Hello Tuesday! I have voicemail for the home! No more phone machine crap! However, this last piece of crap wasn’t without its charm. One micro-cassette did it all but not very well. When I bought it from the dude at Radio Shack, he told me that the remote code was printed on the box. I was half listening to the guy and when I checked out the box on the bus ride home, the code was 1-2-3. Can you believe it?! Thanks for the high security Radio Shack! But seriously, what do I expect for a twenty-dollar phone machine, ha ha.

Bob’s phone problems

are over!

I want to thank everyone for responding to my call for photos yesterday. I asked people to send in their photos, any photos, and I’ll make that my Photo of the Day! Today’s Photo of the Day comes from Mary Higgins of Santa Fe Springs, California. Mary is shown opening up a lovely glass ball. Mary writes:

“Hi Bob. I’m a long-time reader and a first time e-mailer. Here’s a photo of me from Mother’s Day. I hope you can feature it on your site. In the photo I was opening up some crap gift from my poor excuse for a son. The sum bitch has more money that God and this is the best he can do? Oh well. Thanks for making our lives a little better Bob.”

Thanks, Mary. You seem like quite the special lady.

Now that I have my landlines figured out, I may call and get my wireless phone worked out. I want one of those phones that plays some wacky song. I don’t want to play games anymore, just a wacky ringer. I’m trying to make my life a little simpler. Get the land phone and the cell all on one bill, buy a car that won’t get broken into and if I’m lucky, fall in love. Not necessarily in that order.

I’m going to see the Matrix Thursday night! I’m really looking forward to it. There’s a 14-minute car chase – 14 minutes! I can’t do anything for 14 minutes! Damn CGI.

I talked to my TV last night. I said, “Lawn-mower racing? Come-on!?”

That’s all I got!

Always,

Bob

Hi. In Friday’s diary I asked the question, ‘Do they still make Screamin’ Yellow Zonkers?’ to which no one responded. Then at the end of the day, my brother sent me a link where you can buy them! Holy crap! Before I knew it, I was placing an order but here’s the catch: They have a minimum $20 purchase before they’ll ship. I ended up buying 10boxes of Screaming Yellow Zonkers, 20 Lotsa Fizz,1 Mallo Cup, 1 Pop Rocks, 2 Zagnut bars and 1 box of King Vitamin cereal. Needless to say, I’ll be sharing with friends – except for the Zagnut bars. Anyway, that took me down memory lane. Thanks George, a box (or two) of Screaming Yellow Zonkers will be coming your way.

Soon, soon.


After work I played a
friendly game of cards with some friends. I was back in Hoboken around 10.

Saturday, I woke up around 10 and started planning out my first weekend without an automobile. The first order of the day was to figure out this voicemail situation. I ordered voicemail for the home well over a week ago and I haven’t heard anything! They said it’d be up and running within 5 business days. I called up the AT&T guy and told the guy my problem. He said, “I’m sorry, I ran your number through the system and I’m not seeing anything.” That’s odd, I told him. He asked for my full name, still nothing. Turns out, my phone service is with Verizon, OOPS! “Thank you sir, I’ll call back later.” Ha ha – I’m an idiot.

The second order of the day was to walk to my friend’s old apartment. Jeff left Hoboken for sunny Los Angeles about 4 or 5 years ago and left a heavy box with his old roommate. I’ve been promising to send Jeff the box for years! But for one reason or another never got around to it. I ran into Mike, Jeff’s old roommate, last week and it just occurred to me that once and for all, I should complete the circle. I got to Mike’s place, repackaged the box into a more secure box, taped it up and walked it two blocks to the UPS place. I was sweating by the time I got there. I know I’m out of shape but damn. Well, the damn box weighed 40lbs! I don’t think I’ve ever shipped a 40-pound box to anyone before! I’m a damn good friend if I do say so myself.

That felt good to get that over with! After that, I walked to the Hoboken A & P. I shopped very carefully because whatever I bought, I’d have to walk it home too, damn. I miss not having wheels! I have to say, it wasn’t that bad at all. But I do feel like such a commoner WALKING with the regular folk. On the way back, I ran into the AMC that’s for sale. $3000, I don’t think so. A few steps beyond that I saw a 1997 Ford Escort for $2500, Hmmmmmm. That seems to be up my alley but I’m sure I can buy a 1997 Ford Escort for $2500 anywhere. I’ll resist the temptation to call, for now.

I forgot to mention that I did all this on Saturday and I didn’t even take a shower. That’s so unlike me but I figured moving the box would make me dirty again, I was right, ha ha. I forgot to shave last week and by Saturday, I was starting to itch like crazy. It felt soooo good to shave that off! Freshly shaved and showered, I walked two blocks to do my laundry. I saw yet another car for sale! But it wasn’t for me. I did my laundry, went home, cooked up a pork chop, turned on the tube and called it a night.

Sunday I woke up around 10 and turned on the tube. I was thinking about seeing X2. After flipping the channels, I stumbled upon Back to the Future 2. I enjoyed that. Then, I started cleaning my apartment. After that, I watched the Wilco Documentary, I Am Trying to Break Your Heart. It was really, really good! The record companies suck! Always thinking about the bottom-line, what about the artist?! If you come across it in the old electronics store, I recommend you buy it.

I took a shower and was going to go outside to get some Chinese food for dinner. But something just came over me and I didn’t feel like going out. I had a pork chop in the fridge so I cooked it up. I was in an experimental mood and tried something different. I baked it with a sliced apple and some mustard. It was pretty good! More TV, talked on the phone and cleaned up the kitchen again. That was my weekend. It seemed really short for some reason.

That’s it! Have a great day!

God Bless America.

I had a crazy-busy day yesterday! For lunch I ended up eating two giant Slim Jim’s and a Sprite. Not good! But damn if I don’t love a Slim Jim! SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM! Ha ha! Do they still make Screamin’ Yellow Zonkers?

I finally remembered to buy paper plates last night. They had the plates on top of the refrigeration units in the back. I couldn’t reach them and I had to ask the store guy for help. How emasculating! He had to get a ladder to reach them. That was my only saving grace. I can’t reach them but neither can the store guy, look, he needs a ladder, see, I’m not a helpless person!

Did you hear about the Pringles plant that was damaged by tornados this week? It’s the only plant in America that makes Pringles. I don’t mind telling you that over the past couple of years, I’ve become addicted to them. Am I worried about the supply drying up? You better believe I am! I bought a can last night and after every bite, I thought to myself, this could be my last Pringle for a while. Oh these are crazy times! I’ll be following this story closely. (Disclaimer: BobBorden.com is making light of the situation but feels for the people dealing with the disastrous storms.) Maybe this is some strange sign from the Lord that my fat ass should lay off the junkfood?

Why now?

There’s a city council election next week. Flyers, mass mailings and people everywhere. I even saw a big screen TV on the back of a truck to get the word out – classy. The worst was a fake summons placed on car windshields. Yes, it really got my attention but your message was lost! Idiots. I choose not to vote in the local elections simply because I think everybody’s on the take. I don’t trust Hoboken politics.

The car that I saw for sale from the bus yesterday was gone when I went to check it out last night. I’d call that an omen.

I watch QVC more than I care to admit. Have you ever listened to the people that call in and give their product testimonials? Oh my, I’d say about 80% of the people sound like they’re one step away fromsuicide. Some lady called in last night on the steaks, said she was buying them for her daughter that has kidney problems. But she sounded so joyless. I wonder if she’ll tell her daughter about being on TV? What do you say? “Stacy, I was on QVC last night and I talked about your kidney problems.” Nice.

I’m gearing up for my first weekend without a car. No pun intended. Laundry, I’m OK with. But the A & P seems like it’s more challenging. Will I have to make more than one trip? Should I go early in the day? Will kitty liter be on sale? I have a lot of questions but few answers. I’ll be fine.

Sunday is Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to the best Mom in the world, my Mom! I don’t want to brag but I sent her some lovely tulips. I had to do something nice this year to make up for last year’s scratch-off lotto ticket debacle, ha ha. Have a great day, sweets!

I’m going to see X-2 this weekend. It’s not my type of movie but everyone says it’s great – we’ll see.

That’s it! Have a great weekend!

God Bless America.

Busy, yet fulfilling day at work yesterday. I keep forgetting to buy paper plates! I’ve been paper plate-less for going on two weeks now. Throughout the day yesterday, I remembered that I had to buy them about twice, then I get home and I still don’t have any plates! I use them for my cat’s wet food. I’ve been forced to use the good china. By the end of the week, all those dishes add up. You’re probably saying, good, use real plates, it’s better for the environment. And to you I say this: horse turds. Let the great minds of our time worry about recycling; I got a life to live! You could also say: gross, he feeds his cats on his good china? And to you I say this: they’re like my children, would you rather I let them STARVE?! Damn memory!

I saw a car for sale on the way to work yesterday; it kind of got the blood boiling again. But I think it’s a 70’s car and that seems like it’s way too old. It’s an AMC Javelin. Here’s the car but not the exact car:

Too old for me to

buy, right?

I didn’t get to read the for sale sign. But I’ve seen the old man that drives it, he’s usually cleaning it off after a rainfall. Oh well. I think I’m going to find an old lady car back in Ohio. I have a theory that old lady cars from Ohio have less wear. Enough about cars – I wonder what I’ll do this weekend without one?

I broke my intern’s glasses yesterday! I was so pissed at myself. I can’t get into the exact details but Matt took my plastic cat, Boz. I freaked out, he ended up in a bear hug and then I accidentally stepped on his glasses. OK, I guess I can get into the exact details. But I don’t shoulder the blame myself as Matt was told to remove the cat from my desk by someone that I can’t name. It just goes to show you where monkeyshines will get you. Sorry, Matt.

I miss using tokens on the subway. The damn Metro cards are soulless! No character. They also jacked up the fare form $1.50 to $2.00! Bloomberg!

Damn AT&T, I ordered voicemail for my phone over a week ago and I haven’t heard a damn thing! They said they were going to send me a letter with my password. I don’t have the letter! Where’s the letter AT&T? WHERE IS IT!? Why does everything have to be a deal? Wake up, flip the switch and give me my damn voicemail!

Have you seen those commercials for Sheraton Hotels? Oh my GOD! They’re awful! But, they did get me to say ‘Sheraton Hotels’ on my website.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH — DAMN corporate America! You win again! But seriously, they’re awful.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed today’s diary, as it was my last.

JK, see you tomorrow.

Always,

Bob

Hello. I’m feeling good! Life is good! I ran into my mechanic on the way home last night, he was also going home. He said, “You’re coming home and I’m leaving work.” And I replied, “And tomorrow, I’m going to work and you’ll be back at work.” Now that I think about it, the whole exchange didn’t make any sense. But it’s always nice to exchange pleasantries. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the car he just did an oil change on a week ago, fell victim to bowling balls being dropped off a 7-story building. Speaking of bowling balls, here’s a few more photos:

Destruction is fun!

My boss, Justin, took those photos. He also took today’s POD. Thanks, Justin. In today’s POD you can clearly see my new, self-styled, haircut. It’s short but I’m happy with it. And the ladies really seem to dig it. (Two things wrong with that last sentence: #1, I lied about the ladies and #2, who says, “dig it” anymore?)

Time for a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it: Bob Borden of BobBorden.com asks; What’s going on with Metallica? OK, here we go: What’s going on with Metallica? And that was Bob Borden of BobBorden.com asks; What’s going on with Metallica? Thank you, thank you very much.

I got my new Speed Racer DVD yesterday. Damn that opens up the floodgate of childhood memories! I love it! I’m going to watch all 11 episodes this weekend. Unless I have a hot date – I’ll give my full review of the DVD on Monday, ha ha.

That’s it!

God Bless America.