I just spent the whole weekend looking after my sick wife. We think she caught the flu.

[L to R]: Cara, Bob
(file photo)

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone get that sick, for so many hours (and it ain’t over yet). I told her I was going to write about how she ruined my weekend, ha ha.

Holy crap I’m tired. I can only imagine how tired she’s feeling.

BobBorden.com Sets the Record Straight:

When this photo was taken a few years ago, Ben Roethlisberger behaved like a perfect gentleman. Based on my experience, I have to believe the current allegations are false.

BobBorden.com presents: Future Headlines

BIZARRE FOODS HOST ANDREW ZIMMERN ACCIDENTALLY EATS HIS OWN TESTICLES

Yesterday, I picked up my nephew from a golf lesson (the kid has a busier schedule than I do). On our way home, we stopped off at Baskin-Robbins for some ice cream (it seems like I’m a great Uncle but really I have an insatiable sweet tooth). Ahead of us was a mother and her two children. Before she ordered, she asked for a couple of samples. One was for rainbow ice cream (understandable), the other was for chocolate ice cream. Not chocolate zimzam or chocolate raspberry, just plain chocolate ice cream. What the F#@k?! Do you really need to waste my time, or in this case my nephew’s time, getting a sample of chocolate ice cream?! Good Lord, did you just get off the f#@king boat?!

Attention:
This chocolate ice cream
will always taste like
chocolate ice cream!

Her kids approved the samples (thank God) and ordering began. But before the shopkeeper could commence scooping, she informed him that her kid, and this is 100% true, has a nut allergy! Remember my jetBlue story earlier this week? I thought my head was going to explode. She made the guy clean the scoop in his sink. The kids got their ice cream and she ordered an iced coffee with some annoying detail like asking if they had soy milk. They walked over to the register. I placed my order, got my ice cream and walked over to pay. Surprise, surprise. She’s still there. She spilled her coffee all over the countertop and the workers were cleaning up the mess!

On my way out of the parking lot, some guy did a crazy move and he looked like he was going to hit me head-on! Forgetting I had a kid in the car, I called the guy a stupid motherf#@ker. NEPHEW: “Ohh, you said some bad words.” I apologized and told him not to repeat anything I said, blah, blah, blah. NEPHEW: “The only curse word my Mom lets us use is ‘hell.'” Ha ha! After I dropped him off, I went home and vowed never to leave my house again.

Have a great weekend!

I couldn’t get tickets to see Dave Matthews Band two nights in a row. So, I sat in my car and listened from the parking lot.

Cara and I saw Dave Matthews Band last night.

They were really great! I drove myself and met Cara there (we were coming from different locations). On the way, I was thinking, finally, my personalized license plate will get a little attention.

I drove to the parking lot, there were cars behind me and…nothing. I sat in my car for a couple of minutes…nothing. Oh well.

On the drive home, Cara and I finally got the “respect” we deserved. A pickup truck full of teenagers honked and gave us our props via some clenched fists in the air. At first Cara thought they were hooligans looking for trouble but I reminded her we wear our band pride on our sleeves or in this case, on our car bumper.

JetBlue is my favorite airline. TV, legroom, it’s great. But on a recent flight we were informed they wouldn’t be serving peanuts because of a passenger with a peanut allergy. This bothered me a little. So, I wrote this letter:

Dear JetBlue,

Hello. I was on flight 644 from San Francisco to New York this past Saturday. After we boarded the plane, the crewmembers announced they would not be serving peanuts due to a passenger having a peanut allergy. I’m writing this because I have a condition where I can only consume peanuts, peanutius. You can imagine my discomfort for the next five hours. I had to watch people around me enjoying blue potato chips, chocolate chip cookies, animal crackers while I sat there, peanutless and starving.

In the future, I’d appreciate some advanced warning so I can consume my peanut M & M’s, cashews and peanut-brittle before the flight.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

Bob Borden

For such a hip airline, I was expecting a funny reply (and maybe a free ticket for making them laugh). This was their response:

Dear Mr. Borden,

Thank you for contacting JetBlue Airways regarding Flight #644 on July 18, 2009.
We appreciate the chance to reply to your comments.

We are sorry to hear of your medical challenges and wish you the best. You
certainly can understand why we requested that nobody onboard consume peanuts due to another customer’s
severe allergy. If peanuts were consumed there was a possibility of a medical emergency which would
have required a diversion and therefore a delayed flight.

In the future, please inform us of your condition when booking and we will make
notes in your reservation to accommodate your needs to the extent possible. You are welcome to
bring food onboard.

Thanks for choosing JetBlue for your travel needs; we look forward to jetting
with you and Cara in the future.

Sincerely,

Jenny
Customer Commitment Crew
JetBlue Airways

I may have to find another airline that will be more sensitive and understanding about my peanutius.

Cara and I were on vacation last week. Check it out: