And now, Master Storyteller, Bob Borden of presents: Today’s diary. It’s too hot to sleep! The balmy air hovers over my bed like my sweet imaginary girlfriend. ‘Who’s there?’ I ask as I wake in a pool of my own sweat. ‘Why are you wearing a fencing outfit?’ No answer. ‘Who sent you?’ No answer. ‘Hey, did you see my new DVD Tower, pretty sweet huh?’ The silence mocks me. Dawn breaks as the city awakes. The new day’s possibilities
are _____.

Oh sweet creative writing. I took a long walk home last night to celebrate the 80-degree weather and here’s what I learned: Bobby needs to go on a diet! Fat guys and heat do not mix well! Seriously, I’m days away from 100% dedicating my life to health and fitness. Eating crap and not working out isn’t really working for me.

Now it’s time for Bob Borden of Comments on the News of the Day. I was on the PATH train last night and when we came to a stop, I noticed that someone had defaced a Pontiac VIBE advertisement. They drew in smoke plumes behind the car and on the front, they wrote, “Pollution rules”. I thought to myself, nice, an environmental graffiti “artist” – what is this world coming to?! I get home and I looked up this so-called pollution machine and it gets 29-mpg city and 36-mpg highway. What’s wrong with that? Back in high school my 1977 Buick LeSabre only got 14 mpg. If he/she would have defaced an SUV ad, I could almost understand her point but the Pontiac VIBE?Your argument doesn’t hold water.

Bob likes the


So to the uninformed environmental graffiti artist I say this to you: Go screw yourself. Strong words, strong topic. And that was Bob Borden of Comments on the News of the Day.

It’s going to be 42 degrees on Thursday. This weather sure is jerking my chain. I was chilly at the bus stop yesterday, probably because it was 45 degrees and I was only wearing a short-sleeve shirt. Everyone else was wearing jackets. I stuck out like a turd in a punchbowl. But come 7:30, with the temp up to 80 and everybody’s walking around carrying their jackets like suckers — now who looks stupid!?

Hmmmmmm, I’m not sure what my point was supposed to be in that last paragraph. But it sure does fill out this diary nicely.

That’s it!

God Bless America.

SWEET LORD is my apartment hot right now! 60 degrees outside and the radiator thinks it’s 20 degrees. Damn radiators! Bobby don’t like the heat!

And now it’s time for a new feature to I call it: Bob Borden of Comments on the News of the Day. Today’s topic: SARS. Ever since this SARS thing started up I’ve been very careful of my surroundings. I can’t believe how many ignorant slobs are walking around. The guy on the bus sneezing without covering his mouth, the girl in the laundry mat coughing up a lung and mouth breathers, don’t forget about the mouth breathers! If this thing hits America, we’re in trouble. And that was Bob Borden of Comments on the News of the Day, tell your friends.

I made a new purchase last night in the Port Authority. I bought a DVD TOWER. It holds 50 DVDs and it’s made out of a durable black plastic. At $16.95, the price was right! And my cats like playing in the empty box. However, the selling point for me was on the box. On the box they had The Great Escape as one of the example DVDs in the DVD TOWER – I HAVE THE GREAT ESCAPE ON DVD! — Don’t you see — it’s kismet! KISMET! I love the damn thing, best $16.95 I’ve ever spent. I’m doing all future shopping in the bus station. I love saying DVD TOWER! DVD TOWER! — Say it, it’s fun!

Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much.

God Bless America.


Hello. My weekend got off to a pretty good start. My bosses, Justin and Eric, took the writers out to a very lovely dinner. Gallagher’s Steak House, damn that was some good eating! Here’s a photo:

Bob likes


I like a steak house where the meat is on display; you know they’re not trying to hide anything. Big thanks to Eric and Justin for hooking me up! After that I headed home and played The Legend of Zelda. I got stuck in some cavern and it was driving me crazy! Thank goodness I was able to turn it off and get some sleep.

Saturday I woke up around 11 and took care of my laundry and shopping. I like getting that stuff out of the way, frees up my weekend.

Saturday night, nothing major. Some TV, some games and some phone calls. Around 2am I went to bed. But the building next to mine was having a party. That means drunken people on their balcony talking, laughing and screaming. That also means that I can’t get to sleep! It was awful. I went to my front room to crash but it was louder out there. I put in earplugs but then I was keeping myself up, it was too quiet. I was going to say something out my window but that would have just got my blood boiling. Surprisingly, I was calm throughout this mess. I’m not going to become Old Man Borden just because some people (ignorant people) want to have a party. Now for the odd part of this story — in order to get some quiet, I had to sleep in my bathroom. Yes, in my bathroom. It wasn’t that bad. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Sunday I woke up around 10, got in the shower and headed over to Manhattan to play some PS2 with Walter. Nicest day of the year and we played games. However, I did feel like I got in some exercise because of the walk to the train, ha ha. We got in some pretty spirited games of Madden 2003. When I got back to Hoboken I ran into my friend Tiffany and her friend at an outdoor café. They asked me to join them but I declined. I think after I told them that I slept in my bathroom they could sense that I was somewhat out of it.

I’m so tired!

That’s it!

God Bless America.

Friday, am I right? Yesterday felt like Spring to me, a little chilly but very Spring-like. Is ‘Spring’ capitalized? Who knows? I’ll capitalize it in the opening paragraph and then lower-case it for the rest of the diary. That seems about right. A lot of questions in this opening paragraph; not a good sign of things to come.

Besides the nice weather, it felt like spring yesterday because I gathered all my office socks and took them home where they belong. It’s my own little passage of spring. You see, throughout the winter when my socks got wet due to snow/rain I’d always bring in an extra pair. Well, these things build up over time. Take a look:

Bag ‘O Socks

I felt quite popular on the bus last night carrying around a bag of socks. Thank God I didn’t meet the woman of my dreams! “Here’s what I remember about meeting Bob for the first time, he was carrying a bag of socks.” That would be my imaginary girlfriend talking about how we met; my sweet imaginary girlfriend. SIGH!!!!!

I started listening to music on the bus again. I can’t stand listening to cell phones and mindless chit-chat anymore, life’s too short to subject myself to that. Instead, I choose to listen to RUSH. I believe the human race falls into two categories: those that love Rush and those that don’t. Halfway through the tunnel and Subdivisions came on. Fantastic! We pulled into the station just as the song ended – it was a glorious moment. GLORIOUS!!!!!

I don’t know if there’s anything left but I’ll probably check out the going out of business sale at The Wiz again this weekend. I just feel like I HAVE to go. That would make it four weekends in a row I went to The Wiz — makes you think. ? Also, I feel like going for a drive. Nothing crazy, I just want to see some trees. The concrete jungle is getting to me!

And that brings us to the end of today’s diary and to the end of the week. Have a great weekend! Tell a friend about!

All my best,


Program note: today’s diary is NOT GOING TO BE GOOD!

I was so busy yesterday; I forgot to observe life around me. I don’t even have a good photo to put into today’s diary. I just thought of something funny. I’ll steal a photo from Carl’s website (Carl: Frequent contributor to my message board). Here’s the stolen photo:

Stolen photo

I enjoyed that. I have larceny in the veins! I played the lotto Tuesday night and while I was walking to work Monday morning, I noticed that the jackpot was up. I didn’t even get the satisfaction of checking my numbers to see if I won. Bastards.

If I were to buy a new car today here’s what I’d consider:

Mini by BMW. Yes, they’re small, pricey and I probably couldn’t fit inside but still, I find them irresistible.
New Beetle by VW. I loved the old Beetles. I still like this new design very much.
Element by Honda. Honda’s car for the 20 somethings but this thirty something thinks they’re bitchin.

But alas, I don’t make new car money. I make, time for a new air freshener for the ’89 Nissan, money. Life is cruel.

OK, that’s it! Time for Bobby to get in some Legend of Zelda time! There’s a damn magic potion for everything!

God Bless America.

Bye bye Saddam, ya crazy bastard!