I saw a report on CNN yesterday about how bad ice cream is for you. Well, by the time I got home, I wanted some ice cream so bad; it wasn’t even funny. Thanks a lot CNN! I bought some Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great but would it kill ‘em to just put out some plain strawberry ice cream? Sometimes I like my ice cream without all the crap! I sense a letter writing campaign in my future. OK, time to get into the D ZONE!

First order of business today is to give a shoutout to my friend Pam from Queens. Pam writes:

Dear Bob,

I love bobborden.com and really love the new energy brought on by the all-new D ZONE! Will you offer memberships in the near future? My hot girlfriends and I really want D ZONE fever to catch on. Thanks, Bob.

Pam

Pam asked for it and she got it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first member of the D ZONE:

D ZONE member

#00001

Congratulations, Pam!

In other news, there were two flies in my apartment last night. I think they sought refuge in my screen and pushed their way in. I killed one but the other one remained at large for quite some time. The point of this story is that my cats dropped the ball. Flies shouldn’t be anywhere near my apartment with them around. I walked in and they just calmly walked to the front door to greet me, they were oblivious to the situation at hand! I guess I can see their side of things; they did just wake up after a day-long nap. I wish I could spend all day sleeping and licking myself. Hmmmmm, that didn’t sound right. I have to toughen these cats up, there’s no free ride in the Borden household. I may look into kitty boot camp if things don’t improve.

I really like all the TV shows where “celebrities” make cute comments about decades or other stars. What garbage! VH1 is particularly guilty of this. If you’re a celebrity and you find yourself on a TV show talking about other celebrities, you should give your agent a call. The E! Network has started airing these shows about celebrity photographers. Don’t they worry that they’re biting the hand that feeds them? As a student of television, I’m just thinking out loud.

I bought a Creedence Clearwater Revival CD this past weekend — it’s darn good! It’s called Cosmo’s Factory. I’ve only owned their greatest hits collections up to this point. It’s interesting hearing the non-greatest hits. I may buy all their other stuff too. They put out five records in two years! By today’s standards, that’s insane. I’m guessing that their hectic workload was only part of the story of how they brokeup, again, only guessing. I don’t know a lot about them. I think John Fogerty’s brother sued John because he sounded too much like himself. Crazy.

OK, that’s it for Thursday!

Stay gold,

Bob

I’d like to start off the diary with an apology. To the people sitting behind me on the bus last night, please excuse me; neck sweat is very hard to control. OK, time to get into the D ZONE!

D ZONE‘ is how the kids refer to my diary on the streets, well, I should say that’s how the cool kids refer to my diary. YES, take that NERDS!

I love that our troops nailed Uday and Qusay Hussein yesterday. Maybe the Iraqis can change their country around with this uplifting news. I will say that it’s sad that it had to come to this. I guess I’m just remembering the good old days.

Uday, Bob and Qusay

during better times

Oh well, see you in hell ya crazy bastards!

And Jessica Lynch returned home yesterday. She downplayed all the attention very well. I would describe her as classy; she’s very, very lucky.

OK and that was Bob’s Newsbeat for July 23, 2003. Next up, the weather, ha ha.

Maybe I should talk about the weather? 100% humidity is no way to go through the summer. Humidity just does me in, it’s awful! Comma Use (Consider revising) – Thanks Microsoft Word!

I got home last night, turned on the tube and there was a show on rebuilding a riding lawnmower engine. There truly is a show for everything now. Sadly, I watched every minute of it.

I think that’s all I have for today. Let me check my list:

Neck sweat
Uday
A hero’s welcome
Bad weather
Riding mower

That was kind of cool except NUABR doesn’t spell anything. Wait, it does spell URBAN but that doesn’t fit into anything. Darn. OK, that’s it!

All my best,

Bob

Another blank page looking me in the eye — intimidating, yet very sexy. I’d like to submit that opening for the worst opening line of the year.

Sweet Lord it’s HUMID! I’m sitting here stewing in my own juices. I don’t mix well with heat. I don’t know if this is a good time to mention this but I’m still single. Ladies? Hello. Hello? HELLO!!!!!!!!!!

I played the lotto last night. The older I get the more I seem to rely on the lottery for my retirement plans. Oh, don’t kid yourself, it’s a gamble but I figure somebody has to win it. Actually, I haven’t figured it all out yet. I’d just like to get some extra scratch in my account. I go to the same lottery place every week. Tonight he asked me if I was ready for a new life, “You ready for a new life buddy?” ha ha ha. “Hell yes!” was my answer. Then we said ‘God bless you’ to each other.

When I got home, I turned on the tube. Total Recall was on the dial. It just came on; it was kismet. But after T3 on Sunday and re-watching Terminator twice in the last two weeks, I’m on Arnold overload. So I kicked it over to Discovery.

Trivia question for no prize: What Arnold Schwarzenegger film stars Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa? Answer in tomorrow’s diary. That’s actually pretty easy. And no cheating! Damn Internet.

And now for a new segment to bobborden.com, I call it: Without Telling my Boss, Justin, I’m Going to Instant Message Him and See What Response I Get. Here we go:

Bob: Hey, what’s up!
Justin:

Ten minutes past and he didn’t write back. Damn! Well, I’m not sure what to do now? OK, that was Without Telling my Boss, Justin; I’m Going to Instant Message Him and See What Response I Get – Tell your friends.

That’s the diary for Tuesday.

Always,

Bob

My weekend started off on Friday night. Walter and I were going to go shopping at the Home Depot around 12am, they’re open 24 hours. Around 9:30, it started to rain. Then around 10:30 we touched base and decided that there was really no point. I hate it when a plan doesn’t come together but just this once, it felt like a smart move to forget about late night shopping for hardware.

Saturday I woke up around 9:00, the damn sun was shining into my eyeball like a Megatop Phoenix*(*Big Audio Dynamite album title, I don’t know why I used that, it just sounds cool). I probably could have slept until 11. I’ll never know. My breakfast was a 99-cent bottle of milk and some brownies. No matter how you look at it, that’s sweet living. I finished re-watching Buffalo ’66 and couldn’t help to notice that the end scene was similar to a scene in Boogie Nights. Both scenes take place in bakery/coffee shops and have similar dialogue. I looked online but I couldn’t find anything that connected those scenes. It was probably just a coincidence. That was my super-nerd moment of the day.

Around 12, I decided to go to the Home Depot. I enjoyed looking around. I was walking down the toilet aisle and walked past people I thought I recognized. I made eye contact with the girl but I got the all too familiar vibe of ‘why’s this big jerk looking at me‘ and I quickly turned away. I walked down the aisle a little more and it was really bugging me, I think I know these people. I turned around and said, “Excuse me, are you guys from Hoboken?” Then everything fell into place. It was Steve and Lis- I bought their car a few years back, the same car that was destroyed on Late Show a couple of months ago. Crazy! I haven’t seen them since we made the car transaction. I said it before and I’ll say it again, they’re good people. And I don’t want to jinx anything but I think they’ll be expanding their family soon. Good for them.

After the Home Depot, I drove into the city to drop something off at work. The traffic was crazy. But my Jeep navigated the urban jungle quite well. Those damn taxis were trying to get the best of her but she was having none of that. I really think a new muffler is in my future. I don’t think she’s getting rid of the exhaust gases properly. I drove down to Walter’s place because he’s hasn’t seen my new ride yet. I was going to give him a ride but I was really low on gas. Do they have gas stations in Manhattan? Yes but I really wanted to get back to NJ before the traffic got all crazy. I ended up in traffic for about an hour. An hour to drive 6 to 7 miles, excuse me for a second, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE URBAN JUNGLE!!!! OK, I’m back. Thanks.

Oooooo, you know what I forgot to mention? I was going to put my laundry in my car and do it later in the day but as I was walking by the laundry mat something just came over me. I said screw it; you’re not doing your laundry this weekend. So I just dropped it off. It was such a freeing experience. It’s the first time in eight years I haven’t done my own laundry. I’m glad I gave myself a break but next time, if there is a next time, I won’t drop off all of my sheets/bedding – lesson learned.

Later that night — I picked up some Chinese food for dinner and watched Punch-Drunk Love. The Chinese food was good but the movie wasn’t so hot. It held my interest but in the end it just all seemed unnecessary. Boogie Nights is Paul Thomas Anderson’s best film. However, I did like Adam Sandler’s performance. For the movie watching experience I picked up a bag of Chex Mix. The bag read Peanut Lovers’. I said to myself, hell, I’m a peanut lover, what could be better than a bag of Chex Mix loaded with peanuts? I open the bag and a foul smell immediately catches my attention. Everything in the bag is peanut flavored, with a list of ingredients a mile long. What the F@#k?! Horrible, horrible, horrible.

As I mentioned before, all my bedding was at the laundry so Saturday night, I slept on my comforter, in my front room. It wasn’t that bad and the sun insured that I wouldn’t sleep my day away. I woke up, watched the Sunday morning political shows and ate some Frosted Flakes. Then I started cleaning things. That went on for about 2 hours and then I had to get a shower. The plan was to go to the theatre to see T3: The Rise of the Machines. Before I left my apartment, I turned around and said to my cats, “I’ll be back.” Ha ha ha ha haget it? — “I’ll be back“, the tag line from the Terminator movies? Come on, give it up, that was funny! Oh well, they didn’t get it either.

I thought it was a decent summer movie but it didn’t really do anything to help the Terminator franchise. For originality’s sake, the first Terminator was brilliant. And T2 was almost as good. They didn’t need to make another one. Damn Hollywood greed! I didn’t take any photos this weekend, so here’s a photo of T3.

Rise of the

Sequel

I had some Mexican food after T3. Then I picked up my clothes and ironed them. And then I cleaned my bathroom. That was about it.

So that was my weekend. Have a great day.

Stay gold,

Bob

You know what I did last night for the first time in about a year? I ironed my clothes. My clothes got crazy wrinkled from my Ohio to NJ trip and I HAD to put some steam to fabric. I have a system where I fold my clothes as soon as they come out of the dryer and that has been very successful for me. Excuse me for a second, YAWN! — OK, I’m back.


I bought a Wheel of Fortune scratch-off ticket last night. I mention this because for about two solid minutes, I thought I won $20,000! Turns out, I didn’t scratch off the area that needed to be scratched off. But I did win $3 so it wasn’t total loss. I had a pretty good laugh over that one.AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! — The scream of $20,000 that I’ll never see, thank you, thank you very much.

This week really flew by, didn’t it? I wonder what I’m going to do this weekend. I was toying with the idea of gambling in Atlantic City but I think I should just stay around Hoboken and take in the sights. Maybe I’ll go for a walk.

I got my Sears card in the mail today! I’ve had credit cards for years but something about the Sears card seems so grown up. I like Sears. Wow, in today’s diary: Bob reveals all! Ha ha. Sometimes I feel like I’m the most boring person in the world. But then I think that can’t be possible because you’re reading it. HA HA! Maybe I’ll go to Sears this weekend. I don’t need anything, I’ll just walk around, satisfied with the knowledge that if I did need something, I’d be able to purchase it with my new card.

There must be an unwritten rule of cable television that when Every Which Way But Loose is on, it must be watched, somehow I always end up watching that thing. The film has everything: Clint, an orangutan, a feisty Mother, motorcycle gangs, fighting and Sondra Locke singing. Just kidding about that last item, ha ha — Every Which Way But Loose humor.

Now it’s time for a new feature to bobborden.com, I call it Bob’s Laziest/Proudest Moment of the Week, here we go: On Monday night, I was too tired to iron a shirt, so, I pulled out my steam humidifier, filled it up and put it under the wrinkled shirt. By morning the shirt was presentable. That was Bob’s Laziest/Proudest Moment of the WeekTell your friends.

I’d like to end today’s diary by congratulating all who work for the Late Show, we were nominated for four Emmy awards yesterday! I think that’s pretty cool. I don’t make the most money in the world but I do work for the best show in the world. I’m pretty lucky in that respect.

That’s it! Have a great weekend.

All my best,

Bob