Have a Happy (safe)
4th of July!

See ya on the 10th!

** Today's diary was brought to you by the fine folks at Klondike...



Best,

Bob

My walk home.

I got off the bus last night on the other side of town. I did this because I had some business to take care of with my friend Kipley. Kipley and I hung out for a while chatting it up on the stoop...I used to think that people who hung out on the stoop were morons but you can really get a lot accomplished. If you really think about it (and I have), it's really kind of a community gathering center.

Anyway, as I left Kipley, the first thing I noticed was the air, it was so humid I could see it. The second thing I noticed was the smell...it was trash day. Nice. I walk a couple of blocks and saw something so sad, I had to take a photo.


The saddest photo
ever

Doesn't that just break your heart?! Youth lost. A couple of blocks later...

"Hey big man, big man, can I get 35 cents?" If I've said this once, I've said it a thousand times, calling me "big man" doesn't mean we're buddies! I keep walking.

I pass a 2004 Jeep Wrangler that's for sale, they're asking $15,000...seems like a lot for a stick shift. I'm tempted to call the number and ask if it's made of solid gold but I keep walking.

Closer to my house, oh, there's a baby diaper disposal canister, now THAT'S an interesting smell.

A block away from my crib, I hear a woman screaming. I get closer and see her screaming at a cab driver. She's speaking English but I can't make out anything. You know those 911 calls they play on the 11 o'clock news, every so often something is said that can't be understood, so the transcriber writes, 'unintelligible,' well, she was unintelligible. Her husband (I'm guessing) runs to her aid and says this, "Stop screaming, they're going to think you're drunk!" Ha ha ha!

And that was my walk home.

Taxi!

Best,

Bob

An open letter to Warren Buffett.

Dear. Mr. Buffett,

Congratulations on your recent announcement to give away your vast $42-Billion fortune. The world can learn a valuable lesson by your generosity. When I have a kid someday and his/her room is adorned with posters of musicians/athletes of the day, I will encourage him/her to make room for someone who has done what no one else before him has done. Amazing.

God Speed Mr. Buffett.

Sincerely,

Bob Bor.....

You know, while we're on the subject and while you still have your wallet on the table, I don't know...maybe kick a little my way! I'm not hurting for anything, for example: I'm lucky enough to have a nice car but I don't have a GPS system and I tend to get lost a lot. And, I work in TV but haven't been able to afford one of those sweet LCD TVs. And, I can't find a good pair of glasses to save my life, I have three pairs right now and I hate them all!

I think I'd probably only need around $5000. Thanks WB!

Sincerely,


Bob Borden

Too tired to blog!

How embarrassing is this story:

"WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription."

Ha ha...that sucks, I don't care who you are.

Bonus photo from my weekend that was too controversial to post yesterday:

GEESE!

And that's all she wrote!

Best,

Bob

**You never know what's going to happen when you step into the octagon.

Friday night I got a haircut, picked up some dinner (Mision Burritos) and called it a night.

Saturday's plan? Drive down to the Jersey Shore to attend a party at Rupert's (Hello Deli) place. My friends "Sally," Walter, Jay, Tom, took one car and I drove myself. Later, I'd drive Tom & Jay back. Anyway, you don't care about that...the party was great fun.

[L to R]: Walter, Rupert

Jay, Walter & Rupert
in a Kayak race!
(I stayed on dry land this weekend)

Turns out, the land
wasn't dry at all

You invite me to a party
on the Jersey Shore, this
is the shirt you get...I stuck
out like a turd in a
punchbowl

The rain came and the outside party became an inside party. Fun but I was driving and cut myself off at one beer (I don't mess around with drinking and driving). I would have loved to stay longer, drink a little more but the wet road back to Hoboken was calling. What a horrible drive back, the rain never stopped. I dropped Tom & Jay off at the PATH station and decided to drive to Wal-mart. I had to buy some underwear to update the collection a little. I figured 7:30 Saturday night would be a lot better than Sunday morning. I was wrong. I got my drawers and got the hell out of there...it was madness!

I picked up a sandwich from the deli and watched all of season 3 of **The Ultimate Fighter. Spike TV had a marathon, so I decided to Tivo it...Damn shows erased everything I didn't have saved, ha ha. Saturday, I moved my top mattress to the living room to be close to the AC. When I woke up on Sunday, I felt like I was in a crack den, ha ha.

Sunday I put the mattress back in my bedroom. Then I had to do some cat-sitting duties. This guy that owns my friend's (Kipley) building, he's the nicest guy to talk to. That was a nice start to my Sunday. After that I loaded up the car and drove to Nutley (nice laundry mat with stuff to do close by). I went to Kohl's during the wash cycle. I was looking at shoes and I was recognized! He said, you must get that all the time, I said, oh, you'd be wrong. Ha ha. Nice guy, I should have taken his photo -- darn.

So I'm in line at Kohl's and there's a line before the line. Have I talked about this before? You have to form one line to wait for a cashier to open up...the cashier calls you over from the line. They do this at Best Buy now. It's SO dumb! It's one thing to have to wait for someone to exchange an item or to have coupons but now, I have to wait for three people to do this?! I put my shoes down and walked out. Screw that.

With the clothes drying now, I hit the pizza place for lunch. They're still watching the World Cup. It's exciting to watch it with people that are really into it...kind of exciting, ha ha.

After that, I drove around a little and got lost. It was kind of fun. A & P after that. I bought a fan at Linens 'n Things...I guess you'd call that a thing.

Did you really need
to see a photo of this?

It's one of those tower fans...$29 and it had a $10 mail-in rebate -- cha ching!

Cleaned the apartment blah blah blah...

Have a great week!

Best.

Bob

Random stuff:

I have three weeks of dishes in my sink that I haven't cleaned. I did pre-clean them but that's like taking half a shower. Shame on me.

I'm thinking about getting a haircut, short for summer, maybe I'll get that done before work.

Everyday next week, I'm going to offer free ringtones...all you'll have to do is download them to your phone.

Random photo for
a random diary

I fell asleep on my sofa this week (in front of the AC) probably 3 times. I really should move my bed into the living room. But as an adult, I just can't do that.

I have crazy ideas sometimes, like, moving my bed into the living room.

Looking back, I'm glad I didn't get that Bruce Lee tattoo in Spain.

I did end up eating that prop box of Dots. I'm a hypocrite but I'm an honest one.

I've listened to The Beatles' The Long and Winding Road, twice a day, for the past week and a half.

I have a great car and yet, that beat-up pickup truck for sale on the side of the road, still catches my eye. Why can't I just be satisfied with things?

Hey, I don't mind this, I thought this diary was going to suck eggs.

So there you go. Have a great weekend!

Best,

Bob

Time for a new feature to bobborden.com, I call it; bobborden.com Salutes the Modern Woman. Here we go...You take the early bus to make it to work on time for the old 10 to 7 grind. An everyday girl, doing a thankless job for what Connie Chung would consider a skid row salary. In your free time, you walk the malls of Paramus, looking for bargins and hitting on the teenage boys that take the movie stubs in the multiplex. You scrimp and save to make end's meat. Your only dream in life? Comfortable shoes. When that dream became a reality (yesterday) -- it came at a price. That price? Your ankles, we've all been there...can I get a witness?! This week's bobborden.com Salutes the Modern Woman salutes, Kim Reynolds!

Way to go Kim!

Would you like to be considered for the next bobborden.com Salutes the Modern Woman? Just send an e-mail (and photo) telling me why you deserve such an honor. Who knows, you could be the next bobborden.com Salutes the Modern Woman woman.

About that first item, Kim came to work yesterday, ankles bloody from a pair of cheap shoes she bought the night before. Instead of reaching for the first aid kit, I grabbed my camera, ha ha. I thought it was the perfect diary entry but later in the day, I didn't think it was anything...I didn't want to not include her in the diary after saying she was in, so I decided to be creative and make the photos work for me. So there you go.

Oh my, I had my laundry done for me this past weekend. I thought I was really doing something great but that choice really kicked me in the butt. 1. I had to cut my weekend short, leave the Hamptons eariler, get stuck in traffic so I could pick it up on time. And 2. They used some kind of detergent (on everything!) that makes me smell like a French whore! I'm a Tide guy, plain and simple! From now on, where I go, my laundry goes. Such is life.

I'm not a Sonic Youth guy but their new CD is pretty good.

That's it!

Best,

Bob

While on the subway yesterday, I saw something that I just couldn't stop thinking about. A business man, middle age, suit/tie, moustache, reading the paper -- he reached in his pocket and pulled out a box of Dots.

Dots

This blew me away because to be quite frank, this is the bottom of the food chain as far as candy goes. If you've ever had Dots, you know what I'm talking about. They have an odd, waxy texture, they stick to your teeth and if held in your hand long enough, your hand turns the color of the Dot. Why not grab a Twix or a Baby Ruth, something that you feel like you're getting your money's worth. If you must have a jelly candy, go for Chuckles, not Dots. If I were that guy's business associate and I saw him eating Dots, I'd think twice about my business. If he's making that candy choice, what's he doing in every other area?!

There should be a candy magazine...Hmmmmm...



Well, there's 45 minutes I'll never get back. It's 1 AM and I just ate a box of Dots, ha ha...just kidding. Time for bed!

Oh, one more going home story but before I forget, thanks for the messages yesterday -- it's good to know that people still read this crap.

Last item: I was on the bus back to Hoboken last night and I saw an odd billboard that simply said; "I pooted" -- intrigued, I wrote it down on a piece of paper so I could look it up later...turns out, it's just a phrase used on the Cartoon Network's show, Foster's Home. I LOVE GREAT ADVERTISING! And this is pretty good, man! Think about it, I saw it, wrote it down, looked it up and now I'm talking about it on my website. Will I seek out this show? Probably not but if I flip by some day, I'd watch, just to see what the deal is. Good for them.

That's it!

Be real --

Bob

It's too hot to sleep! This very well might be the year where I move my bed into the living room so I can be close to the AC (I think that must be the Hoboken equivalent to having a junked car on your front lawn, ha ha). Now my AC sounds like a small plane taking off (10 years old) -- so I don't know what the hell to do.

Yesterday I talked about my near-death swimming experience. Today, I'll share my near-death boating story. Have you ever been in a canoe? Walter sat in the middle and I sat behind him. We paddled off and it was the most unstable thing I've ever been on. If I would have sneezed, we would have gone in the drink.

Walter in canoe

After the real fear of capsizing, twice...I had Walter take me back to dry land. Emasculating? A little but I didn't care...I have some more living to do!

Short and sweet today as I think no one is reading bobborden.com this summer.

Be real --

Bob

I went to the Hamptons this weekend, oh, what's that...you've never heard of the Hamptons? Playground to the rich and famous? It's just a little out of the way place, you wouldn't like it. Anyway...I love that joke...the joke being that I'm broke and yet somehow can afford to run with the "in" crowd, ha ha. My "in" crowd are my friends "Sally" and Walter (wouldn't have it any other way). Man, we had a good time! We spent about 60% of the time in the pool.

The water and I have an interesting relationship. When I was a kid, I had tubes in my ears, so getting in the pool wasn't on my list of things to do. I was in my twenties before I learned how to swim. And then there's the Howard Johnson's incident. Long story short; the pool depth was in metric numbers, I was a little kid, I asked my brother if this was the shallow end, he said it was...turns out, it wasn't...I thought I was going to die! Everybody had a good laugh...I was scared for life!

Now, at 36, I'll try anything...life is too short to sit on the sidelines. Back to the pool, while I'm trying to ease into the chilly water, I watched as Walter made a text-book dive into the pool:

Picture perfect

I watched this dive in awe. He did it with such ease. Keeping with my NO FEAR attitude, I decided to jump in and get it over with.

I stood on the edge and slowly (very slowly) built up the courage to dive in:

Not so good

Walter counted down, "3, 2, 1 - GO!" as I was in the air, panic set in (as you can see in that photo). I hit the water and never touched the bottom, it was deeper than I thought. Not on the bottom and not out of the water, I freaked out! My arms were paddling around like crazy! I break the surface and I can hear "Sally" say to Walter, "maybe you better jump in there" ha ha! That's how bad it was. But just then, I figured it out and swam to the side.

Whew! Life was a little sweeter after that. I will jump again and I will learn how to swim underwater this summer. Never give up!

That's it! Have a bitchin' week.

Thanks "Sally" & Walter!

Best,

Bob

It's always fun being on TV...I do have to say it's somewhat odd that I was on Guiding Light for the 4th time. Don't get me wrong, I love it...I just didn't see this in the cards. Mark G sent me a couple of cool clips from my appearance (thanks!).

[L to R]: Delivery guy (Bob),
Reva Shayne Lewis Spaulding Lewis Cooper Lewis
(Kim Zimmer)

AND, I had a blurb in Soap Opera Digest:

Insert: "Bob Borden (Deliveryman): Borden,
of the LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN,
makes a delivery on June 15."

Sweet butter!

I'm at work the other day and I happen to stumble upon a promotional DVD that some PR company sent in. You've heard of the great documentary, Super Size Me? Well, some smart people made a film for kids called, Portion Size Me, ha ha.

Portion Size Me

I guess they couldn't get the rights to the Super Size Me name. Anyway, that's not the funny part, the funny part is I took one look at this and laughed my butt off! I know a Late Show staffer that sort of looks like the girl on the DVD cover. Check this out:

Ha ha!

Thanks for being a good sport Thea! OK, that's it!

Hey, shoutout to my boss Eric, it's his birthday today! And to Thea, it's her birthday as well! Oh what a joyous day!

Have a great weekend!

Best,

Bob

I'm on Guiding Light today!

The nice folks at Guiding Light (America's favorite soap opera) were kind enough to invite me back (4th time)! How do ya like that? First, I played a cop, then a delivery man with a cold, then a delivery man with a fake moustache and today, just a delivery man, ha ha. In the NYC area GL comes on at 10 AM, if you're outside of NYC, you'll have to check your local listings. I'm not sure when my part comes on but don't blink or you'll miss me, ha ha.

So in yesterday's diary I was bragging about my Port Authority navigation prowess. I get on the bus less than 8 hours after that post and I have one of the worst commutes I've had in a long time.


Traffic

I was stuck on that damn bus for over an hour! And, was 15 minutes late for work, a rare occurrence. I hate being late! Anyway, that's what I get.

Watch Guiding Light!

Be real --

Bob

Every so often I'm pleased to hand over the bobborden.com reins to one of my friends with a good story to tell. Today's story comes from Jay Johnson and it's about as exciting as it gets -- take it away JJ!

"Thanks Bob, there was an apartment fire in the building across the street from me on West 24th Street, in the historic London Terrace building.

Moments before I grabbed my camera a fireman was perched in the window of the apartment above the fire, swinging chains with metal pieces on the ends that broke the glass on the windows of the apartment that was burning.

Broken window, smoke/firehose spray
{insert}: Jay

A huge cloud of thick grey smoke came out of the window and got less dense around the time I was able to snap these pics.

Later, the FD sprayed water directly out of the window, effectively wetting down an entire half city block with spray that was carried down West 24th by high winds.

There were dozens of people down on the street watching. No word on whether anyone was injured or not. OK, that's all I got!"

Wow -- how cool was that?! Thanks for sharing with the bobborden.com audience!

Part of my everyday commute is getting in and out of the Port Authority (bus station) as fast as humanly possible. Yesterday the bus dropped us off at a different spot. I would call it the 2nd spot, not the normal spot, it's not uncommon in the AM to go to the second spot. Anyway, the bus is packed, people get off, there's an escalator to the left and all the way behind the bus, a staircase. The first person took to the stairs and the rest followed.

I get off the bus, walk to the escalator, it's not running, so I look down, no one is walking up, so I walk down. Thus, saving time and not getting caught up in the jam at the stairs (because there was another bus behind ours letting people off too). My point is, why do you think I was the only one to notice this? I don't know that I have an answer but it was very interesting to me...like looking in an ant farm.

They cleaned the floors in the Port Authority too...they look very nice. IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS! Can I get a witness?!

That's enough.

Best,

Bob

Ladies and Gentlemen, a bobborden.com WORLD exclusive! I give you, Ms. Paris Hilton:

All the celebrities come out
for bobborden.com!
So I'm reading the latest edition of Stuff magazine (hey, it was free!) and I come across a blurb for a Biz Markie rap doll. They're only going to make 1000 of them. What does this have to do with anything? HELLO, I COLLECT RAP DOLLS!

Biz Markie doll

This news just hit the non-rap world (Stuff magazine) this month but guess what, the rest of the hip-hop world knew about this back in March! The doll is $70 and, sadly, there was NO DOUBT in my mind that I was going to buy it. BUT I can't get their website to work, so I think I'm too late. Damn Damn Damn!

Remember last week's 4 signs of the apocalypse, where 4 people I work with were dressed the same? Well, it happened again yesterday:

[L to R]: Alan Kalter's arm, Bob,
Tony Mendez

I'm thinking now that it's not so much a sign of the apocalypse but more a couple of people with high fashsion sense, ha ha.

Last today, my thoughts are with Ben Roethlisberger for a fast and full recovery.

Get well soon!
(file photo)

Hey, I'm on the Tony Mendez show today, don't blink or you'll miss me! (It's called, "Tell Us What You Did This Weekend")

Have a good day.

Best,

Bob

What's up?! I had a lovely weekend if I do say so myself. Nothing very exciting, as you'll soon find out, but it just felt nice to be alive, you know?

Life is good

Friday night, did nothing, ha ha. That was easy to talk about.

Saturday I woke up somewhat early and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. I'm back on the horse! For those who don't know why I go to Nutley sometimes to wash my drawers, I go because it's often less crowded. That was the case, I was the only one in there! This was my first time back since the new management took over. What does the new management have that the old management didn't? Flat-screen TVs! The future is now.

While my clothes were washing, I walked next door to the shoe store. I need some new kicks but couldn't find anything! You figure a store full of shoes would be enough but sadly...

I headed to Kohl's next. They had a shoe worth trying on! I open up the box, pull out the shoe (you know this isn't going to end well) and what do I see inside? A toe nail! Fing NASTY! I got another pair, picked that up and saw mud on the heel! Bye Bye Kohl's!

I put my clothes in the dryer, walked to the pizza place for a slice. Everyone inside was watching the World Cup, so I sat there and watched it too. I'm guessing the Italian team was playing but what do I know.

I headed back to Hoboken and then went to Target. I was looking for the movie, The Motorcycle Diaries. I looked and looked but couldn't find it anywhere. I finally asked the lady for help (I hate to ask, typical male, am I right?!) and sure enough, they had it in the back room. Yeah for me! She hands it to me, it's in my hands, I look at it and it's full screen, I ask, "Do you have this in widescreen?" The answer, of course, was no. Crestfallen, I left with nothing.

I hit the A & P after that...you know the uncooked hambuger patties? They always seem like a good idea until you cook them, ha ha.

Sunday I wanted to be out and about again but I got lazy, TV, computer, more TV, washed my dishes...I finally made it out around 5:30. I drove to Best Buy...they had the widescreen Motorcycle Diaries! There wasn't any traffic, I was surprised and happy. I got home, watched the film and really enjoyed it! So there you go.

This is my first Sunday in a while that didn't involve watching The Sopranos. I don't know what to do with myself.

OK, that's it!

Have a great day!

Best,

Bob

Meaningless photo that's
only here to make today's dairy
seem like something.

If you've joined me today thinking I'm still keeping summer hours (posting once a week), surprise, I've been posting since Tuesday. Please take this time to review.

For the people that have been with me all week, the TRUE bobborden.com fans (ha ha), here's a list of the first 15 songs that play on my ipod when I shuffle the songs:

-- Jane Says by Jane's Addiction

-- Under the Gun by The Killers

-- It's my Life by Talk Talk

-- Two Tickets To Paradise by Eddie Money

-- Ace of Spades by Motorhead

-- Love Kills by Joe Strummer

-- Given To Fly by Pearl Jam

-- Tunnel of Love by Bruce Springsteen

-- Palomine by Bettie Serveert

-- Ruby Soho by Rancid

-- Let The Bad Times Roll by Paul Westerberg

-- Set Me Straight by The Melvins

-- Truth Hits Everybody by The Police

-- F#%king Hostile by Pantera

-- Not The Same by Ben Folds

Lists are cool. All good tunes.

That's it! Have a good one.

Best,

Bob

I was on the subway yesterday, minding my own business, thinking about the day ahead...I was looking around and my eye stopped on this guy wearing a novelty t-shirt. It was interesting to me because a couple of the words were obscured. So there I was, mind totally off of what my day was going to be and now I'm playing a low-rent version of Wheel of Fortune! It took about a minute before I figured it out:

Ha ha!

I love crap like that. Here's the thing, I think the guy was going to work! And in fact, because the shirt was wrinkled, it very well could be the same shirt he wore the day before, ha ha. He REALLY stands behind what's on his shirts! Ha ha. This topic reminded me about a conversation I had not too long ago about another novelty t-shirt:

Yes, I think this
is funny

The power of the mighty t-shirt. It doesn't take much to make someone else have a good day. Can I get a witness?!

That's it!

Have a bitchin' day.

Best,

Bob

Time once again for a bobborden.com favorite, I call it...


Click here for
the theme

Secret Confessions is a newer feature to bobborden.com where I tell something about myself that normal people don't usually share. Here we go: To save money on getting my haircut at a fancy salon (OK, SuperCuts), I cut it myself. Yes, I've done this before but something this time around seemed a little sad...kind of like I knew better but I did it anyway. Anyway, that was Secret Confessions. Wait, OK, now that I think about it, that Secret Confession was a little lame, so here's a bonus; recently, I started tivoing Martin.

What's up?!

Moving on...

Hey, did you check out yesterday's diary? Seems like some servers are playing catch up after my week off. Anyway, it's up, I'm back, no summer bobborden.com hours for me, all is right with the world. Here's a bonus photo you didn't see in yesterday's diary:

Jacob and Lucas at the New York
Aquarium -- that walrus was huge!

Nature's cool.

That's it! Have a great day.

Best,

Bob

I'm back! So much for summer hours. I'm addicted to writing this stupid blog, damn!

Hey, how about this 666 thing? Crazy, right? Well, maybe not so much...I was walking through the office yesterday and found 4 signs of the apocalypse, check this out:


[L to R]: Paula, Steve, Lorraine and Amy

Get it, THEY ALL DRESSED THE SAME WAY!!! Coincidence? I don't know but just in case I've been wrong all these years with Christianity...

Welcome unholy one!

Just kidding Lord. Sweet, sweet Lord.

I was on vacation last week. Usually I go back to Ohio but this time I kicked it around here. I really had fun doing nothing. Towards the end of the week my Brother and two of my nehpews came by for a visit. We had a lot of fun seeing the sights, playing video games and going out to dinner. Here's some highlights:


Coney Island
[L to R]: Lucas, Jacob and George
Note the umbrella, we got 4 inches in
3 days

Here I am standing next to a fine
piece of art

Brothers

Lucas caught in a
downpour

Empire State Building

Lucas had a fun day
ha ha!

I can't take a bad photo

Great time! I may have a couple more tomorrow.

That's it!

Best,

Bob