I want one of those UN inspector trucks. Those things are sweet! Although the looks I’d get from people probably wouldn’t be worth it. Once again society is preventing me from doing something I want to do – Damn society!

It’s Thanksgiving Eve, if I can call it that. I hope everyone has a great one and I hope all your travels are safe. I’ll be here tomorrow. We work on Thanksgiving. I think this is my eighth Thanksgiving away from home. 7 or 8, something like that. We put the show on, a lovely meal is brought in and then we go home. It’s really kind of cool. I can stick my head out the window and watch the Macy’s Day Parade head down Broadway. The last few years, I drove my car in. I think I’m going to break tradition this year. I just have a vibe that’s telling me to take the subway.

I was really on the fence last night. I wasn’t sure if I should check out The Osbournes. They’re just so overexposed, if there is such a term anymore. I didn’t watch it. I decided to do a little self-introspection. OK, I played GameCube. I didn’t learn a lot about myself but I didn’t buy into the corporate Osbourne PR machine either. I’ll check it out this weekend; MTV repeats everything 100 times anyway.

That last paragraph was brought to you by one of my new characters, Redundant Bob. Personally, I think Redundant Bob is a jerk.

I saw a report yesterday on the number of websites out there that beg for money. I thought to myself, what kind of desperate people are out there? Let’s say I had a rich reader checking out BobBorden.com. I’d never, oh, say, ask for a Tivo – that’s so beneath me. Whatever happened to thegreat American work ethic?! OK, I’ve made my point — enough said.

I need a haircut. Just a trim, nothing major. But every time I go to SuperCuts and no matter how little I ask them to take off, they always take off the same amount. Hey, did you know that a Tivo can pause live TV? Huh. Anyway, back to my hair. So, I may just trim a little around my ears and call it a haircut. You can record like 60 hours with a Tivo. That’s cool. I’m getting to the stage where I have to tell the barber to cut around the bald spot. It’s not bald yet, just very, very thin. Fat, going bald and poor – that’s what I call the triple threat! Hello ladies. Screw it, somebody buy me a Tivo!

Whew, I went a long way for that one! The only saving grace is knowing that the whole world is probably on vacation today. No one’s reading this. I can say anything I want! I’m free, FREE!!!!!!!!! I want that new Honda Element. That looks like a cool little truck. They probably want you to pay for it with money. There’s the catch!

This is a photo of the

above paragraphs

OK, that’s it for me. I’ll be here on Thanksgiving. God Bless America.
I like Jazz.

I’ll tell you what I did last night; I got home, hit the showers and watched Monday Night Football. This Fantasy League I’m in has changed my life! And damn if that shower didn’t feel great!

I don’t know the names of all the plays and I don’t know the names of all the teams/players but I still like it. I still laugh when I see a crowd shot of some guys holding up a “D” and a paper fence. Again, in high school, I was in the band.

I don’t have anything new to talk about. So, I’m going to end it here.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

PS Mom, I don’t want to hear about this. Sometimes I just don’t have anything to write about. Stay sweet.

Hello. First up today, congratulations to Zach! Zach won my karaoke CD giveaway from Friday. Zach, send me your address and my greatest hits will be in the mail today. People really do win on BobBorden.com!

Friday night! I didn’t do much. Picked up some Mexican food and enjoyed some TV. I was shocked by one event Friday night. My cat Billy usually sleeps on top of the kitchen cabinets – that’s his spot. I hung up the phone and happened to glance over, they were both up there. Evelyn never hangs out up there, never!

Evelyn takes one giant

step into Billy’s territory

I felt like the proud papa. Sometimes it feels like
Wild Kingdom around here.

Saturday, I kicked around the house until 4. I was just relaxing. Then, I got the urge to do my laundry. I headed off to Nutley to my favorite laundry mat but the traffic was just too much. I turned around and headed to Jersey City. I don’t like the Jersey City laundry mat but it’s next to the A & P, so at least I can get my shopping done while my clothes are washing. I put my clothes in, then detergent and then the bleach. As soon as I put in the bleach, my heart sank. Holy crap, I put the bleach in with the colors! That’s such a rookie mistake — I was mortified! Quickly, I took everything out of the machine but the damage was done.


Bob ruined his clothes


I lost two great shirts, some pants, a few towels and underwear. I just bought the jeans a month ago! I was so defeated. I got home and added my newly bleached items to my “play clothes” drawer.
Damn Damn Damn.

I watched The Royal Tenenbaums, cooked up a steak and washed away my bad experience with Diet Sprite and potato chips.

Sunday, I woke up around 11 and got ready for football. This fantasy league I’m in has really made it more interesting for me. I watched the Jets game. Around 4 I got a shower. The plan was to go outside and walk around. I never made it but I am glad I got a shower. I wish my apartment had a tub – sometimes I just feel like a bath. The Sopranos was uneventful. They can’t all be winners. And no more Curb Your Enthusiasm – Darn.

I watched ‘Like Father, Like Son’ on Sunday also. And that brings us to today’s Question of the Day. Which switch-a-ro film did you like best – Like Father, Like Son or Vice Versa? I’m not including 18 Again in that question because that film was horrible. My vote is for Vice Versa. Let me know on my message board.

That’s it. Have a great day.

God Bless America.

Hello. I’ve been very encouraged by all the message board activity this week. Thanks to everybody for adding your two cents. Well, it’s Friday, I made it through another week. I’m looking forward to a very low-key weekend of sleep, relaxing and hanging with friends or anyone that wants to hang out, ha ha.

I don’t mean to tell two bus stories back to back but when they happen, they happen. I was riding on the bus last night and two people said my pet peeve again. They got on their phones and said, “I’m in the tunnel, and I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” If I were on the receiving end of a phone call like that, my response would be, “You called me just to say that?!” Anyway, sitting one seat away from me was a very lovely Asian woman. She was talking on her cell phone. Her phone was hooked up to one of those wire headsets. Allow me to demonstrate:

Bob demonstrates proper cell

phone etiquette

She had the mic close to her mouth and I couldn’t hear a damn thing she was saying! I LOVE THIS WOMAN!
That’s class, pure and simple.

I was going to talk about something else and darn if I didn’t forget. Damn! I avoided a cold this week. I felt like crap on Wednesday. I asked my friend Lee for some vitamin C – his office is like a drugstore. He gave me this huge multi vitamin horse pill. This is gross but it changed the color of my urine for the whole day. That’s pretty much the end of that story. I should erase that; ah screw it. Like you never took a pill that changed the color of your urine? Prudes.

I’m coming up on my third year of making Christmas CDs for my friends and family. I was looking through my CDs last night and stumbled on my first project, Bob Borden Live From The German Beer Garden. It’s a karaoke CD. The song list is: Should I stay or should I go, Close to you, You’re the one that I want, Dancing queen, Rave on, Eye of the tiger, Everything I do, Jailhouse rock, Uptown girl and an original studio track, 500 Hot. I’m going to give it away to one lucky BobBorden.com reader.

Win Bob’s karaoke CD!!!!


If you spotted the mistake I purposely made in today’s diary, tell me about it on my message board and you’ll automatically be entered to win this very limited edition CD. I reserve the right to cancel multiple entries, so play nice. Entries must be received by the end of today. The winner will be announced in Monday’s diary.
Only one person can win, to the losers, some advice – be nice to the winner, maybe he/she will make a copy of it for you?

That’s it! Have a great weekend! God Bless America.

I must apologize for the last two days of diaries. I let myself down, I let my fans down and I let my Mom down. No kidding, my Mom! I got an IM yesterday from her: “That wasn’t even worth logging on for.” Wow, thanks Mom! To make up for my misgivings, you’re in for a treat today. Today, I’m going to write the diary with a British accent. So, join me for what I promise will be the best diary this week.

Sweet Lord, I had such a horrible bus ride home last night. No traffic, it was a straight shot through the tunnel. The people around me just drove me nuts. The bus was not ventilated. I don’t need air conditioning, just a little fresh air. Smelling a bus full of stale cologne is enough to make me sick. Four, count ‘em, four people made cell phone calls to their significant others with the exact same message, “I’m on the bus, I’ll be home in 5 minutes.” That drives me crazy! What did these people do before cell phones?! As far as I’m concerned, that’s cell phone abuse. I know I’ve talked about that before but these people just don’t seem to care about others around them. I’m really looking forward to the stage in my life when I’m not dependant on public transportation to survive.

I went to the CD store last night. I was looking for a couple of old CDs; they didn’t have them. I found a used Rollins Band live CD. It’s $17 new; I got it for $10. Just what the doctor ordered to knock out some pent up stress/anger. I also picked up a used CD from a new band, Loudermilk. The jury is still out on that purchase. I bought it mostly because they used to be a Guns ‘n Roses cover band. I heard that Slash and the other members of Guns are getting back together to record a record – minus Axl, of course. That’d be great! Slash is a great guitarist. And that’s it for music news, ha ha.

I think I’m getting a cold. My throat felt a little funny yesterday. It went away throughout the day but then I started feeling lightheaded. Note to my Mom – yes, I’m taking vitamins and getting plenty of rest. Damn colds!

I’ve been talking about driving up North for about a month to check out the fall foliage. When I was walking back from the record store I noticed several trees without leaves. I think I missed nature’s fireworks. I also missed that damn meteor shower the other day. I need to start picking up on the little joys of life. I’m deep into the work, sleep, work, sleep rut right now. DEEP!

I feel good about today’s diary. I even made a little outline to follow so it wouldn’t suck today.

Bob wrote an outline for today’s

diary (he tried today, he really tried!)

OK! That’s it! Have a great Thursday.

God Bless America.