. We talked for about a half hour. Oh my, what a sexy voice! She had that low, smoky voice thing going on. I'm not sure if I was working her or if she was working me. We agreed to meet at a diner in Brooklyn. The last thing she said to me was, "Don't forget to bring the book."

She was waiting for me when I got there. This definitely wasn't the girl I ran into on the subway. Dawn was a vision. She seemed a little anxious but overall, I'd say I did pretty good. I'm going to ask her out. How about that, I lose my wallet, return a book and meet a lovely woman. This kind of stuff never happens to me. I walked her home.

I gave her the book, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and handed me a piece of paper. She looked right into my eyes and said in a very stern voice, "Call me." Holy crap, this is so cool! I was halfway down the block when I looked at her phone number and I heard, "Pop, pop." It sounded like a car backfiring. I didn't think much of it. I turned the note over and it read, "HELP US!"

I turned around and saw a man and a woman ride away one of those super fast motorcycles. The rubber and the pavement made a deafening screech! I looked at the woman on the back of the motorcycle and she was clutching the book! What?! I ran back to her house and knocked on her door. Nothing. I ran to the back of the house and the door was wide open.

Man, this is the kind of stuff you see in movies. I'm going to call the police, I'm in way over my head. The guy in the movies always goes in, never calls the cops and then he dies. I don't want to die. I'm calling the cops. But what if she's hurt, I could be wasting valuable time. Screw it, I'm going in.

I walked through the kitchen. The windows are covered with tinfoil, fast food wrappers are everywhere and damn, there she is, Oh my God, oh my God, they killed her. One shot to the head and it looks like one to the chest. Blood everywhere. I'm definitely calling the cops, F**K THIS!

I can't believe it, I finally meet someone cool and she's dead. I pull out my cell phone and start dialing, nine, one -- At that very second I hear behind me, "Drop the phone mother f**ker!" Oh man, this can't be good. I drop the phone. "Turn around!" I turn around and I'm face to face with a . 38 caliber gun. This guy looked like he was in a major fight. More like he was beaten up. And his right shoulder is blood soaked. I can't tell if it's his blood or hers. "WHO ARE YOU, WHY ARE YOU HERE?" he said. "Dude, it's cool, I --" He interrupted, "It's not F**KING COOL, IT'S NOT F**KING COOL!" "I'm sorry, you're right, I just returned a book to Dawn and I came back to see what that noise was. I saw two people on a motorcycle leave here like a bat out of hell. Did you kill Dawn?" I said. "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, DO YOU REALLY THINK I COULD KILL HER?" He dropped the gun and fell to his knees. "She was my wife."

About the Author. BOB BORDEN grew up in Steubenville, Ohio. This is his first novel. He currently lives in Hoboken, New Jersey with two cats.
----Oooooo, I'm going to leave it there for this week. That's it! Have a great day and a great weekend. God Bless America.

6-13-02

Hello. I didn't ride my bike last night. The streets were wet from rain and the humidity was not good. It's probably good to have a night off. I'll make up for it this weekend when I ride my bike across America, ha ha. My friend and webmaster, Walter, came up with the stupidest idea yesterday. We ride our bikes to the river, use our cell phones and try to see each other. I'm on the NJ side of the river and he's on the NY side. We take photos when we find each other. Here's the stupid part, I agreed to do it. I'm not sure why but it sounds interesting. We were going to do it last night but again, it wasn't the best night. We'd probably have to set off a flares to see each other. Sweet Lord I need a girlfriend!

I didn't do anything last night. Just skipped around the tube. I didn't take any photos of that excitement. So, I looked into my photo archives and I came up this:

Old photo that has nothing to do with today's diary
It's a cat toy. It belongs to Evelyn. Every now and then It will pop up on my pillow. A little chilly this morning. Everybody is wearing long sleeves and jackets, I'm wearing shorts and a short sleeved shirt. Oh well. OK, have you figured it out yet? I don't have anything today. So, I'm going to cut it short and try and work on my novel for tomorrow. A few housekeeping notes -- The message board now has the most recent posts at the top. Walter fixed that the other day. And in my "Stuff" section, if you click on "my car" and scroll down, I've added "The History of Bob's Automobiles." Enjoy.

That's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-12-02

First up today, I have to get something off my chest. I couldn't say anything about it yesterday because Paul asked me to keep a lid on it. However, I guess the whole world knows about it now -- Thank you very much CNN!!!! Congratulations to my friends, Paul McCartney and former model Heather Mills. All my best, see you in July. That was a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it, Bob's Delusional Hollywood Report. I hope you enjoyed it.

I'm four for four, I took the bike out again last night. It was crazy humid yesterday and I was on the fence about going out. I got home and I said to myself, take an hour for Bob. I made my way up to the 14th Street pier again. I know, I make the same trip all the time but Hoboken is only 1 square mile, my options are limited. I like standing by the river, it calms me. I made my way downtown and I took this blurry photo of a Frank Sinatra impersonator.

The sweet sounds of "Frank"
He was really good. If you're asking yourself, why Frank? Frank Sinatra was born in Hoboken, I think that's common knowledge. I'm from Steubenville, Ohio -- the home of Dean Martin. I'm trying to live in all the hometowns of the Rat Pack, ha ha. I'll probably move to Sammy Davis' hometown next. I don't even know where that is?

I'm starting to discover that there's a whole other world out there. After work, people are playing baseball, enjoying the sights, taking in a show. It's weird, I thought people just went home. Here's my biggest discovery: Attractive women like to exercise. Sweet Georgia Brown! Sorry, I'll turn off the pervert switch.

Also, last night, I had a nice little moment with a nice girl. She found a very friendly cat and I stopped to see --, well, I just stopped to see, ha ha. The cat didn't have a collar, we exchanged a few nice words and that was that. But for me, that was like a date, ha ha! Oh, I make myself laugh.

Crazy humid again today. I heard it was going to rain. Traffic and Sports at the top of the hour. OK, that's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-11-02

Hello. I had a good day at work yesterday. Busy doing this and that. OK, I was busy passing out memos, I pass out a lot of memos. Ha ha. Beautiful day yesterday. I had it in the back of my mind that I'd go for a bike ride when I got back to Hoboken last night. I kind of made it a goal. I got home and actually did it. I was out on my bike for about an hour. It makes me feel good. I thought TV and eating were good things but it turns out they're bad. Strike that, eating is bad -- TV is still good! I made it up to the 14th street pier again. I wanted to take a self portrait of myself to celebrate my new attitude towards moving my body. I waited until there was no one around and hit the self timer. Just as it was about to take the photo, two hot girls jogged by. There I am, smiling like an idiot, by myself, standing in front of my bike! I got home and this is the picture I took.

Bob's self portrait
What a travesty of errors! Sweet Lord, there's a reason why I'm single and I think you just gave me the first clue. Right Lord? Right? Lord? LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Praying, thank you, thank you very much. I'd like to ride my bike early in the morning like 5 am. Maybe that's something to do just once or twice a week. That's still in the thinking/planning stage. 5 am is awful early.

I walked from the bus station to work today. I got into the bad habit of taking the subway again. After being stuck in the tunnel for 45 minutes, the last thing I want to do is prolong my commute. However, I enjoyed walking, 8th avenue is lovely this time of year, ha ha. I stopped off at the old A & P and bought some OJ and a frozen lunch. The bill: $6.88 -- The bill after I presented my Bonus Club Card: $4.23! For a frozen meal and 64 OZ of OJ. I'm robbing them!

Speaking of savings, I did the Priceline.com thing last night. After looking at other websites, I just said to myself, what do you have to lose? So, I entered the lowest possible price they'd let me enter and I got my tickets! I couldn't believe it! Very exciting. OK, that's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-10-02

Hello. I had a good weekend. It all started Friday night. I was on the bus driving down Washington Street in Hoboken and we drove by the bike shop. I said to myself, I'm going to buy a bike this weekend, I might as well buy one now. I got off at the next stop. I looked around for about 20 minutes and made my decision. I had my eye on a nice hybrid bike, part mountain bike, part road bike. The bike guy informed me that I can't get that bike because I was too big, I'd bend the rims, he said. I'm happy that the guy is honest with me but at the same time, damn, I'd break the bike? Oh well. He tells me I need a mountain bike but he doesn't have one in my size, come back tomorrow. I came back on Saturday and bought a bike. If you're ever in Hoboken, I highly recommend, Flo On Wheels. They didn't try and sell me something just to make a sale. I took my bike for a test ride and it had a kink in the chain that was causing the gears to not shift so smoothly. They fixed the chain and I was on my way. I like good service. I made my way to the 14th street pier. I've never been there before.

Bob's new bike, the Fuji Odessa
I rode around there for a long time. When I got tired I sat down on a bench and watched the people, the boats and made some phone calls. Very relaxing. I was sitting on a bench on the pier and a mother pushing her baby in a stroller walked by. I don't have a picture of it but that baby was giving me the skunk eye! I was still sitting there when the baby came back, still with the skunk eye! I even waved to the kid, nothing. I was looking at the boats docked in the marina and couldn't help wanting to be out on the water.

If you own a boat in Hoboken or know
someone that owns a boat in Hoboken,
drop me a line, I'd like to go out on the water
It looked like so much fun to be out there riding the "waves." I was thinking, man, I need a boat now -- and a million dollars, ha ha. I made my way downtown and then went home. I'm very happy with my purchase.

I got home and felt really good. What was this strange feeling, exercise? I didn't realize it at the time but I did more in 3 hours than I did in 3 years. Sad but true. I also got a lot of sun. I had a few hours to kill before dinner so I took my laundry with to the laundry mat. There was hardly anyone in there. I sat down on one of their big comfortable chairs and watched as my clothes made the transformation from dirty to clean.

After that I met up with my friend Tiffany for dinner. We went to this place that I picked out. It wasn't so great, the waiter was not good and the host was singing like a babbling idiot. He really got on my nerves. Horrible. We walked around and called it a night.

Sunday, I woke up and went to the A & P. I needed the staples: ketchup, mustard, salad dressing and light bulbs. All that stuff adds up! After that I took my bike out again. I love my bike! I went back to the 14th Street pier and rode everywhere. I even ran into some kid selling lemonade. I was so thirsty, I forgot to ask if I could take the kid's picture and I forgot to give the kid a tip. What's 15% of 25 cents, ha ha. I got home, cooked up a steak, watched some TV and called it a night. That's all I got! Have a great day. God Bless America.

I LOVE MY BIKE!!!!

6-7-02

Hello. Every Friday for the past few weeks I've been working on my novel, The Wallet. I had every intention on continuing that tradition today but sometimes fact is better that fiction. I got off the bus in Hoboken last night. Pouring rain, it was quite the downpour. The kind of rain where you take a few steps and you're drenched. I put up the old umbrella and started walking to the store.

Halfway there, I looked down and I'm not joking, I see a wallet. I have to be honest, because of the rain and because I had a long day at work, my first thought was to keep walking. Then I thought, come on, help a brother out. I picked up the wallet and walked to the store.

photo is only a dramatization
I was going to the store because I wanted to buy GLAD garbage bags. I put my back pack in the garbage bag to keep it dry. That helpful hint you can only find on BobBorden.com, tell your friends. Back to the story -- I'm still in the store and I look in the wallet real quick to see if there's a number. No number. I walked outside and looked up the block to see if there was anybody searching the ground for their wallet. Nothing.

I got home and started looking for a number. There was some out of state numbers but they didn't look current. He had everything in there, credit cards, money, memberships and a driver's license. I was just going to mail it to the address on the license but then I thought, what if he's on a business trip? I did a Yahoo! phone number search using the address and I got a number. The first name was different so I was thinking it was his parent's house. I didn't want to call his parent's house because I didn't want to freak them out. On the other hand, a guy needs his wallet.

I called and talked to his mother. The guy, Michael, has a cell phone and she gave me his number. She sounded like a really nice lady. Michael was glad I found it and we met halfway from my house and from where he was at.

Bob Borden, Good Samaritan
I told him no problem and to check out my website because I sure as hell am going to write about this! Ha ha. He was a nice guy. I felt pretty good last night! How's that for a story!?

It's still raining this morning! I had French toast for breakfast, mmmmmmm. Comfort food. I'm walking behind this guy in the subway. He looks like your average businessman. He's wearing two shoulder bags. They're on top of each other and stick out a bit. Some other guy was running past us and ran into his bags and kept on running. The businessman, looked at his bags, turned around and said, "Asshole!" I thought it was funny because the guy was long gone, he was in a real hurry. I'm going to break this down for you. The guy who ran into the bags was wrong and at the very least should have said excuse me. However, the businessman was carrying a big load and wasn't paying attention. My point is this and feel free to quote me -- Two wrongs don't make a right. That doesn't make any sense, right? Oh well, at least I got to say Asshole. Ha ha. I'm going to add more to my novel this weekend. Just think, next Friday it will be twice as long. That's it for Friday! Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

6-6-02

If you've been following the calendar like I have, you'll know that today is Thursday. Everybody, "Hello Thursday." I need help. I don't know what to talk about today. My social life is zero right now. Right now?! Oh, I make myself laugh. People just aren't returning my calls, ha ha. I got home last night and watched Junkyard Wars, that's a good show. "YAWN!" OK, I know I always seem to go home and watch something, cut me some slack!

I'm going to do something exciting this weekend so I'll have something to talk about on Monday. I'm not sure what that exciting thing will be but it will start with me leaving my apartment, ha ha. I'm in a rut right now. I don't even have any good photos today! I was so desperate last night that I took a photo of my tool box.

Bob's toolbox because he doesn't have
anything better for today. You suck Bob!
Wow, the caption guy is a little tough on me today. Relax dude. I, somehow, was going to talk about the contents of my toolbox. Talk about not having anything to talk about! That toolbox is really a fishing tackle box. I never used it for fishing. I used it for a painting class I took in college. I should take up painting again. I'm going to paint something right now -- using nothing but ordinary household ketchup and mustard.

Bob's Ketchup and Mustard painting
OK, that may seem a little strange and it may even be odd that I'd do that. However, I just sent that photo to a friend of mine that owns a gallery and it just sold for $2000. Who's crazy now? WHO'S CRAZY NOW!!? I'm in your face and I'm not going anywhere! I like the condiment "painting." Hmmmmmm. I think an idea was born. That's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

(Reminder to self, buy more Ketchup and Mustard tonight.)

6-05-02

Hello! Sweet, sweet Wednesday! The weekend is close. I have to say I'm working for the weekend at this point. I still don't know what that means. Yesterday I talked about watching Evel Knievel's Spectacular Jumps DVD. Halfway through the day my friend Walter sent me an article about Evel making a comeback. How's that for a coincidence?! It reminds me of a famous speech from the movie Repo Man:

"Say you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone says plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Out of the blue. No use looking for one either. It's part of the lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything."

That film is a classic! Anyway, let's get back to Evel. Wow, he's 63 and thinking about making his longest jump ever. You have to give the guy credit for wanting to come back. You also have to give him credit for just how big he was back in the 70's. The man filled stadiums, people came just to see him jump. Crazy! I'd pay to see him jump again.

Another busy day at work yesterday. I like being busy. OK, I don't have a lot to talk about today. I haven't been very social in a while. You ever get in the mood where you just want to be by yourself? My mood has lasted 32 years so far. Ha ha.

I tell you what, nothing fills up a web page like a random photo I found on the Internet. Here's some fun loving kids enjoying America's favorite pastime:

Random photo of the day
OK, I'm going to end it there for today. As I promised yesterday, here's the Steubenville Community Calendar: Congratulations to frequent contributor to my message board, Zach. Zach graduates high school today. Good luck brother, it's a jungle out there.
Also, June 7th is Dean Martin Day in Steubenville. If you happen to be in town, stop by and enjoy the festivities. Checkout www.deanmartinsteubenville.com for more information. And that's today's Steubenville Community Calendar for June 5th, 2002. That's it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

6-04-02

Hello Tuesday! Man it was a long one yesterday. First day back, a lot of new things to attend to. Everything worked out great, it always does. I wasn't kidding yesterday, I'm really serious about getting a bike. Right now I'm thinking about what kind of bike suits me. I'm thinking a Beach Cruiser. 3 speeds, tops. My last bike was a mountain bike with the knobby tires and 18 gears, that's all great if you're riding on a mountain but I need tread for a more urban setting.

I just read that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are coming out with a new CD in July. On the drive to and from Ohio, I listened to Freaky Styley and Mother's Milk. That's some good stuff! Flea can slap a mean bass. They were funky back in the day. At one point I even joined their fan club. Ha ha, that reminds me, I also belonged to the Jackyl fan club! Fan clubs are the biggest rip offs! You get an ID card that's as valuable as lint, an "autographed" photo and a guitar pick. All for the low, annual fee of $25. That reminds me, I'll be announcing plans for a BobBorden.com fan club, later this week. Damn!

I was riding the bus home last night and I started thinking about my diary. I wanted to take more photos of Ohio but I got lazy. I feel like I let myself down and more importantly, I feel like I let you down. Then it hit me! I'll just show my webmaster's vacation photos! Walter went back to his motherland, San Francisco, to catch up with family and friends. OK, without further adieu, Walter's vacation photos:

Chang, Berma, and Wally at Pac Bell Park
in San Francisco

Taking in the sights on Highway 1

"Sally" on the Strip in Vegas
That was cool! It sure looks like they had a great time! Just to recap my vacation, I cleaned out the attic. Oh Sweet Lord, is this it for me? Cleaning out the family attic, alone? Why Lord, why? WHY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Praying, thank you, thank you very much.

I watched a great DVD last night -- Evil Knievel's Spectacular Jumps. That dude was off his rocker! Now, I want a motorcycle, ramps and 27 buses. That's what I should be, a stuntman! It's all clear now. I'm going to go back to college to get my Graduate degree in doing cool stunts. I wasn't going to write about what I watched on TV last night but when something's good, it's good. BobBorden.com is credited for breaking the Ozzy show and I'm getting ready to make some more people famous. I'm talking about Spy TV. It was really funny/clever. And the ladies, oh the ladies! (I live alone with two cats.) It's on again tonight at 8. That's it! God Bless America. Tune in tomorrow for my annual "Bob rates the best beaches" feature. Don't hit the shore without it!

6-03-02

I'm back! Man did I need a vacation. "Paris is lovely this time of year." I heard that while watching TV in Steubenville, OH -- I went back to the motherland, as usual. I had a good time. Hung out with my Mom, played with the nephews / niece and just relaxed. I rode around with the nephews on bicycles. I need to get a bike, that's good exercise. I sold my old bike to my webmaster Walter. That will be my weekend project. I went to a garage sale yesterday and they had a bike for sale -- $175! How is that a sale? I can get a new one for less. I just want something basic, the less gears, the better.

Anyway, back to my trip. I spent a couple of nights cleaning out the attic. I found my first teddy bear!

Bob's first teddy bear
Ah memoires, to be honest, I don't remember this bear at all. I think this bear was in the crib with me, he/she doesn't even have a name. It was nice to go through all my old things.

I finally saw Star Wars. I have to say, I really liked it. There are some parts that seem like they were written by a 14 year old but I give George Lucas credit, he made me, the casual fan, wanting more. And Yoda kicked butt! I was going to check out Spider-man again but never made it.

Well, I know I should have more after a week off but my mind is blank right now. I have to get back into the swing of things. Last night, the power went off for about an hour. I made a vow, right then and there, to never be without a battery powered TV again! Those were some painful minutes. OK, that's it! I leave you with a self portrait, I call it, Bob driving to Hoboken with cats. Have a good day. God Bless America.

Bob driving to Hoboken with cats

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