bobborden.com

01-31-03
The best e-mail subject line I received yesterday was this: "Alert - Your ship just came in!" Ha, ha -- well thank God! I didn't realize my ship was out? -- Stupid people, selling stupid things. Two things I'll never understand, unsolicited phone calls and unsolicited mail. Does anyone do business that way? If I want something, I'll call you!

And now for a new segment to BobBorden.com. I call it: BobBorden.com's Worst Photo of the Week -- here we go:

Worst Photo of
the Week
That was BobBorden.com's Worst Photo of the Week - thank you, thank you very much.

I had an enjoyable evening last night. I got off the bus and walked into the toy store. How can you not have an enjoyable night at that point - am I right people?! Anyway, the only thing that sparked my interest was a George W. Bush doll. I thought it was pretty funny. But alas, I need to watch my money as I may go gambling this weekend. And I have to play the lotto tonight; it's up to 77 million. You have to be in it to win it! After the toy store, I walked next door to the video store and played a game of Ms. Pac-Man. They raised the price to 50 cents! What the hell? I played one game and left. I got home, had some dinner and listened to music.

Weekend plans besides the aforementioned gambling you ask? None really -- I may go for a walk. The temperature is on the rise in the east, I should get out there, meet people and do stuff.

Someone should tell the people that show movies on cable that "friggin'" is not a great substitute for the "F" word.

I'm going to end today's diary with yet another new segment. I call it: BobBorden.com's Message to Mom. Here we go: Mom, Lucas' birthday gift has shipped and will definitely get there before his birthday. It's coming to your house, so look out for it. That was BobBorden.com's Message to Mom - thank you, thank you very much.

That's it!

God Bless America.

Parting thought: People with dyslexia may think that today is Friday the 13th.

01-30-03
I was reading over a guy's shoulder on the bus last night. The story seemed to be about how out of control our eating habits are, the big portions, the tasty food and how hard it is to lose weight. Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to sugar. It's just so pleasing to me to enjoy some ice cream or a candy bar. I have to cut this junk from my system. I'm stronger than my urges, right? The article reminded me that I need to do something about my situation, soon. I don't want diabetes. I like reading over people's shoulders, that's how I learn, ha ha. Hey, all this talk about food reminds me about a new product I highly recommend:

Bob enjoys this
on steak
Chef Paul Prudhomme's Meat Magic -- this stuff is really good. It gives a little zip to my meat. Just thought I'd mention that.

I played some video games and listened to music again last night. I'm enjoying getting out earlier this week. I feel like a normal Joe, working 9 to 5, punching the time clock and all that. It was in the 30's yesterday, after weeks of it being in the teens, it felt like shorts weather. Very nice. I like those Toyota Echo cars. They're econo-boxes but the speedometer is in the center of the dash. I saw one driving into the tunnel. I like cars. I'm going to build my own someday. A nice little hot rod. Something to keep me busy while my wife is making my dinner and taking care of the kids, ha ha.

That's it!

I leave you today with a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it: BobBorden.com's Community Calendar -- here we go -- Tomorrow is Friday. That's all for
BobBorden.com's Community Calendar.

God Bless America.

01-29-03
I'm in a great mood right now. Let me tell you about the evening I had last night. First off, we're not taping shows this week so we got out early yesterday. That's good and bad - good for obvious reasons, bad because everyone else gets out at that time too. I didn't let it get to me, I'm just not used to it.

I took the Path train home and walked by my friend Tiffany's office. She just changed careers. Anyway, I called her on the cell and told her to look out her window - at that moment, I walked by, I hate to laugh at my own stupidity but I thought it was pretty funny.

From there, I walked to the record store. I bought Midnight Oil's greatest hits (used) for $4.99 -- score! It's sooooo good! Next, I walked to the cigar store to play the lotto; it was up to 66 million last night. If I said it once, I said it 100 times, You Have To Be In It To Win It! I ran into Tiffany walking home at that time and told her about the lottery, she played. Here's what kind of a nice guy I am; I hope she wins.

The State of the Union Address was last night and what was I doing? Playing video games. If it helps any, I was playing a game that has a war tie in - anything? I'll read the speech in the paper today. OK, I'll have someone read it to me, ha ha.

Don't just sit there --
tell your friends about
bobborden.com!
What else? I played a little air guitar, watched some tube and played some more video games. Life, at least last night, is good.

That's it! Have a great day.

God Bless America.

01-28-03
In case you're wondering, it's still cold in the East. I was thinking about seeing a movie last night but decided to save my money. There's nothing out that I care to see. I already saw Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, I enjoyed that and I heard conflicting things about the film About Schmidt. I'll wait to see that on video. Instead, I watched some tube and played my new game. Life is good!

I let my beard grow over the weekend but couldn't stand the itching. I fashioned myself a goatee yesterday morning. I call it weekend goatee.

Bob grew a goatee
over the weekend
It's not much but it's all mine. I'm going to shave it off, no need to sport a fashion trend that went out in '95. Hey, I just had an unusual/fantastic idea! What would I look like with a half-goatee?

Another useless experiment
on the Internet
I look like a reject from Willy Wonka! Well, I do in person, it's kind of hard to take a photo of a 4-day-old goatee. Seriously, when you woke up this morning did you have any idea you'd be seeing a half-goatee? Tell your friends about BobBorden.com!

That might be enough for today, let me check -

Yep, this is a keeper! Tune in tomorrow when I shave my eyebrows.

God Bless America.

01-27-03
I hope you had a very lovely weekend. My weekend started off on Friday night. I got home and enjoyed a lovely burrito for dinner. I can't remember what I watched on TV, I really should start taking notes on my boring activities, ha ha.

Saturday, I woke up around 10. It felt great to sleep in so long. I kicked around the apartment and watched some car shows. I walked over to the laundry mat but it was out of service, odd. I was forced to regroup; I got in my car, drove to Jersey City and did my laundry over there. I haven't been back there since I bleached all my clothes. I killed two birds with one stone, while my clothes were drying; I did my grocery shopping at the A & P. Excuse me for a second - YAWN!!!!!

OK, so I had a low-key weekend. They can't all be winners.

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for, SUPER SUNDAY! I slept in until 11 - that's some awesome sleep time! I enjoyed a breakfast of Frosted Flakes, watched some tube and then went for a walk. I was walking around Hoboken and I had an odd feeling. I haven't gone for a walk in a long time. I enjoyed walking around Hoboken. I bought a $20 game for the GameCube. Smuggler's Run - it's very entertaining! I also bought a good old F & G bag for my vacuum. My old bag must have weighed 10 pounds, ha ha.

You say Super Bowl, I say Super Bore! Can I get a witness?! I wanted Oakland to win but they were simply outmatched. I had a lot of bets on the big game. I had $45 invested in the office pool and I had another $40 on the Internet. That's a lot of money for yours truly but I wanted to celebrate my football awakening in style. My friend Walter found a website when you can bet on sports and he was kind enough to let me place a few bets on his account. And I'm very happy to report that I won $70! Now, if you're good at figures you'll notice that I'm down $15. That's fine by me; I was lucky to get anything! Sports betting isn't for me, there are just too many variables. I'm sticking with Blackjack, ha ha. I liked Sting but thought the commercials were below par.

I think that's it for a Monday. We're not taping shows this week - I may go see a movie tonight. OK, have a great Monday.

God Bless America.

01-24-03
Friday! But not just another ordinary Friday, this is the beginning of Super Bowl weekend! You can go back to my archives and see that I've been rooting for Oakland since week one. Did I say Oakland? I meant the Steelers but once that ship sailed, Oakland seemed like the next logical choice. I like Rich Gannon, if he throws 6 touchdowns on Sunday; I get paid 100 to 1. That's some sweet action! At this point it should be noted that I know less about sports gambling than I do about sports. Still, you have to be in it to win it!

I have an annual tradition at my household. Saturday morning, I get up bright and early, drive down to the old Circuit City and buy a Big Screen TV! My Mom always says -- If you're going to watch the Super Bowl, you need a super screen! Here's the baby I got my eye on this year:

Bob's buying a big screen
TV for the Super Bowl
As tradition has it, I watch the game on Sunday and return the set on Monday. Circuit City has a great return policy. If you think about it, everybody wins. Oakland all the way! Who will you be rooting for this Sunday? Let me know on my message board.

I need to buy some winter clothes! I froze my butt off walking home last night. My wardrobe never fully recovered from my bleaching accident a few months back. I'll never forget that moment when the bleach hit those colored clothes. Oh the many tragic events that have happened in my life.

I'm going to end it here for today. I'll be back on Monday with stories of betting on sports, lost romance and the heart-breaking story of my yearlong battle with Haagen-Dazs addiction.

God Bless America.

01-23-03
I know I said I wasn't going to talk about how cold it is but it's still damn cold! And I know in other parts of the country/world it's colder. But it seems unusually cold in the east and it seems like its been that way for an unusually long period of time. My theory? Global warming? Ha ha, don't make me laugh. Global warming, recycling and the hole in the ozone are the biggest frauds perpetrated by the liberal media today. I blame it all on UFO's. That's right; I'm perfectly sane when I say that. You see, UFO's have been coming to earth for many, many years. They travel at such a high rate of speed and produce such an immense amount of heat that over time, have caused the polar ice caps to slowly melt, thus producing these fluctuations in the atmosphere. It's simple science.

That's my new character, Insane Bob, he wrote the first paragraph of today's diary. I like Insane Bob. Oh creative writing, houst I love thee. Again, I don't know what to talk about today. It's Thursday, today's the day where the American workforce gets everything done so they can leave work early on Friday. As far as this diary goes, I'm just the opposite. Monday's the best diary of the week, followed by another good one on Tuesday. Wednesday, things start to thin out a bit. Thursday usually has me reaching for material (i.e. UFO's) and Friday, I like Friday diaries, they just put a nice bow on the week. I wonder if anything will happen in this next paragraph?

My luck ran out last night. I didn't win my scratch-off tickets. I knew I wasn't going to win from the very first scratch. One ticket was for 10,000 and the other for $2500. You just know no one wins those! I'd have better luck falling into a manhole. Although, I did step in crap the other day - the odds on that have to be up there. I'm going to keep playing the lottery. You never know when you're going to step in crap; you know what I'm saying?

I listened to music again last night. OK, I have to stop here for today, I'm rambling.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

01-22-03
Two nights in a row I went straight home and listened to music. Mostly listened to the Rolling Stones. They have quite the body of work. I also listened to a CD that I got in the mail yesterday. The band has a horrible name, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, but their CD, Strung Out In Heaven, is very satisfying. Also for two nights in a row, I bought scratch-off tickets. Monday night, I won $2. If you know anything about me, you know I let it ride! Well, I won another $2. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow on tonight's purchase. I also played the Mega Millions game; it's up to $50 million. You have to be in it to win it!

The Spanish Prisoner is a pretty good movie. I'm listening to music, typing this diary and I just looked over and saw something I didn't notice before. Cool.

Have you figured it out yet? I have nothing to talk about today. Excuse me if today's diary is eerily reminiscent of King's Things.

If I had a bookie, I'd bet the farm on Oakland. Rich Gannon just had a super season and he deserves to go all the way.

When I said "bet the farm" that reminded me of a story. BobBorden.com presents: Stories I Don't Remember but I'm Going To Tell Anyway -- I think I heard this on a radio station years ago, I can't remember? Anyway, Neil Young was out on his boat, I believe on his lake. He had his house and barn wired like a stereo. Neil was listening to the music and yelled over to someone on land, "I need more barn." And that was Stories I Don't Remember but I'm Going To Tell Anyway. I enjoyed that when I was younger. I thought to myself, wow, how cool is that? And then I'd grab a bowl of chips and watch Speed Racer. Such is life.

I think that may be all for today. If I win the $50 million, I'll be calling in the next diary from my solid-gold car.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

It's still cold outside.

01-21-03
Hello. Before I start today, I thought I'd take a second to remind everyone that wasn't near a computer yesterday, that BobBorden.com was all new yesterday. So, please go back to the archives to catch up. I'd hate for my pretty words to be lost.

Tuesday. It's still cold outside. I'm going to go on record with this statement: I don't care how cold it is anymore. It gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer - The End. Feel free to quote me on that.

I'm on the bus yesterday morning and I see a guy in the park walking his dog. The guy is scraping his shoe on the pavement/grass like he just stepped in it. I felt bad for the guy but couldn't help but to laugh to myself - I love stuff like that. Cut to me at work a half hour later - I'm sitting there and that's odd, what's that funky smell? I cleaned my office on Friday. Sure enough, somewhere along the way, I stepped in dog crap! I couldn't really get upset about it after I laughed at that other guy - serves me right, as my Mom says. Here's a photo of my crappy shoe:

You didn't really think I took a photo of that did you? I did think about it, ha ha. The guy stepped in it and I stepped in it!? What's going on? Is this an epidemic!? This is yet another very good reason why all people should own cats. They're clean, amazing to observe and when they have to use the bathroom, they crap in a box -- none of this going outside nonsense. Please note that BobBorden.com is pro cats.

I didn't do a whole heck of a lot yesterday. Work ate up the majority of my day. I got home and watched Monster Garage. I like that show but I don't love it. I know I say that every week. The best thing on TV last night wasn't a television show; it was a movie title/description. I was surfing through the menu and saw this x-rated movie title: Naked Outlaws. I have to say, I was intrigued. Often, I've thought about being a naked outlaw. The description was as good as the title. The description read: Nudists flout the law. Ha ha! I thought that was very funny. I was laughing, and then I remembered that I live alone with two cats! -- Sweet ironic life.

I listened to a lot of music last night. Elliot Smith, Beck, live Clash and so on. I like music. I think that's enough for today.

Have a great Tuesday. God Bless America.

01-20-03
Hello. I usually post Monday's diary Sunday night at midnight. I wait until then because you never know if something exciting will happen. However, the way this weekend has gone, I can honestly say that nothing exciting will happen. So, I'm going to post this one at 3:00 on Sunday.

I didn't have a bad weekend, it just wasn't filled with car chases and knife fights, you know, like all my other weekends, ha ha.

Friday night I headed over to Walter's house to work on a couple of side projects. We over estimated the amount of work and soon were eating Burritos and playing video games. I was going to leave after we were done working but "Sally" brought up video games and I was hooked. Good evening.

Saturday I woke up around 11. Did I mention it didn't break 30 degrees the whole weekend? Thank goodness for my comforter, I would have been a giant slab of ice by now. I poured a bowl of Lucky Charms and turned on the tube. Two great movies were playing at the same time, The Magnificent Seven and Lawrence of Arabia. I flipped between the two and then committed to Lawrence of Arabia. Man that's a great one! I own it too but got sucked in to the one playing on AMC. AMC has really gone downhill - they show commercials and they showed Lawrence of Arabia, full screen with that Pan & Scan crap! It's truly awful! I'm going to watch that film again next weekend - on DVD!

After that I walked up the street to do my laundry. It was too cold for me to get into the car and drive to Nutley. I wasn't in the mood. I did my laundry, dropped it off at home and then got some dinner. I stopped off at the store to get some soda. This girl was reaching for the paper napkins but couldn't reach them. I helped her get her paper napkins. She thanked me and told me that they're apartment got flooded. I felt bad but as soon as she said "our apartment" I assumed she was talking about her boyfriend. Just once I'd like to meet a woman in a cool way. Just once!

After the store, I bought some dinner, another burrito. I watched some of the Rolling Stones on HBO. They were really good! Good old fashion LIVE music - Britney Spears and Janet Jackson, take note. Yes, TAKE THAT! After that I put in a DVD that my friend Jay let me borrow, Amores Perros -- great, great film. I missed it in 2001 but again, through the magic of DVD; I was able to experience something cool.

Sunday I got up around 9. I drove over to the old A & P.

Bob likes to shop
at the A & P
And that brings us up to this very moment. I should go out but I don't feel like it. Football is coming on soon. Besides that, when you go out, you spend money. I don't make the kind of money that you can spend - Sad but true.

OK, that's it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

01-17-03
It's Friday! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the weekend. It's going to be a cold one back east. My next sentence was going to be the following: "The cold is good for you, makes you feel alive." Then I realized I had no idea what I was talking about! Not a good sign, I'm not even out of the first paragraph yet. My gloves have holes in them. I was shaking someone's hand last night and noticed several holes on my nice, warm knitted gloves. I'm down to one pair of gloves. They're black and made out of some material not found in nature. I'll give them a shot.

I'm sitting at my desk yesterday, working very hard. Then this guy came into my office and hands me some papers. I opened up the envelope and I was served with divorce papers!

Pam and Bob
are no more
Pam, my one and only love, dropped me like a hot rock! The papers didn't state the reason for the divorce. So, I gave Pam a call. Turns out she thought it was all just a joke! Were the flowers a joke, was our reception A JOKE?! -- Think about it Pam. I'm real! I have feelings; my love isn't something that you can just throw away like common trash. This was the best week of my life and sadly, the worst week of my life. I'll go on Pam, don't worry about me. I'm going to be fine.

To the nice people on my message board - you were right, I was wrong. I learned a lesson and today I'm a better man for it. What a week! Pam and I will remain friends. And to all the ladies out there, Bobby is back on the market! This is an odd website.

I think I should see a movie this weekend. I feel like I haven't seen a movie in a while. And I think I'll do my laundry in Hoboken again. There's a place by me that plays movies/TV while you wash your stuff. Last week I watched Cast Away with Tom Hanks. I enjoyed that movie. I'm still shocked that at the end of the movie, his wife is remarried with a family. I guess people have to move on but damn. I guess I shouldn't get upset; it's just a movie.

I bought a CD on Half.com for 75 cents! And it's brand new. I either found a terrific deal or I have terrible taste in music --something to think about.

OK, that's it! I'm routing for Oakland and Philly this weekend. Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

01-16-03
Hello Thursday! I had a major crisis last night. I turned on my TV and the picture was green in the corners. I freaked out! I immediately called my TV advisor, Jay. Jay wasn't home but by the time I left a message, the set cleared up. Whew! The set is 10 years old and was given to me by Jay. I think it's starting to go but we'll see. I've had it for close to 3 years. After the panic left my body that I would be TVless for an evening, it hit me - I'm addicted to Television.

Is it the programming, the soft glow of light, the solid black case, the warmth it provides? It could be all of the above. My car and TV are approximately the same age, I wonder if that means anything? Oh wait, I think it means I'm a poor bastard, ha ha! I picked my own lottery numbers the other night hoping that I'd win a quick 35 million. At the end of the day, when your hopes and dreams rest on the winning of the lottery, you know you're in trouble.

A lot of controversy on my message board concerning my wedding announcement yesterday. I read your messages of shock and disgust but decided to go ahead with it anyway. I'm sick of dating and all that goes with it! I'm very happy to announce that after a long friendship, Pam agreed to be Mrs. PamBorden.com. We couldn't wait until Valentine's Day -- here's some photos from our reception last night:

Bob and Pam tie the knot!
Pam read my website, called me up and said "I'd love to be your wife." She had me at "I'd." We're head over heels for each other! I know I promised Las Vegas for our honeymoon but on such short notice, we had to improvise. Our reception was at T.G.I. Fridays and the honeymoon was at Howard Johnson's. I know that sounds like a lousy wedding but when two people are so into each other it just doesn't matter.

So, I hate to say I told you so but I told you so. And to all the "ladies" out there, I say this to you: YOU MISSED THE BOAT! I'm officially off the market! Life is good!

I stopped by the record store the other night looking for a CD that I sold that now I want to listen to again. They didn't have it. Then I remembered that Prince has a live CD out and I'll pick that up. I look in the Prince section and nothing. Odd, maybe Prince didn't put one out after all. I'm walking out the store and I see the new Prince CD. Except it isn't a CD, it's a box set. 4 CDs for $57!
I don't have that kind of money, hell, I just got married! Maybe it's cheaper online. Just looked online, found it for $47 but still, $47!

OK, that's it for today. It's still cold outside but I don't care anymore because my heart is warm! Have a great day! God Bless America.

01-15-03
Hello. I had a pretty busy day at work yesterday. But that's what life's all about, working hard and being proud of a good day at the grind stone. My cold is still hanging in there. That flu shot I had back in October wasn't worth a plug nickel! I think they may have shot me up with water. I'm done with flu shots; I bought into the hype, lived in a false state of healthiness and suffered the consequences.

I was walking by Rupert's Hello Deli last night and Rupert and May gave me a free hot chocolate! How nice is that? It was oh so chocolaty good. It's the little things. Thanks Rupert and May!

As you may or may not know, I don't have a girlfriend. I am sans woman. I usually don't think about it that much but with Valentine's Day right around the corner, it crossed my mind. It's with that thought that I make the following MAJOR BOBBORDEN.COM ANNOUNCEMENT: By St. Valentine's Day 2003, I Bob Borden of BobBorden.com will be married. I have less than a month to pull all of this together but I can do this. I need this from you; if you know of a woman in the tri-state area, please ask her to drop me a line - BobBorden@BobBorden.com.

Will somebody please
marry Bob?
I figure we'll go out, talk, get to know each other and then take the plunge. Where will we get married, where will we honeymoon? Two words: Las Vegas. That's right, that was NOT a misprint, Las Vegas baby. Now let me set the record straight on something -- I'm not desperate, ha ha ha, not by a long shot. I'm just sick of "the game." I honestly think that at this stage in my life, I'd be better off if I were a couple. OK, again, drop me a line. Thank you.

Holy moly, it's cold out there! I'm thinking about buying a jacket to wear over my jacket. My leather gloves are worthless. Highly fashionable, but as warm as a cold rock.

OK, talked about work, the weather and set a goal of being married by Valentine's Day. Yep, that should do it for a Wednesday.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

01-14-03
Hello. I feel like my cold is almost gone but I still have a bit of a stuffed up nose. Not a big deal but I'm still not 100%. I'm starting today's diary with that information because I have absolutely nothing to talk about today, ha ha -- funny because it's true.

Here's something, my nephew Lucas drew today's Photo of the Day. It's a drawing of an Ultraman clock. I cut it off but the title of his drawing read, "To Good bob Ultraman!" Damn, talented kid.

After my weekend of self-imposed solitude, I found my self in need of some human contact last night. On my way home I called up my friend Tiffany and we arranged to watch Monster Garage. That's a good show but it's a little too hokey at times. If only I could find a way to fix all the shows that need guidance. Tiffany's good people.

OK, believe it or not, that's all I'm going to write today. Sometimes, less is best.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

01-13-03
Hello. And now, without further adieu, master storyteller, Bob Borden, brings you today's diary:

I'm going to start with a quick window update. On Friday morning I drove over to the window place to get my used window put in. They were open but no one was around. I saw that they had Saturday hours and decided to come back then because I didn't want to be late for work. I used my extra time from the window place and put it to great use. I got a haircut.

I went to the barbershop in the subway. I haven't been there since 9/11. I figure it was probably for the best that don't relive that particular chain of events. But I needed a haircut and he does really great work, I threw caution to the wind. Halfway through the haircut he asked me if I've ever been in before. I paused and said, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I have been here before." I told him I was superstitious about coming back. It was a nice/funny moment. After that I had time to go to the bank. All this and I haven't even gone to work yet! Can you say productive?

Bob's new haircut
Saturday, I woke up at 7am. I had to get up early to go to the window store. That window is going in today come hell or high water! I wonder what that saying means? Anyway, they said it'd take an hour to put the window in. I brought my laundry with me and instead of just waiting, I put my time to good use. After my laundry, I picked up my car. Finally, I have 6 windows again! The used window cost $110 and it cost $65 to get it put in. That's $175 all because some junkie wanted the change from my ashtray. I will say that $175 isn't too bad. A new window alone would have cost $300.

After that I drove to the A & P. I got home around 11:30, all my weekend chores complete! Also, keep in mind that I did all this while having a cold. I cleaned up my apartment and got ready for the Steelers game. What a heartbreaker! But they had a great season and they're going to be pretty tough to beat next year.

Sunday, I was going to go over to Walter and "Sally's" house to watch the 49ers but my cold was getting the best of me. I stayed in all day and took it easy. The cold has moved to my nose and taste buds. I'm exhausted from all the football this weekend.

OK, that's it for today. Have a great Monday.

The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.
--Vince Lombardi (1913-1970)

01-10-03
I can't believe it; I think I'm getting a cold! First the flu/stomach problems and now a sore throat -- this is B.S.! I'm going to load up on cold pills to try and put a stop to the madness. This is crazy!

I got home last night and did the usual routine. I changed my clothes and couldn't believe it. My favorite shirt was still clean - that's unheard of on a Thursday night! It's the little things in life; it has to be the little things.

The plan for this morning is to get my "new" car window put in. I hope everything goes smoothly. If I have time, I'd also like to squeeze in a haircut and visit the bank. That'd be cool.

I don't have any major plans this weekend. I think I have to wait and see how this cold plays out now. I know I'm going to watch football. I'll be routing for the Steelers on Saturday.

If you're like me, a student of the human body, this next story will amaze you. Or you'll throw up, one or the other. My friend, who didn't wish to be identified for this story, we'll call him "Ray", my friend "Ray" noticed a small bump on his neck get bigger over the years. Rather than risk an unhealthy situation, "Ray", went to his dermatologist to see what was going on.

"Ray" has a pain
in the neck
The dermatologist said it was an ingrown hair and he'll just pull it out, no big deal. "Ray" goes home and the bump is still there, odd, he thought. So "Ray" took a pair of tweezers to his neck. A couple of gross minutes later he pulled out -

This HUGE hair came
from "Ray's" neck!
A huge hair! Honestly, it's like something from a barber shop floor! I think he should call Ripley's Believe it or Not! Absolutely amazing/disgusting! Thanks for sharing that with my audience "Ray", I'd like to say you're not alone but I have a feeling you probably are, ha ha! Whew, gross!

That's it! Have a great weekend.

I try not to repeat myself. It's the hardest thing in the world to do --- there are only so many notes one human being can master.

Prince

01-09-03
Hi. I hope this is the best Thursday of your life. That's my personal wish to you. Words can be wonderful. With the right wordage, you can make your fellow man feel good. And isn't that what it's all about anyway, feeling good? So, why not pick up the phone and make someone's day great!? Go on, do it!

I got NCAA 2003 football in the mail yesterday. I played it most of the night -- very good game and I got it for a great price -- $20 at BestBuy.com. I think I should have been a football player. Or at the very least, a football game designer.

I wonder how my bald spot is coming along these days? I haven't checked it in a while.

Bob is slowly going
bald
Damn, that's not good. Oh sweet ironic life. I made a vow to myself at 15 that I wouldn't let going bald bother me. I'll just shave my head. But the realization that it is happening is still hard to grasp. Excuse me for a second - Lord! Lord, what's your plan for me? It's time to get something going on project B-O-B. Help a brother out. Thanks Lord. OK, I'm back.

Thanks to everyone that helped me make a winter hat decision yesterday. Your feedback is very important to BobBorden.com. I'm going with the gray hat. However, it's supposed to be 47 degrees today, I think I'd stick out like a turd in a punchbowl if I wore a winter hat.

OK, that's all I have today. Have a great day.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

01-08-03
Hello. I hope everything is going well in your life. Remember The Police? I'm listening to a live Police CD and they really made some great music together. They have a very crisp/sharp sound. Short and sweet, not a lot of wasted notes, if that makes any sense at all.

You know what I did last night? I went to the stationery store to pick up some thank you notes. There's something very calming about a stationary store. There's just a lot of fancy envelopes and cards. That's it! So very simple, yet they're making a go of it. It's interesting how people make their livings.

I walked home after that and darn if it isn't freezing out there. I forgot to wear my winter hat, two days in a row. That's not good -- I have to stay healthy! I got home, opened up the old hat drawer and was faced with two options: 1. Show my team sprit while staying warm and wear my Steelers hat or 2. Wear the very warm and functional gray hat.

Which winter hat should
Bob wear?
I'm leaning towards the gray hat but I also like the Steelers' hat. Let me know what you think on my message board.

I played the lotto last night. I'm going to check the numbers later today. I'd check them now but I still need a little more fantasy time. Better to dream and have a good day than to remove all doubt and feel disappointed. And just to let the lottery folks know, I don't need a lot of money. That guy that won the $315 million last week, I don't need all that. Once you buy the solid gold toilet and vintage Trans Am, what else is there? My fingers are crossed.

Let's see, winter hats, lotto, is their anything else? I was going to get a haircut last night but the thrill of the stationery store made me want to cut my loses and go home. Maybe I'll get one tonight? I could very easily do it myself but I've been getting good results lately at the old Super Cuts.

OK, that's it! Have a great day.

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

01-07-03
Hello Tuesday. It's good to be alive on a Tuesday. Not sure what that means, I just felt poetic. The first day back is always a shock to the system. I took it slow and weaved my way forward yesterday. That's all you can do sometimes.

My used car window was at work when I arrived yesterday. It looks sweet.

Bob's new
glass
I'm going to try and get it put in this week. I've been toying around with the idea of just selling my car. I don't honesty and truly need one in this area. My having a car was a way for me to hold on to my Ohio upbringing. Growing up, you didn't walk across the street if you needed something; you drove. I love having a car but I don't love it when people break my window just to steal the change from my ashtray. I have to really think about it. Part of me thinks that I'd let the bastards win if I sold it. I don't know?

With the luck I've been having lately, I could almost see myself tripping and breaking my window on the way home. I was extra careful last night. I had two layers of bubble wrap around that sucker. And when I came to a slippery sidewalk, I was almost crawling. I was a sight -- A big, slow-walking man, carrying a car window in bubble wrap. Is this life?! Very funny.

I think part of my sickness is still hanging in there. I'd say I'm at 85% right now. I feel great but my system is still a little out of whack. I just had a thought; maybe I shouldn't talk about this kind of stuff? Ah screw it, nobody reads this crap anyway - no pun intended, HA HA HA HA HA! "Boooooooooooo! Go back to Ohio Borden!" Damn, tough audience today.

I watched the old Late Night show on Trio last night. Andy Kaufman was the guest, very funny. I used to watch Late Night every chance I got. Oh sweet, sweet memory lane.

That's it! Have a great day. This reminds me, I'm thinking about changing my sign-off for 2003. For over a year I ended the diary with God Bless America. Now, I'm thinking, why not mix it up a little? So, I'm going to end today's diary with a new, original sign off. Let me know how you like it on my message board. OK, here we go:

OK, that's it! Have a great day. May the force be with you. I just came up with that, wow, pretty good.

"Boooooooooooo!"

01-06-03
Happy New Year! It's hard to believe it's 2003, time flies. So what did I do on my week off? I drove back to my homeland, Steubenville, Ohio.

Day one: My Mom got a hot tip on a pony so we went up to the track to spend some quality time together. Her tip didn't pan out but we had a good time anyway. Thanks Mom.

Day two: I was hoping to attend the Steelers' game today with my friend Tim but it was cost prohibitive. Instead, we played PS2 football from 2:30 to 11:00. It was fantastic.

Day Three: I cleaned my car. Waxed it and everything. It really looked nice for about five minutes then the rain and snow came down. I should correct that last sentence, I should say that my car looked as nice as a car could with a missing window. I have the window now; I'll put it in this week -- hopefully. Later that night, I went over to my brother's house and hung out. 3 nephews and a niece -- they wear me out but I love 'em.

Day Four: New Year's Eve. I went over to my brother's again and left around 11:00. There's nothing like bringing in the New Year with Dick Clark and two cats. The holidays this year were very uneventful. My heart just wasn't where it should have been.

Day Five: Day one of the sickness. I woke up and everything was fine. But around 12, I started getting the shakes. Teeth chattering, legs freezing and it felt like there was a sun lamp aimed at my forehead. I called my sister-in-law, Liz, and she told me that Max, the littlest Borden, had the same symptoms. Max didn't eat his dinner the night before and I was hanging out with him like there was no tomorrow. He gave me the sickness! Was this Max's way of thanking me for not getting him a Christmas present? I know it sounds cruel that I didn't get him a gift but I have a rule where I don't buy presents for kids that still crap in their pants.

Public enemy #1
Well, I can't worry about how and why I got sick - I have to get better. But know this Max, you're on my list.

Day Six: Day two of the sickness. My fever broke but now I feel like if I eat anything, I'll vomit. All I can do today is sit in a chair and watch TV. I think I hate TV now -- it's just all so plastic and meaningless. Then I remember that I work in TV and quickly change my opinion.

Day Seven: Day three of the sickness. Woke up at 4am and felt like I was going to vomit. I drank some water, relaxed and went back to bed. I woke up at 6am and vomited. Ever vomit on an empty stomach? I went back to sleep and woke up around 9. I finally felt like eating but without getting too gross, another problem cropped up, stomach problems. Man oh man! I ate lunch, dinner and packed up my stuff for the drive back to Hoboken on Saturday.

Day Eight: Day four of the sickness. Got up around 8 and my stomach problems haven't passed. Rather than playing rest stop roulette on an eight hour drive, I postponed my trip by a day.

Day Nine: Sickness is over, finally! Woke up early, felt good, loaded up my car and hit the road. 5 miles from home my car "window" was making a lot of noise and letting the elements in. I pulled over, applied more tape and started again. This time it made even more noise! Defeated, I turned around and went back home. My Mom gave me some duct tape and that did the trick. Thanks again Mom. I drove all day, enjoying the winter scenery and enjoying just being outside. I tuned in the Steelers' game around 1:00 and before I knew it, I was back in Hoboken. I was able to see the last 6 minutes of the game. Man, it wasn't pretty but at least they won. Very exciting. I picked up a burrito for dinner and just relaxed after that.

And that was my vacation.

New Year's Resolutions, I made a few. Here's the very short list:

1. Achieve and maintain a comfortable weight
2. Try to be more understanding of stupid people
3. Become an Ultimate Fighter

I'm back! Have a great day. God Bless America

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