Recently, I added HBO to my Directv. I figured I'd better load up now because the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming on the 25th. I'd hate to get caught with my pants around my ankles. I also heard great things about Entourage. And man, did I hear right, it's such a funny show...my favorite character has to be Johnny Drama, very funny. You can't go wrong with a Dillon brother. The reason I bring this up is because I was flipping around the guide of shows and there was a movie I really wanted to see on Cinemax. I tuned it in but that channel was blocked. I thought HBO & Cinemax were a package deal but I guess when you get HBO, you only get 5 HBOs and Sundance. So I'm going to have to wait until the film Bikini Airways comes to HBO. Come on, BIKINI AIRWAYS...Give it up, damn! Such a long way to go for that.

I'm back in the swing of things and sadly, that means falling asleep on my sofa. Last night wasn't too bad except for the weird angle that made me feel like I was going to vomit when I sat up. You take the good with the bad. So, it goes without saying that today's diary is going to be short...short in length but NOT short on excitement -- thanks to my friend Jay Johnson. Jay went to New Zealand to quench his thirst for their adventure sports. Please join Jay in a jump from the Nevis Highwire Bungy -- New Zealand's highest bungy jump at 134m (440 feet) above a river canyon:

AAAAAAAAAA...

HHHHHHHH!!!!

WOW! How cool was that?! I'm happy to report that Jay made it back alive to share his story and to bungy jump another day -- Thanks Jay!

Not to be outdone, here's my friend Walter taming a snake:



Ummmm...Hmmmmmm, OK, thanks. (sorry I had to end the diary on a downbeat but Walter insisted I put that in)

Oh the skits...Have a great day!

Best,

Bob

Day two of working for a living, whew! I'm exhausted. I saw a cool movie over vacation and finally realized what I was put on this earth to do: Sit on a porch with a shotgun and scare off visitors. Did you ever see the film Secondhand Lions? Very entertaining. Shoutout to my nephews for turning me on to that one. Anyway, a running theme throughout the flick is sitting on the porch. After the film I thought to myself, damn, I wish I hit the lottery so I could sit on a porch with a shotgun...then it hit me, I probably don't need to hit the lotto to do that, ha ha. Oh, live and learn.

I hope you enjoyed my mammoth first-day-back diary yesterday. After reviewing it, It felt like something was missing...but what or whom did I forget?

Emma!

Ha ha! Or as I call her, the second to last Borden...I'm all heart. That photo was taken at one of the nephews' birthday parties. Very fun times.

(leftover vacation story) On my trip from Hoboken to Ohio, I had the ipod and the FM transmitter ready to roll. But the frequent static was driving me nuts to the point where I just listened to the radio. After a few LONG stretches of nothing but country music, I pulled into a truck stop to load up on some CDs. I picked up Jimi Hendrix's greatest hits and then I came upon something revolutionary:

Winning Combinations

What a great idea! I was standing in the truck stop thinking about this purchase, "Whitesnake, Scorpions...A Winning Combination? I'm willing to find out!" Those CDs saved me! the next 300 miles flew by!

From Ohio to Hoboken, I made a bunch of CDs and I credit that (and the PA turnpike) for shaving 2 hours off of my normal trip. Planning a long trip (400 miles or more)? Here's all the music you'll need: Brian Setzer's new CD, Bruce Dickinson's greatest hits, Dave Edmunds' greatest hits, CIV, Tom Petty's greatest hits, Billy Joel mix of early stuff and 3 CDs of random stuff. Something to think about.

That's it!

Keep right, pass left --

Bob

Vacation - WEEK ONE:

My friend Jeff and I headed to:

Washington D.C.!

We got to DC and had a nice night out on the town (Red Bull and vodka). On Sunday, we took in the sights (100 degrees with 100% humidity):

Washington Monument

Lincoln Memorial

The White House

And the reason I wanted to see D.C.:

World War II Memorial

My Uncle George died fighting in this war. I never knew the man but I knew what he meant to my Dad. I didn't ask my Dad about his brother until my Dad was really sick...it was just something I didn't know how to handle. But I'm glad I finally asked him about it. I'm glad I got to see the memorial, it's beautiful.

Monday morning, after a stop at the Smithsonian, we loaded up the car and drove to AC.

The Borgata

I was comped the rainman suite! It was pretty cool but we didn't go there to spend time in the room. I played a few slots and then hit the Blackjack table. I had a good run, then I started making stupid bets, I had it in my mind that I was going to get rich, ha ha. I played for about an hour and left with what I came to the table with. I should have walked away but, you know. I played some slots, some more blackjack, lost some more, hit the ATM, lost some more and was going to call it a night. Then I found a few hot slot machines, I won $200. I moved when that machine got cold, found another machine and hit for 20,000 nickels...that's $1000! I said to myself, this is as good as it gets. I left AC $300 up and I was lucky to do so. Whew! Jeff had luck at the BJ table and left up as well.

Tuesday we drove back to Hoboken, Tuesday night, we drove out to the Hamptons, that's right, the Hamptons...playground to the rich and famous. Wednesday I woke up to this view:

Sweet living!

We hit the beach and just chilled out. Thursday we drove to another part of the island to meet up with Jeff's coworker/friend Jon. Holy crap, this guy was amazing to talk with! When I was growing up in the 80's and watching MTV, this guy was making videos for the best of the best...without posting his resume, this is all you need to know: he made the Aerosmith/RUN DMC video!

Jon Small

(I feel weird about posting his photo but I found it on his website! He's not shy. Ha ha.) Jon took Jeff and I out on his boat, so much fun!

I'm holding on for sweet life!

There was an embarrassing story about the boat but I choose not to talk about that.

[[SIGH!]] OK, here's the story; To get to the boat we had to row out in a row boat. The key to this journey? Weight distribution. On the way out, we were OK. On the way back, he dropped Jeff and me off at the beach but the drop down was too high for me, I just imagined ruining this guy's boat by ripping the metal rope ties out of the front of the boat. So, back to the row boat for me. Again, think 'weight distribution,' I offer to row because I'm like three of him. He asks, "You know how to row?" "Oh yeah," I said. We get in the row boat and I couldn't get the hang of rowing! I kept banging into his big boat. This went on for five minutes, I'm as embarassed as hell and then we had to switch places. I felt like a child. Rowing to shore looked something like this:

Damn.

Ha ha ha. Oh Lord, this diet can't work fast enough for me. Jeff treated us to dinner and then we headed back to Hoboken. Thanks for a great day Jon and Jeff!

We woke up on Friday morning and it was time for Jeff to go.



A week to spend with anyone is a LONG time. We did get on each other's nerves but the good times outweighed the bad. Thanks for a great week Jeff, Godspeed.

Vacation - WEEK TWO:

Friday night I hung out with my friend Tiffany.

Saturday, I was on the road to Steubenville, OHIO! Saturday night, I was at my nephew's birthday party:

Happy 8th Jacob!

Sunday I hit the local casino and lost. That's it for a while, I'm holding on to my money. Sunday night I had dinner with the family.

Monday I spent most of the day with my nephew Lucas. We had lunch at Steak & Shake, took his bike in for repairs, played some video games, sat in some cool massage chairs and just had a good old time. Today was his last summer day before school started, remember that feeling? Here's Luke at Steak & Shake, I got him a huge milkshake (don't tell his Mom).

It's the little things

Tuesday...I went back to the casino due to peer pressure, thanks Mom! Anyway, I'm done with the local casinos around here, they just don't pay out.

Wednesday I decided to chill out at the movies. I saw Wedding Crashers, it was pretty good. Afterwards, I went to the mall and had an Orange Julius, mmmmmmmmmm, Orange Julius. Nectar of the Gods, damn that was good!

Thursday I took my car in because it was out of alignment. Driving in D.C. and NYC was too much for her, what can you do? Thursday night my friend Tim wanted to see the first high school football game of the year, which happened to be a few miles away and also happened to be the school where we graduated, Steubenville High School, home of the mighty Big Red. Back in the day...we were in the band.

High school football

I have to say, I really didn't want to go, I wanted to play Madden and not be social (I'm 35). But sometimes we have to do what our friends want. I sucked it up and still had a crappy time, ha ha. But, what the hell else was I going to do? The score was 20 to 0 after the first quarter and 20 to 14 when all was said and done. Big Red wins!

Friday I went to Wal-Mart to buy some underwear. Now, I told that to my family and I got the old, "Too much information" but what's wrong with saying I bought some new drawers? Friday night, another birthday party! Max, the youngest Borden, hit the big 4.

Happy 4th Max!

He had a fun day, good for him.

Saturday I decided to leave Ohio early so I could get one day in Hoboken to chill out before work. I took the PA turnpike instead of 80 because I would have bet that there would be traffic due to the Little League World Series (somewhere on route 80). I haven't been on the turnpike in a while and I made it back in record time! I only stopped once but there was something about the road/drivers. On the way to Ohio, on route 80, there were just SO many people living in the left lane -- it was very frustrating! On the turnpike, I only encountered that once. Remember people: Keep Right, Pass Left!

Saturday night I chilled out, got some dinner and watched Serpico. Damn fine movie!

Sunday I woke up at 1! Holy crap, I must have been tired...nothing like sleeping in your own bed. I cleaned my apartment and listened to music. Around 7 I picked up some dinner, it was crazy humid out there.

So, that was the last two weeks of my life, it was fantastic! If I do say so myself.

I'm back...we're back. Have a great day.

Best,

Bob

Oops! This bobcast is gone...if you missed it, tough.

See you in two weeks!

Best,

Bob

Hey, itunes just added the whole Frank Zappa catalog, sweet butter!

FZ on itunes!

I always liked Frank. I remember my band director in high school telling me about a poster he had in college of Frank. Frank's on the can and the caption on the poster reads, "Frank Zappa Crappa" -- ha ha!

Ha ha!

When I went to college, I had the same poster...excuse me for a second...YAWN! OK, I'm back. At band camp, a fellow band member, Sean McGrew, I think, had Frank's Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch album. That was a good one! Had I not been 100% into Motley Crue, my musical growth could have been fast forwarded by a few years. But there's something to be said for a good metal tune too.

I'm going to buy Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar very soon. It's two CDs of nothing but Frank's guitar solos.

In other music news, have you ever heard of a band called Matt Pond PA? I saw their video on Fuse this past weekend and it was very good/interesting. The song you should check out from them is Closest (Look Out), it's very satisfying...it makes me feel something. Remember; you heard it here first! (so they've been out for a few years, I've been busy!)

Vacation is hours away! Not sure what I'm doing for the diary tomorrow...I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Be real,

Bob

Bob said, Jeff said:

Bob Said:
Hello, hello. OK, my vacation, while it doesn't really get kicked off until this Friday, got off to a bad start last night. My friend Jeff came in from California last night and despite my understanding that his plane gets in around ten...he was standing on the corner as i walked home around 8:45. This breakdown in communication is not a good sign of things to come.

Jeff Said:
I told Bob I would be arriving no later than 9PM. I arrived at 8:55PM and waited outside on the corner of the street by myself until Bob finally came home at 9:45PM. I said, "Thanks for a great start to my vacation." He said something like, "Screw you. I am hot, sweaty, and I just want to go upstairs and drink. Come in if you want" I felt weird and a little bit awkward.

Bob said:
Ummm, whatev -- We got upstairs, unloaded Jeff's stuff and just took a breath. It was weird to see my friend again after so many years. Would we pick up where we left off, would the deafening silence drown out our true feelings? Jeff said, "Hey, let's get some dinner." Not being one to turn down a second dinner, I said, 'sure.' The pizza was good, the conversation was better.

Jeff Said:
I say to Bob, "Hey buddy, let's go get some grub" Bob mumbles something mean, goes into his room and shuts the door. Twenty minutes later, he comes out and says the word 'pizza'. I follow him out the door and we don't say a word to each other until we come to the pizza place, seven blocks later. I order a slice and a Diet Coke. Bob orders a slice and a Gatorade and says, "I don't have any money", then walks outside. It made me feel weird, but I went ahead and paid for him. Something tells me that won't be the last time this trip.

Bob said:
What solidifies a friendship more than knowing someone for years? In a word; Beer. We walked around for a bit, found a cute local pub and walked in. He bought a round, I bought a round....there were hot women everywhere but the only voice i could hear, was his. Jeff's back...we're back....welcome home Jeff.

Jeff said:
After a half hour of watching Bob sweat while downing his slice of pizza AND half of my slice, I asked if he'd like to go get an ale. He responded, "Screw beer - I wanna see some naked chicks!" At first I thought he was joking, but once I realized he wasn't, the entire trip started feeling like one big mistake. We finally walked into a bar and Bob ordered two beers. He then turned to me and asked if I had any cash. Classy. We drank, but it wasn't the same. Something was wrong. Had I changed? Maybe a little. But if being a decent human being is wrong, then I don't want to be right. I'll leave the strip clubs and random groping to the Bob Borden's of the world. Have a great day!

[L to R] Jeff, Bob

After a long, hard day at work, I don't mind telling you, all I wanted to do was go home. I get on the subway and notice that there's no one else on the train, this could only mean one thing; no air conditioning, which translates into about 100 degrees, easy. Relief is only a half a car away but I, along with two other beaten men (beaten by society) decided to sweat it out.

Here's an actual photo of the car I was on:

Too hot to sleep!

I make it down to the Port Authority and their sweet, sweet air conditioning washes over me like a velvet blanket of coolness.

What's the point of this story? Are you ready? Check it: Good things come to those who wait. In our everyday lives, we all have to endure a little BS, a little heat, if you will, but in the end, that sweet, sweet heaven is there to cool us all off.

And that's one to grow on.

(note: Today's diary would have been longer and made more sense but I fell asleep on my sofa...in front of the air conditioner.)

Have a good one --

Bob

I didn't have such an exciting weekend and now I have to write about it...why do I paint myself into a corner like this?

Bob's had better weekends
(file photo)

Friday night I picked up some dinner and walked home. I was super tired due to falling asleep on my floor the night before. What a weird week for sleeping, I didn't spend one night in my bed. Back to Friday night, I just watched TV and made it a point to go to bed.

Saturday I woke up around 10. I checked the old computer, watched a little TV and then decided to do my laundry. Everything that can be laundered, I'm bringing it. I'm having a house guest this week and he demands 100% cleanliness, ha ha. If you knew him, you'd laugh too. I was leaving my crib to do my laundry up the street when I saw my mail. My plates were ready! I got the car and headed over to the dealer. Plates in hand, I headed over to Jersey City to do my laundry. While my stuff was drying, I put my plates on. At that point, it finally seemed like my car. It's funny driving around here, people are nuts. You have to be on your game 100% or you will get hit, it's as simple as that. It just makes you want to drive with your windows down and yell, "please stay away from me!"

After laundry, the A & P, of course. I was in super slo-mo this weekend because I'm coming up on a vacation. Saturday night I watched a very funny TV show on BBC America, I'm Alan Partridge. Damn, that was good, it stars Steve Coogan who I know from the film 24-hour Party People. The show was good, it had a James Bond theme to it. Hello Tivo season pass.

Sunday I woke up around 11. I found myself being caught up in DirecTV. Around 4, I decided to get outside. Before I left, I noticed that my belt was pretty frayed. I remember saying to myself, 'hey, this is pretty frayed.' Then, I pulled on it to test its strength and it broke. Not being a clothes horse, that was the only belt I have. And I happen to be one of those guys that wears a belt because if I don't...moon over Hoboken. Anyway, I'm walking to my car because now I'm going belt shopping. I have to keep my hands in my pockets or my pants will fall down. I'm walking up the street with both hands in my pockets, I look like a total pervert.

I make it to the store, find a belt, rip off the upc code, give it to the cashier and put the belt on. Whew! I've never had a belt emergency before. After that, I picked up some shoes. New Balance 470, size 12 4E, $39.99 -- the best deal going! These are my 3rd pair. My 1st pair got funkified in the great flood of Hoboken, my second pair has holes, thus the upgrade.

I went to Target to buy some laptop screen cleaner. I couldn't find any, I'm not even sure they make such a thing. Then it hit me, I can use my eyeglass cleaner. That did the trick. If you're still reading this, chances are, you had a worse weekend that I did, ha ha!

I cleaned my apartment Sunday night. I even cleaned the carpet. I used a carpet deodorizer, Mountain Stream my ass, it smells like a French whore in here! Live and learn.

That's it! Happy Birthday to longtime bobborden.com reader, Steve Young!

Stay beautiful,

Bob

(This bobcast is gone but there's a new one every friday)

Best,

Bob

Yesterday's diary got 8 'comments!' That's crazy considering I called it in...expect more lists, ha ha. But I have a good reason for my "day off," I was preparing for another role on Guiding Light. They asked me back and I spent yesterday on their set. I had such an amazing experience, I felt like a real actor and now that I think about it, I was acting...crazy. I don't want to talk about it anymore than that (I don't want to jinx it), It's not going to air until September, we (Late Show) may air it before, I'll keep you posted.

As for the rest of today's diary, here's what's going to happen: Interesting observation followed by another interesting observation and then I'm going to close things with an AMAZING NEW FEATURE to bobborden.com.

Interesting observation #1. Holy crap, the humidity is back! I walked across Manhattan last night and they almost had to scrape me off the sidewalk. This summer's been crazy and don't blame it on global warming. Take it from me, no one knows what the hell they're talking about. Can't it just be hot without all the doom and gloom?! Something to think about.

Interesting observation #2. How great is fruit salad? That's how fruit should come...can I get a witness?! I don't think I'm alone when I say that taking the peel off a grapefruit is as much fun as watching paint dry. Skinless fruit, that's what I want! Are you listening Madison Avenue fat cats...ARE YOU LISTENING?!

Time for a BRAND NEW FEATURE to bobborden.com, I call it: MYSTERY BRIEFCASE. I'm walking home last night in Hoboken, I'm on cloud 9 from a good day of acting and I pass a briefcase sitting on the sidewalk. It's by the trash but it's not in the trash. I passed it up because I thought I heard people behind me, I didn't want anyone to see me take this item (this trash). I get to the end of the block, the people went another way, I walked back and got the case. What mysteries does this case hold? Are you getting excited?

MYSTERY BRIEFCASE

I get it home and notice it has an insignia on top, it reads: New York City Police Department, DEA. Holy crap, I thought to myself, this could have piles of money that haven't made it into the evidence room yet, maybe it has hand cuffs or perhaps, a kilo of yeyo (cocaine). Excited as a little school girl, I open the case and see...

Nothing!

Darn! But damn that was fun. I'll give the case, it's in great shape by the way, to my brother or nephews. Thanks for playing MYSTERY BRIEFCASE...tell your friends.

That's it! Have a great day.

All my best,

Bob

What's the quickest way I can write today's diary? I know; Lists!

Things Tivo records for me without asking me: The Parkers, TRL, Jackie Chan Adventures and Kim Possible

Most-listened to songs on my ipod: Kings of Leon's The Bucket - 47 times, The Concretes' You Can't Hurry Love - 29 times, Anthrax's Panic - 22 times

Least-listened to songs on my ipod: Jim Neighbors' Impossible Dream

Number of cars I've owned since 1999: 5

Number of cars I've owned since 1999 that have been destroyed by bowling balls: 2

Women who have loved me as much as I've loved them: 0

Hey, they can't all be funny!

Things I just don't get: R. Kelly's The Closet, Rap Feuds, Statues that move, that Palmeiro guy

Things I get: Not having time to write a real diary

Cool magazine my friend Tom gave me that you should check out: Paste Magazine (music and culture)

Cool Magazine!

Interesting thought/question: Are there more women teachers having sex with their students or male teachers? The media is telling me it happens more with women teachers.

Question that every man is asking himself when hearing about hot teachers having sex with students: Where were these teachers when I was in school!?

Best album I downloaded in the last five seconds: Brian Setzer's Rockabilly Riot, Vol. 1: A Tribute to Sun Records

Brian Setzer

Odds that tomorrow's diary will be better than this one: Pretty good

Friends I have in England: 3

Late Show Birthday's for Aug 3rd, 2005: Joe Grossman!

Best way for me to sign off: That's it!

Best,

Bob

I forgot to mention that over the weekend, I also watched Harold & Kumar go to White Castle. Walter told me it was just one of those silly movies but has a few really good parts.

Funny

And I have to agree...I was surprised, it just seemed smarter than these types of flicks usually are. Plus, they lived in Hoboken! Check it out if you need a few good laughs.

Other news...Oh my, did you see the season finale of Hell's Kitchen last night? That guy is good, very entertaining to watch. I'd talk about who won and all that crap but I missed most of the season due to lack of DirecTV, so I don't know the names. The other show I caught is Celebrity Fit Club 2, wow...so far so good, there were a couple of meltdowns this week that were just crazy to watch. Good TV to waste your life, ha ha.

So, that's all I have today. I got out of work late so my 'chill time' is at a premium.

Shoutout to Larry, who was the only person to post a message yesterday!

Have a great day!

Best,

Bob

Friday at work, they put a DirecTV/Tivo unit in my office! It's not for me, it's for the whole floor but I was pretty excited nonetheless. One of the set-up screens had an odd message:

Waming!

Ha ha, what the hell is a 'waming?!' Oh DirecTV, you've done it again.

Friday night, I passed one of those bag checkpoints before I got to the bus, I didn't get selected but it was still weird to walk by the men with big guns. Anyway, dinner alone, TV and bed...well actually, sofa...I fell asleep on it again.

Saturday I woke up at 6 AM, went to bed, woke up at 11 AM, a double wake up, something to be said about that. I watched Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry and it turned out to be one of those films that was better than I remembered. So good! Peter Fonda is the sh@t! I drove over to Jersey City to do my laundry, A & P, the usual stuff. When I got home, I had some dinner and then turned my desk (this stupid metal Ikea thing, it's huge) into a TV stand. I'm not a fan of using the desk with a laptop so I lowered the desk and the top shelf and now it fits my needs. And the less clutter, the better. I started watching the film Dead Man but then decided to go to bed.

Sunday I woke up around 10:00. I chilled for a while and then went out to do some shopping. I need a new vacuum cleaner but I couldn't find one I liked. I headed over to Wal-Mart, I was looking for a big bin to put my DVDs in. I found a good one and got the hell out of there, it was CRAZY! Too many people for Bobby.

I loved driving around in the new ride, damn, so lucky to have it, I feel like a king! It now has 60 miles.

That's about it, I cleaned, talked on the phone, searched the internet, the usual Sunday night stuff.

This weekend was a quick one. Have a great day. Hey, there's 31 days in July...wow, it's the 1st of August already. Hell's Kitchen season finale tonight! I'm glad I have DirecTV at home again!

Best,

Bob