Hello Tuesday. It’s good to be alive on a Tuesday. Not sure what that means, I just felt poetic. The first day back is always a shock to the system. I took it slow and weaved my way forward yesterday. That’s all you can do sometimes.

My used car window was at work when I arrived yesterday. It looks sweet.

Bob’s new


I’m going to try and get it put in this week. I’ve been toying around with the idea of just selling my car. I don’t honesty and truly need one in this area. My having a car was a way for me to hold on to my
Ohio upbringing. Growing up, you didn’t walk across the street if you needed something; you drove. I love having a car but I don’t love it when people break my window just to steal the change from my ashtray. I have to really think about it. Part of me thinks that I’d let the bastards win if I sold it. I don’t know?

With the luck I’ve been having lately, I could almost see myself tripping and breaking my window on the way home. I was extra careful last night. I had two layers of bubble wrap around that sucker. And when I came to a slippery sidewalk, I was almost crawling. I was a sight — A big, slow-walking man, carrying a car window in bubble wrap. Is this life?! Very funny.

I think part of my sickness is still hanging in there. I’d say I’m at 85% right now. I feel great but my system is still a little out of whack. I just had a thought; maybe I shouldn’t talk about this kind of stuff? Ah screw it, nobody reads this crap anyway – no pun intended, HA HA HA HA HA! “Boooooooooooo! Go back to Ohio Borden!” Damn, tough audience today.

I watched the old Late Night show on Trio last night. Andy Kaufman was the guest, very funny. I used to watch Late Night every chance I got. Oh sweet, sweet memory lane.

That’s it! Have a great day. This reminds me, I’m thinking about changing my sign-off for 2003. For over a year I ended the diary with God Bless America. Now, I’m thinking, why not mix it up a little? So, I’m going to end today’s diary with a new, original sign off. Let me know how you like it on my message board. OK, here we go:

OK, that’s it! Have a great day. May the force be with you. I just came up with that, wow, pretty good.


Happy New Year! It’s hard to believe it’s 2003, time flies. So what did I do on my week off? I drove back to my homeland, Steubenville, Ohio.

Day one: My Mom got a hot tip on a pony so we went up to the track to spend some quality time together. Her tip didn’t pan out but we had a good time anyway. Thanks, Mom.

Day two: I was hoping to attend the Steelers’ game today with my friend Tim but it was cost prohibitive. Instead, we played PS2 football from 2:30 to 11:00. It was fantastic.

Day Three: I cleaned my car. Waxed it and everything. It really looked nice for about five minutes then the rain and snow came down. I should correct that last sentence, I should say that my car looked as nice as a car could with a missing window. I have the window now; I’ll put it in this week — hopefully. Later that night, I went over to my brother’s house and hung out. 3 nephews and a niece — they wear me out but I love ‘em.

Day Four: New Year’s Eve. I went over to my brother’s again and left around 11:00. There’s nothing like bringing in the New Year with Dick Clark and two cats. The holidays this year were very uneventful. My heart just wasn’t where it should have been.

Day Five: Day one of the sickness. I woke up and everything was fine. But around 12, I started getting the shakes. Teeth chattering, legs freezing and it felt like there was a sun lamp aimed at my forehead. I called my sister-in-law, Liz, and she told me that Max, the littlest Borden, had the same symptoms. Max didn’t eat his dinner the night before and I was hanging out with him like there was no tomorrow. He gave me the sickness! Was this Max’s way of thanking me for not getting him a Christmas present? I know it sounds cruel that I didn’t get him a gift but I have a rule where I don’t buy presents for kids that still crap in their pants.

Public enemy #1

Well, I can’t worry about how and why I got sick – I have to get better. But know this Max,
you’re on my list.

Day Six: Day two of the sickness. My fever broke but now I feel like if I eat anything, I’ll vomit. All I can do today is sit in a chair and watch TV. I think I hate TV now — it’s just all so plastic and meaningless. Then I remember that I work in TV and quickly change my opinion.

Day Seven: Day three of the sickness. Woke up at 4am and felt like I was going to vomit. I drank some water, relaxed and went back to bed. I woke up at 6am and vomited. Ever vomit on an empty stomach? I went back to sleep and woke up around 9. I finally felt like eating but without getting too gross, another problem cropped up, stomach problems. Man oh man! I ate lunch, dinner and packed up my stuff for the drive back to Hoboken on Saturday.

Day Eight: Day four of the sickness. Got up around 8 and my stomach problems haven’t passed. Rather than playing rest stop roulette on an eight hour drive, I postponed my trip by a day.

Day Nine: Sickness is over, finally! Woke up early, felt good, loaded up my car and hit the road. 5 miles from home my car “window” was making a lot of noise and letting the elements in. I pulled over, applied more tape and started again. This time it made even more noise! Defeated, I turned around and went back home. My Mom gave me some duct tape and that did the trick.Thanks again, Mom. I drove all day, enjoying the winter scenery and enjoying just being outside. I tuned in the Steelers’ game around 1:00 and before I knew it, I was back in Hoboken. I was able to see the last 6 minutes of the game. Man, it wasn’t pretty but at least they won. Very exciting. I picked up a burrito for dinner and just relaxed after that.

And that was my vacation.

New Year’s Resolutions, I made a few. Here’s the very short list:

1. Achieve and maintain a comfortable weight
2. Try to be more understanding of stupid people
3. Become an Ultimate Fighter

I’m back! Have a great day. God Bless America

The good news: I spent Christmas with Paula’s family in Connecticut. The bad news: Connecticut was supposed to get 8 to 10 inches of snow.

Yesterday morning, I drove to Brooklyn to meet up with Paula. I think I’ve mentioned this before but usually when I go somewhere for the first time, I get lost. Sadly, this was no exception. But I was smart about it this time, as soon as I got off course, I called Paula and she steered me in the right direction.

We drove up there in Paula’s car. Had a very lovely time hanging out, eating dinner, enjoying all the holiday stuff and then, just as they predicted, the rain turned to snow. Everybody had to leave early because it just kept coming down. I drove Paula’s car back. It was incredible. There must have been a good 8 inches on the ground. The roads were really bad. 35mph to 40mph was really the fastest the roads would allow — at some points, almost whiteout conditions. I love driving in the snow; I enjoyed it until – people. Stupid people with bald tires trying to drive up a sheet of ice. Two cars in front of us just spinning their wheels, you could smell the burning rubber. I waited patiently and then made my move. I cut over far right and then just made it up the hill like nothing. Paula has a Honda CR-V — really nice car and really great in the snow. However, I like to think that the driver had a lot to do with it, ha ha.

We were a team, she told me when it was safe to change lanes when I passed the slower cars. At one point the road was so bad I accidentally turned into a rest area. I didn’t want to stop because the longer you’re off the road, the worse the roads would get. That theory was shot all to hell and back 10 miles later when we both had to go to the bathroom. More driving, more traffic and more snow. I was going to pull the car over and go on the side of the road but Paula wouldn’t let me. She said if she couldn’t go, I couldn’t go – thanks again for that! The closer we got to Manhattan, the worse the pain. I was close to tears. And I’m not joking!

We made it to 54th Street and drove by work. Sweet relief!

Outside Late Show on


The snow wasn’t so bad in the city. We got back to Brooklyn and parted ways. Thanks again, Paula, I had a great time.

This is the last diary of 2002 and you know what that means: “It’s time for BobBorden.com’s Year End Year End List!

10. Car window
9. -

I don’t like year-end lists. I’m still sad about Joe Strummer. The Clash’s music was so great! If you ever get the chance to see the film Mystery Train, do so. He was really great in that.

That’s it for today, that’s it for 2002. 2002 was pretty good to me but not great. Is it possible to have two transitional years in a row? I’ll have to work on that in 03.

Have a Happy New Year, be safe.

Next diary 01-06-03, see you then.

God Bless America

Joe Strummer, R.I.P.

And now, Master Storyteller, Bob Borden, brings you today’s diary -

Hello. As I write this on Sunday night, I’m fighting a cold and the cold seems to be winning. Nothing major, I just feel off and my nose is stuffed up. I’ll live.

Showbiz perk #121:

Krispy Kreme brought a donut tree

to Late Show on Friday.
I’ve had a taste of heaven
and I like it.

Friday night, the plan was to leave work and check out the film,
Adaptation. It was 6:10, the movie was at 7 and we didn’t seem to be leaving fast enough. Jay was going to meet us there so I left the group to meet Jay. I was waiting for the E train and it wasn’t coming. I felt like I was waiting there for 15 minutes. The D train came and I got on that. They both have stops at 42nd street. I get off at my stop, walk up to street level and I was very disoriented.

I was on 42nd Street but on a part I’ve never been to. I start walking and I saw the theatre where I’m meeting everyone. But it was so weird seeing it from the reverse perspective that I didn’t believe I was going in the right direction. I didn’t see the Port Authority. I turned around because I was sure I was going the wrong way. I walked over to a park I recognized. At that point, I was going to jump on a train and go home. As I was crossing the street, I ran into Jay! Jay said to me, “What are you doing?” I had a hard time explaining my stupidity. So, technically, I got lost. That was the first depressing thing that happened to me this weekend. The movie was OK, not great, just OK.

Saturday, I woke up late and watched football. I got a shower around 2 and was going to go into the city to do some shopping but I didn’t get off the sofa until 4:30. Saturday night, I finally got up the energy and left my apartment. I caught a bus. I looked around and noticed something — I was surrounded by couples. I counted about 10 couples in all. I’m not kidding; they were everywhere. It was like something out of a sitcom, a very bad sitcom. That was the second depressing thing that happened to me this weekend. I think I went into the city to make up for my getting lost on Friday. I’m not sure why I did that because it was insane in Times Square. I didn’t think ahead of time that during the Holidays in Manhattan, there would be a lot of people. There was a line to get into Toys ‘R’ US! I did what I wanted to do and got the hell out of there.

Sunday, I woke up around 9 and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. Have you ever been in a laundry mat, folding you clothes, with Christmas music playing? That was the third depressing thing that happened to me this weekend.

After the A & P, I watched football all day.

If you read today’s diary closely you’ll notice that I said I was depressed 3 times. I only used that word as a device to tie everything together. Rest easy, I’m fine, Mom.

Should I tip the guy I get my burritos from? That’s a tough one.

That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

NEXT DIARY DECEMBER 26. Merry Christmas!

Have you ever put together 50 CDs while trying to get through a very heavy workday? Not easy. Man, I’m tired but I’m glad I was able to spread the love this year. I’d still like to make a few more; I didn’t even give one to myself! Who’s better than me? Exactly.

Bob pats himself on the

back for a job
well done

I’m going to be on the Late Show tonight! Watch for letter #3 in the mailbag. I’m the last staffer that walks past Alan’s door. Remember kids; there are no small parts, only small actors.

This just in: My Mom finally received her birthday present! If there’s something that says I love you better than a 6.5-gallon drum of popcorn, I don’t know what that would be. Happy belated birthday!! 1-800-flowers, I haven’t forgotten about you, not by a long shot! 2 day shipping my foot!

In other bad shipping news – my car window still hasn’t arrived. I’m windowless, without window, sans window -I got no glass. Having a Glad garbage bag taped to your car really zaps the old self-confidence. I’m looking at this as a character building experience. Whenever I saw someone else’s car with a busted window, I always used to wonder how that person would deal with getting the car fixed. Now, I know. Damn criminals!

You know what I did the other day just for the heck of it? I went to the BobBorden.com storeand bought myself a shirt. That’s not a plug for my store. I just thought it was funny that I bought my own shirt. This diary is becoming more and more like King’s Things with each passing day. That’s a shame.

I’m looking forward to the weekend. I’m going to hangout with friends and just relax. I don’t have anything else to add to that sentence. It may be time for me to wrap this up.

Before I sign off, I have to give special thanks to our intern, Greg. Greg did a fantastic job this semester and he’ll really be missed. Thanks for everything!


That’s it for today. Have a happy and safe weekend. God Bless America.