Hello. I bet you’re asking yourself, “I wonder what Bob did this weekend?” Well, let me tell you -

Friday night I didn’t have anything going on. That’s so unlike me on a Friday night, usually I’m Bobby New York – ha ha, I called up my friend Walter and said, “what up?” he said come on over and we’ll play some cards. Before I knew it, I was on the PATH train to New York. Walter, “Sally”, Suzie and I had a great time playing cards and hanging out. I kept losing over and over again. Damn cards! We were having such a great time and then the doorbell rang.

We’re on the ground floor and some gutless wonder from the 5th floor came down to ask us if we realized how much noise we were making. We had the door open and I guess the sound traveled up. OK, yes – we were a little loud and yes, it was late – around 2 am at that point but still. He rang the bell — be a man about it and knock on the door. Generally speaking, living in the concrete jungle with people stacked on top of people – sucks. In the words of Billy Corgan, “despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage” – What the hell, people can’t get together and laugh? Did we lose a war?! Are we living in China?! “Does anybody remember laughter?” – Robert Plant

Around 4 am I was sitting on my sofa eating a chocolate Dunkin donut. Now that’s sweet living! I had a good night.

Saturday, I woke up around 11 and stayed in bed listening to CDs until about 1. I’m putting my Christmas CD together and this year my goal is for people to listen to it all year. The ratio of entertaining songs to annoying Bob is 99% to 1%. I had some soup for lunch and then listened to more music. I like the mix I put together.

Saturday night I met up with my friend Tiffany for some dinner. Chinese and then we rented a movie. Nothing popped out at us so I recommended we see one of my favorites, Drugstore Cowboy. Tiffany didn’t care for it. Damn. I was out the door soon after the end credits rolled. I blame Hollywood. It really is a great film.

Sunday, I woke up around 10ish and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. This was the maiden voyage of my car with a garbage bag instead of a window (see last week). I have to say; the bag wasn’t that different than a window. Except I can’t see out of the bag – I hope my “new” window comes in the mail this week.

After laundry, I went to the A & P in Hoboken. I usually go to the one in Jersey City but I thought I’d mix it up a little. I have to say, I don’t like the Hoboken A & P. The aisles are narrow, the parking is laughable and the cashier didn’t respond to me after I said thank you. I said thank you and he just left me hanging – what the hell?! I won’t be back there anytime soon. Someday I’m going to make a list of all the places and people I’m “boycotting” – I’m not sure if the list should be alphabetical of chronological?

I was home by 1:30. I watched football the rest of the day. I know I say this every week but this Fantasy League I’m in has sparked an unprecedented interest in sports. I’m even going to try and see a game in the next two weeks. I’ve never been to an NFL game before. I mean as a spectator. I worked the Super Bowl a few years back, I didn’t get to see the actual game. I believe Denver won that year, I was in their locker room – very cool.

On Friday, my friend Pam came into my office and was very excited about her new shoes. Like overly, scary excited about them. So, I agreed I’d put them on my site today.

The Internet is truly

useless

And that is it. I miss The Sopranos. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Friday is here! It’s Friday the 13th, if you believe in that sort of crap. I’m so happy to put this week behind me. Throw eggs or snowballs at me but don’t mess with my ride – that’s my freedom machine! My used window hasn’t come in the mail yet. At first I was worried about having a plastic bag instead of a window, you know, for security reasons. Then I realized that if they’ll break a window, they’d do anything. Nothing’s safe.

Hey, I just remembered, my friends John and Julia had a baby boy yesterday! BobBorden.com is happy to welcome Ryan James Boggs into the world. Congratulations!!! I love having my own website, now I don’t have to send a card or a gift.

I’m watching QVC right now and there’s a guy on there getting way too excited about cheesecake. Calm down, buddy! “Calm down, buddy!” That’s the best I could come up with – sad. You suck, Borden!

You know what I miss?

Bob misses this

billboard
(file photo)

I miss The Majestic billboard that I used to see out my office window everyday for four months. Earlier in the year, this thing used to drive me nuts. The movie bombed in about a week and the billboard was up for months and months. The sign has been down since maybe May and nothing’s taken its place. There’s just a blank billboard up now. Funny how life works — what once I didn’t like, now I miss. There’s a life lesson in there somewhere.

I think that may be all I have to say today. To recap this week: My car window got smashed, my car was ransacked, I lost the lottery and after my bleaching accident of a few weeks ago, I’m finding that I don’t have a lot of clothes to wear these days. But you know what? I’m alive and I’m mighty thankful for a great family and great friends! So what the hell?!

Now the QVC guy loves Lemon Coconut Layer Cake! Make up you mind dude!

That’s it. God Bless America.

“Make up you mind, dude!” –? Boooooooooooooo!

The Elvis Costello / Burt Bacharach CD still holds up. Damn, that’s good stuff — tugs at the old heartstrings. My favorite? God Give Me Strength. I listened to that the other night and damn if it didn’t almost bring a tear to my eye.

This is a great

cd

I’m over the shock of some crazed junkie ransacking my car. I think all he/they got was the change from my astray and a flashlight. The next time someone wants to break into my car, I wish they’d just call me. Hell, I’ll go down and give them a couple of bucks. This crap will end up costing me about $250. I’m 33 years old, my car was just broken into and who’s the first person I called? That’s right, my Mom. Why my Mom? I’m not sure. I just thought that was kind of unusual/funny. By the way, Mom – because of this unexpected dent in my wallet, no Christmas gift for you this year – sorry sweets.

I was flipping the channels last night and I caught a glimpse of a show on ABC, Extreme Makeovers or something like that. Anyway, they (‘They’ being Hollywood) did plastic surgery on 3 people. I think the idea is just kind of disgusting. I can’t really put my finger on it but something just seemed wrong. I’m all for letting people do what ever the hell they want but that doesn’t mean I need to see it in my living room.

I ended up watching Junkyard Wars, the UK edition. They made one-wheeled mopeds or something. I just like watching shows about cars now. The Osbournes is off the radar screen for me this season. They’re just too over-exposed for me. I’d rather just put on an Ozzy CD and ride that Crazy Train into musical bliss! I may know too much about Ozzy now. I don’t know.

It’s going on two days of rain here on the East Coast. All I can think about is I hope the tape and garbage bag can keep my car dry. Damn junkie car thieves! Sorry.

That’s it for me today. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Bob in Crisis: Day one

Holy crap, my car was broken into! Yesterday morning, I was going to move my car from one side of the street to the other, per usual. When I got to my car, my heart sank –broken glass, change from the ashtray gone, glove box rummaged through and items once in the trunk now in the front seat, thoroughly searched.

Shattered glass,

shattered dreams

THERE WAS NOTHING OF VALUE IN MY CAR! There was nothing on the seats that a prospective criminal would have seen to make him want to break in. It just plain sucks! After brushing the glass off the front seat, I drove to a car window place — $300 for a brand-new rear quarter panel window, plus $100 for installation. No thanks; they tried 4 places to look for a used window but to no avail.

Now, I’m looking for a used window as my car sits on the street with a plastic garbage bag taped to the spot where once, there was a window. So, let’s take a second to recap all the crimes that have happened to me in this fair city, since 1995:

#1 Hit, very hard, in the back of my head with an egg – causing my head to bleed.
#2 Some punks scratched the words “Fuk you” in the hood of my old car.
#3 Hit in the back with a snowball by some 8 year olds. (That was on Sunday)
#4 The broken car window on Tuesday.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sick of this petty BS!

I am thankful they didn’t destroy anything on the inside of the car. Damn, it’s always something! The guy upstairs that plays his music too loud, the unfriendly bus driver, the unexpected expense of everything, this city, this damn city! And for what? FOR WHAT?!!!!

I know three people that have had their cars stolen. Think about all the people you know, isn’t that an unusually high amount of people that share that experience? The concrete jungle has officially gotten to me.

On my walk home last night, I noticed about a hundred cars that would have been better prospects than mine. However, I don’t wish a ransacked car on anyone. I ran into a policeman and asked him if he thought I should file a report. He said unless you need a record of it, you don’t have too. He told me a drunk or junkie looking for five bucks probably did it. Then, he said he was sorry and told me to stay warm. Nice guy. I did find a used window after a daylong search. $110. I can live with that. Crisis over but I’m still pissed.

That’s it. God Bless America.

Hello.

Today’s POD is brought to you by my friend Jay. He saw a dog wearing sunglasses outside the Beaver Creek Denny’s in Colorado. I love that photo! It’s a dog wearing sunglasses! Now that’s a photo!

Jay and his family went skiing. It sounded like they had a great time. This photo of Jay on a snowboard was taken while he was practicing going downhill backwards while balancing on the toe side of the board.

Jay taking snowboarding

lessons

I think that’s pretty cool. And that brings us to a major BobBorden.com announcement. As of today, 12/10/02, I’m going to dedicate my life to becoming an extreme snowboarder. I’m not going to take plain snowboarding lessons – only extreme snowboarding lessons. I’ve worked on the best show in Late Night for the past 7 years — now it’s time to move on. I wonder if snowboards have a weight limit? That will be the first thing I look into! Anyway, thanks for the inspiration Jay!

Christmas is sooooo close. I don’t have anything done yet. I’m still thinking about ideas for my annual Christmas CD. It has to be something that people will really listen to. That’s my goal. I have a few ideas; I’ll have it figured out by the weekend. Next year, my goal is to put out a Christmas DVD. The future is now. Well, actually, it’s next year, ha ha. I haven’t even bought Christmas cards, damn! I have to get on the stick.

I have to say, I got caught up in some of the hype surrounding The Sopranos season finale and I really wish I hadn’t. The great scenes between Tony and Carmela were totally overshadowed by my expectations of waiting for someone to get whacked. Stupid media. Stupid Bob. I like Carmela’s new hair. It suits her. When I was a kid, I saw a woman drive around town in a blue sports car. She had long flowing blonde hair. I thought to myself, damn, she’s f-i-n-e! But when I saw her face, she was an old woman. Imagine your grandmother with long blonde hair, driving around town in a sports car. Not a good idea. The Sopranos is over for another year.

OK, that’s it for today. Thanks again to Jay for the photos. God Bless America.

Congratulations to Larry Csonka! Way to go #39!