Hello. I’m going to start off the old diary by telling you what I did last night. I got a haircut. I got off the bus, wasn’t sweating and said to myself, what the hell. Once again, Super Cuts gave me a super cut, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The only strange thing that happened was the woman kept coughing. To the point that she had to step away to compose herself. I felt kind of bad because I kept telling her to hurry up, time is money sweets. That last sentence was only a joke, let me try it again: I felt a little bad but she pulled herself together. Better. I thought to myself, I’m glad she doesn’t work in food service.

A lot of controversy on my board yesterday about my Hollywood Gossip story. It’s always nice to hear from Ralph Macchio. I hope the parties involved don’t hold any grudge towards me for reporting the story. Just know that BobBorden.com doesn’t shy away from hard news. Sounds like a controversy straight out of grade school.

I love the after the haircut shower. Damn, that’s a good feeling.

When I was flying out to LA, I had a quick layover in Chicago (thanks a lot Priceline.com!) and I ended up in the bookstore. After reading the book covers and trying not to look like a total idiot. (The last book I read was The Dirt by Motley Crue.) I bought a book for the sole reason that it won the Pulitzer. So, to the well-read BobBorden.com viewer I ask this: Is Empire Falls by Richard Russo any good? Please let me know on my message board. I started to read it on the plane but some punk kid put his seat back and that was the end of reading.

Is this a good book?

Let me know on my message board

I think that may be it today. Can someone do me a favor? Around 6:30pm today, please e-mail me to remind me to buy dishwashing liquid. For the past three nights, I keep forgetting to pick some up. I need it too, I have a sink full of dishes. I cooked some fish for myself on Sunday. If you happen to think about it, I wouldn’t mind a reminder: send me an e-mail. Thanks.

That’s it. God Bless America.

Hello. This humidity is too much. I was going to get a haircut last night but had to call it off because I was sweating so much. I toyed around with the idea of getting a shampoo first so the hair stylist wouldn’t be repulsed by my sweat. But by the time that thought process circled around my mind I wasn’t in the mood anymore. I really can complicate the simplest things sometimes.

I woke up to rain this morning, that cooled things off, at least for the commute in. I was riding the escalator in the bus station and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The guy in front of me was bald, not a big deal. But upon further investigation, the back third of his head was sprayed black. It was absolutely incredible. He was bald, I don’t know why anyone would do that? It boggles the mind.

First day of work after two weeks off was an adjustment. I felt like I was in a haze all day yesterday. My routine was thrown off by the sweet seductress I like to call, Lady Hollywood. I don’t know what that means, I just like to say “sweet seductress.”

The new Springsteen CD is really good. Very sad subject matter but it’s very tastefully done. I have to be honest, sometimes I forget about 9/11. I was walking to the subway last night and a tourist asked me where Ground Zero was. I thought to myself afterwards, oh yeah, Ground Zero. That should be something on my mind everyday, do you know what I mean? I’m not sure what my point is? I just felt a little guilty at that moment.

I was going to ride my bike last night but the humidity was a real deterrent. I couldn’t even get a haircut! How the hell am I going to ride a bike!?

I forgot to say thanks to everyone that kept my message board interesting while I was away. I swear, there’s more activity on that thing than when I’m here. Also, congratulations to Mark Nelson on the birth of his daughter, Rivers Kathleen Nelson. Good news.

Driving in Hollywood

I’m going to end today’s diary with a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it:

Hollywood Gossip: The Damon, Trevor, Jeff and The Girl Files –

Hollywood, Friday 3:30pm: Damon travels back to Boston last weekend for a wedding. At the same time, Damon’s ex girlfriend travels to LA but not to visit him, she came to LA to visit his roommate, Trevor. Trevor has been talking to the girl behind Damon’s back. In fact, at the same time Damon’s flight departed, her flight was arriving — Trevor didn’t even drive Damon to the airport!
Flashback to a few weeks ago; Jeff took Trevor to a concert in Las Vegas, Jeff paid for everything and they agreed, the next concert, Trevor picks up the tab. Jeff mentions to Trevor that he’d like to go to the Dixie Chicks concert. Trevor never mentions anything about it. When Jeff brings it up again, Trevor says they were sold out.
Hollywood, Saturday 12am: Trevor, the girl and Jeff go out to a club that night. Jeff and the girl step outside for a second to get some fresh air. After some friendly conversation between the two, it turns out that The Girl and Trevor are going to the Dixie Chicks concert the next night!

Wow! Let’s review: Trevor goes out with Damon’s ex girlfriend — without Damon’s knowledge, doesn’t even drive his friend to the airport, accepts an invitation to a concert from Jeff and then repays Jeff by lying to him. I don’t know who’s to blame here? I’m not one to pass judgment, that’s why you’re here. Today’s question of the day on my message board is this: What kind of person is Trevor? I want to hear from everybody today.

That’s it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

Welcome back! It’s strange coming back to the old diary after two long weeks. In the two years I’ve been doing this site, this is the first vacation that may actually qualify as a vacation. Usually, I drive back to Ohio and spend time with the family.

I did drive back to Ohio but only long enough to kiss my Mom on the cheek and to drop off my cats, ha ha. Thanks Mom!

From there, I was on a plane to Hollywood — Hollywood, California! I have a good friend out there, Jeff.

Sweet Lord, either I’m getting bigger or the planes are getting smaller! There has to be a better way to arrange people. Anyway, we were getting ready to take off and the seat next to me was still empty. That’s like solid gold to me because I can stretch my legs out. Seconds before they close the door, I look up and here come some kids. Two brothers. Kids are fine with me because I can still steal some precious leg room, not a problem. The kids aren’t sitting together, you’re not going to believe what happened next, this woman sitting next to the other kid offered up her seat so the kids could sit together. Great for the kids but now I have to shoehorn my large butt into the seat because the “nice” woman was equally as large. I hope the kids were comfortable, heaven forbid that they’d have to sit apart for 3 and a half hours! That may have been her good deed for the day but all I could think about was that I lost all feeling in my ass somewhere around Nebraska. Thank you!

My first Sunday in LA found me on a golf course. I’m not good at sports, I was in the band in high school. Having said that; Jeff, Damon, Trevor and myself hit the course. I was slow to start and I didn’t get much better. To the point that these assholes behind us called the “golf police.” The “golf police” said we (Me) had to step it up. I’m bad but I wasn’t holding up anything. The people ahead of us were taking their good old time and it made us look bad. It was all down hill from there. Trevor won the game, Jeff won some money and Damon threw a partially filled can of beer at me. I’m still not sure why. I made some new Hollywood friends and found a new hatred for the game of golf.

When in Hollywood, Bob rents this car

We went to a Karaoke bar the next night. I love those places. This bar was great because there was only a handful of people in there. I sang my signature song, Welcome to the Jungle. They’re still talking about it.

I saw three movies:
1. Signs. Very, very good.
2. The Kid Stays in the Picture. I really enjoyed this film. Very entertaining.
3. XXX. Wow, not very good at all. Hollywood owes me nine dollars.

I went to a Dodger game. Jeff’s buddy Patrick hooked us up with great seats — ten rows back from the 3rd base line. Special thanks to Patrick — Thank you! Jeff, Jeff, Patrick and yours truly enjoyed some great food and a great game. I made a mistake that night that would haunt me for the next two days. While enjoying the game, I ate a huge bag of peanuts on an empty stomach.Oh my, not a smart move. That was a whole new kind of pain. Live and learn. The Dodgers beat Pittsburgh — can’t remember the score.

This is the first time I’ve had

my shirt off in public since 1983

I enjoyed eating In-n-Out Burger and Fat Burger, mmmmmmmm. Jeff and I went to the beach in Santa Monica. It was overcast that day, the water was cold but we went in anyway. I had so much fun!

On my last night, Jeff surprised me with a lovely dinner at Asia de Cuba, you know, right next to Sky Bar on the Sunset Strip. Incredible food, Incredible night. Special thanks to Jeff for a great vacation! Thank you.

Bob and Jeff before a night on the town

And now a new feature to BobBorden.com – I call it,

Bob Borden’s Celebrity Sightings:

Guess what famous actor was seen entering Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant wearing a hat and sunglasses? That’s right, Dodge spokesman, Edward Herrmann. Hey Edward, what’s with the shades?

It turns out that I’m not the only one that likes movies. Guess who was spotted at The Kid Stays in the Picture? That’s right, he played Luke Perry’s step-dad, Tony Marchette on 90210, I’m talking about Stanley Kamel. Nice running into you Stanley, good luck with Monk.

Asia de Cuba was the place to be last week. My head was spinning with all the celebrity action. Who’s that walking by our table? None other than Frank Stallone. What’s the matter Frank, too busy to say hi? I’m not positive but I think I sat in front of actor Doug E Doug. Hey, Doug, enough with the camera already, those flashes were giving me vertigo! Is that who I think it is? That’s right, NYPD Blue’s sexist Lieutenant, Esai Morales. I enjoyed your work on La Bamba.

And that’s Bob Borden’s Celebrity Sightings.Those were all true by the way.

That’s it. I’ll have more stories this week as I remember them. I’m back, we’re back. God Bless America.

Hello. First up, a program note: This is the last diary until August 19. I know that seems like a long time but I like to think of it as only two weeks. I was pulled aside at work yesterday and was told that I need to take some time for myself. So, that’s what I’m going to do. It’s strange, they kept saying I should vacation at a place called “Rehab.” I’m not really sure where that is but it’s time off nonetheless. (That was just a joke, sorry Mom)

I watched the E! True Hollywood Story on Family Feud last night. My social life has hit an all time low. Watching a TV show about the “behind the scenes” at Family Feud is a sign. I thought to myself, you must have something better to do. Turns out, I didn’t. Time to jump-start my life!

You know what I did yesterday? I wrote a letter to Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue. I’ve been a huge fan since grade school. I was sitting at my desk and I just said to myself, I’m going to write a letter to Nikki Sixx. I’m hoping he writes back, that would be awesome! Rock ‘n Roll FOREVER!

Good Lord, did you know that Richard Dawson married one of the Family Feud contestants? Wow. I love Hollywood. And I’m glad I watched that Family Feud show after all.

OK, that’s about all I have. While I’m gone, please feel free to catch up with ‘all things Bob’ in my diary archives section. Also, in my links section, checkout Zach’s website and Rick’s website. Very entertaining.

See you again on the 19th

(Why must Pickle Joe hate so much, why?!)

Hello. You know Priceline.com is great but heaven forbid you enter $10 a day for a rental car! Please forgive me, I’m not a millionaire! I didn’t realize how hard it was to book a Geo Metro! Count to ten, center yourself and breath. That didn’t work! I just want to rent a car, I don’t want to buy the damn thing! Am I losing my mind? Have I gone insane?! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much.

I watched the Andy Griffith Show last night. Opie got up the guts to ask this girl out. She said yes, then was asked out by the cool kid. She calls up Opie and cancels on him. The poor kid! You know it’s very hard when you’re growing up. People have feelings. Opie has feelings! Thank goodness for Andy, he helped Opie out. He suggested that Opie go to the dance alone. He did and had a great time. And the girl realized what a horrible thing she did to Opie. It turns out, that the cool kid ditched her. Opie and the girl ended up talking and having a great time. I’m glad it worked out.

OK, back to reality. Sweet Lord it’s hot. It’s hot and sticky and sticky and hot and hot and hot and sticky. Nothing like waking up in a pool of your own sweat. I’m not sure if this is the right time but I’d like to remind the female readers of BobBorden.com that I’m single.

I picked up the new Springsteen CD last night. I’m going to listen to it when I have a large amount of free time. So, I’ll be listening to it today at work. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. That was just a joke.

The free time I did have last night, I used to tweak my Photoshop skills. After an hour of work, I came up with this gem:

From the mind of Bob Borden

It’s Pickle Joe riding a horse! Come on, give it up, that’s funny! Pickle Joe has an attitude! I love my life. Sitting in my apartment, in my underwear, making up stuff.

I don’t know if you noticed my Photo of the Day yesterday. It was a photo of a nectarine. That bite mark is from me. That’s the first nectarine I’ve ever had. And I have it on film. I like the thought of that.

That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.